My Child Can’t Play By Himself

My child can’t play by himself! … It has become a phrase that parents often use for their children, especially during these epidemic days when they stay at home.

Children who cannot spend time on their own or linger on their own have become a challenge for parents who work from home or spend time at home frequently. Especially only children or those with a large age gap with their siblings have difficulty spending time alone. We wanted to write about this subject in this article.

The addicted child cannot play by himself!

We can show the characteristics of the bond you have established with your child as a reason for this situation. This is inevitable if your child is overly dependent on you or if your child is in control of your relationship. It is possible that you also feel an addiction to him, under the fact that he is overly dependent on you. This is inevitable if you have been an overprotective parent since infancy, have met almost every need of your child before they even mentioned it, and have devoted your time to him right from his childhood. Although parental overdependence usually triggers this condition, in some cases, children of negligent parents may also experience this attachment. The child who cannot meet his basic care, love and attention needs cannot be separated from you and may want you with him all the time. Parents who have difficulty in covering their children, who put their needs in the center of their own axis rather than paying attention to their children, also have a low capacity to spend time by themselves.

If your child is in control, he will use it to the fullest.

If your child is sitting in the boss’s seat in his relationship with you, he will definitely use you to prevent himself from getting bored. Each time he is bored he will either become aggressive or restless; Until you fulfill his wishes… Parents often give extra loans so that their work life does not negatively affect the psychology of their children, or the parents do not reject the child so that the child’s heart and psychology will not be broken, brings about loss of control.

The roads to hell are paved with good intentions

The efforts of parents to be with them at all times so that they do not adversely affect their children, unfortunately, harm their children after a while. Children lose traits such as imagination, problem solving ability, psychological resilience and creativity over time. The child, who cannot play on his own and gets used to the ready, loses imagination or interpreting the information he receives from the outside world in a different way (creativity). Unfortunately, he cannot maintain his self-well-being because he cannot be alone.

Digital kid…

The easy accessibility of the digital world, such as ready-made games and visual media, also creates easy entertainment for children. Children who don’t need to use their creative side for fun become captive of screen addiction by exceeding the healthy limit of 1.5 hours of daily use for them. Parents who use the screen every time the child is tense or bored also make their children addicted after a while.

Parents with no hobbies

Parents are also limited in terms of creativity, and if they can’t keep themselves entertained off-screen, their children learn this too. Children observe their parents from infancy and take what they do when they are bored as a model for themselves.

Children who do not start pre-school education even though the time has come

Some families find it difficult to send their children to school or playgroups even though they are 3 years old. This causes children to be bored by staying at home at a time when their curiosity, energy and learning capacity are at their peak.

Children who have trouble sleeping separately

Children should sleep separately from their parents from the day they are born. Children who sleep together may be more prone to developing dependency on their parents. You can access our article about sleep training from the link.

How much time should parents spend with their children?

The time that parents can play or do activities with their children should not exceed 1 hour a day. The durations above this can create a process that can create the relational disruptions we mentioned above.

What can you do from now on to overcome this problem with your child?

You should avoid this situation and take control of your relationship. You decide what to play, with whom to play and for how long. If your child loves to play monopoly, you might say, “I thought I’d play monopoly with you, even if it’s evening!” In this way, you become the controller of the game.

The second important point is that some tears should be shed. If you’ve taken charge of the game and you’re having a great time, kids will want the game to continue. Putting a certain amount of time and ending the game will upset them. In this case there is no problem, it is expected. Your goal should never be to never make them cry. Your goal should be to wait for the tears and let your children know and feel that it is normal.

That said, when you put a limit on technology, the cries and protests will be intense. Ending technology when time is up introduces many problematic behaviors. Be prepared and clear about it. If you want to make your process with technology healthier, you can contribute to your child’s development by installing programs such as “Mentalup” on your tablet or phone, and you can also create fun times for them. You can access the program’s website from the link.

There’s also the drama of dealing with children’s boredom. The more ideas you come up with, the worse the situation gets: the more children whine, prolong the situation, cry and beg.

If you’ve already built a deep enough relationship with your kids (which doesn’t need to last for hours), it’s understandable that you empathize with their feelings (“I know boredom is hard”). Then distract yourself by doing some real work and avoid being caught in the middle.

The most important issue here is that a 3-year-old child is still very young. You will see more signs of hunger/fatigue/illness. Children at this age have not yet developed the ability to manage their own emotions. So it’s a balance between meeting the child’s needs while allowing it to mature. Basically, every child has a different need and this is expected.

How do children spend time by themselves?

The answer is simple: it’s their choice. If you have made changes to the important situations that we have written above, you can observe that the time they spend on their own increases over time.

Here are some game ideas for beginners that can make this process easier;

  • Treasure Hunt – You just draw the map, hide the treasure in a room and give the map to your little pirate. So they will act independently of you to find the treasure. When they find the treasure, they will probably be very happy.
  • Recycling Game – Give the waste (toilet paper rolls, plastic bottles, pieces of yarn and rags, boxes, etc.) that you have in your house to your child and let him decide what he can do with glue and paint without cutting tools (he may need your help to cut it).
  • Musical Cups – Pour water into teacups (8 pieces) in order of decreasing volume to get the tones from thick to thin. The glass that is full to the brim will sound thick, and the glass that is the least filled will sound the thinnest. Choose a thick type of glass so that the glasses do not break easily. Then show how you can produce melodies with soft strokes with the help of a spoon and leave the rest to your child.
  • Home Basketball – Cut out whatever worn-out clothes you have in your home and re-sew them into a ball (must be at least 10 balls). Let your child try to throw these balls into a small laundry basket from a distance, so that they can both have fun and develop.
  • Tent Camping at Home – If you have a stable table with legs, a large sheet or blanket, flashlight and cushions in your home, let your child set up his own camp and dream in the tent.
  • Balloon game – Inflate a balloon and give it to your child. Let’s see how long he will be able to keep it in the air by hitting it with his hand after throwing this balloon.
  • Kinetic Sand – Kids love to play with kinetic sand because it unleashes their creativity and sense of touch. Let time flow with sand for him.
  • Pyramid Topple Game – Have your child try to topple the cardboard cups you have stacked on top of each other with a tennis ball. You just line up the glasses at the beginning of the game, then this task is his job.
  • Children relax while listening to music. Introduce your child to musical genres and musical instruments. If possible, teach him to play a musical instrument (piano, mandolin, flute, suitable for children of this age).
  • Have your child do free painting work every day.
  • If your child is 3 years or older, they should be able to draw pictures of people. Teach him to draw a picture of a person with each piece.
  • Play every day with plug-in and unplug Legos.
  • Let him create various shapes with soft dough. You can color the dough shapes later.
  • Play mind training games such as the differences between two pictures together, the absurd events in the picture.
  • Have him play with jigsaw puzzle type toys with few pieces.
  • Allow your child to use non-edged scissors. Help him cut with scissors by drawing a straight line on the paper.
  • Play games where he can build towers and shapes with cubes.
  • Allow your child to use non-edged scissors. Help him cut with scissors by drawing a straight line on the paper.

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