Recently, I spent a lot of time in hospitals due to the illness of my friends and relatives. In particular, I tried to be with patients and their relatives who are struggling with the coronavirus curse, and I helped as much as I could.
On the one hand, we experienced the joy of those whose life story continues and what the Creator bestowed on their loved ones, on the other hand, we experienced the sadness of those whose due date came to an end and who attained the mercy of the right.
Therefore, this week, I wanted to touch on the psychology of mourning after the loss.
In addition to the experiences that human beings can control in their life journey, there are also painful experiences that they cannot control. The loss of a loved one is one of the most painful experiences out of our control.
It enters the period of mourning, which is left behind immediately after the loss. Grieving as a result of being exposed to painful situations is a natural response and must be experienced. If the individual does not grieve after the loss, we can talk about an abnormal situation there.
The grieving process is very challenging. This period has some physical, emotional, cognitive and behavioral symptoms.
During the mourning period, the individual may show human symptoms such as feeling like he is going to suffocate, decreased appetite, feelings of guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, avoiding stimuli that will remind him of the loss, and disbelief in the loss. These symptoms also differ from person to person. We cannot talk about the same grief period symptoms for every individual.
If the mourning process has not become pathological in the individual who has experienced the loss, the ideal target is; It is the ability to accept the loss and reorganize his life. Of course, it is foreseen to pass through certain stages for this.
In the first stage of learning about the loss, the individual experiences shock and numbness.
In the second stage, the person denies the loss and there may be a state of social withdrawal. Or he may deny the loss as if nothing had happened.
If the individual overcomes the first and second stages in his natural process, the probability of starting to adapt to life gradually increases. The danger of the first and second stages is depressive exacerbations.
The individual, who can pass to the third stage in the natural process, wants the lost person to come back. He is in the period of questioning, loneliness and anger. Experiencing these real emotions indicates an effort to adapt.
In the last stage, the person experiences feelings of helplessness when he feels that he can’t do anything, and then a process of acceptance is entered. With the decrease in the intensity of the grief reactions, the person begins to adapt to life.
These steps do not have to go in the order in which they are written. There may be a change in order.
If the mourning process of the individual does not subside between six and twenty-four months, we can talk about a pathological mourning danger.
If the person experiences intense feelings of guilt twenty-four months after the loss, has suicidal thoughts, cannot control his anger, has a constant interest in the memories and belongings of the disappeared person, and has somatic problems, it is time to consult an expert.
I recommend the following to individuals who have experienced a loss for a normal grief process;
– Try not to close yourself in dialogue.
-Don’t stop your crying. Crying is a natural and relaxing behavior that shows you have feelings.
– Do not neglect your basic physical needs. (sleep, nutrition, etc.)
– Try to leave the grieving process to time. If you constantly try to forget, you actually push the acceptance phase away.
-Be prepared for the compelling effect of special days related to the disappeared person.
-Be aware of the grieving process, allow yourself to experience this process, do not expect everything to be the same as before.
It can be good to talk to people who have experienced similar losses.
-It will be good to visit the grave, pray and experience your pain. Do not suppress your sadness.
Do not stay away from your daily social activities. It will be to your advantage to gradually return to your social life after the loss.
On this occasion, I wish God’s mercy on my uncle Süleyman Peker, whom we lost in the past days, who spent every part of his life with kindness and beauty, and whom we later call a beautiful person with full of hearts. May the places of all our loved ones and good people be the most beautiful corner of heaven…