When a baby is born, the people who can love and benefit the most are undoubtedly their parents. For their parents, their babies are the most precious treasures in the world. Parents evaluate their opportunities in the direction of benefiting their children. They go to work after sleepless nights, they give up many activities they enjoy, they entertain their children after they come tired from work, they are guilty of leaving their children to go to work and to be with their children all the time, except for compulsory situations, although they miss a very important point!… heart Which organ pumps blood first? Brain! Lungs! NO! The heart first pumps blood to itself! If it cannot pump blood to itself, it cannot pump blood to any other organ. Since today’s parents aim for the best and the most ideal for their children, they cannot spare even half an hour for an activity that they can enjoy among the stresses of work and life. As a result of this, she thinks that she has a pleasant time with her baby at home with her negative energy that she is not aware of. However, when he returns after an activity that he can enjoy occasionally (such as walking outdoors, drinking coffee with a friend..) .
One of the most common mistakes parents make is ‘the baby doesn’t understand!!’ Although a baby cannot make sense of many information that has developed around him from the mother’s womb on a conscious level, his feelings and knowledge are recorded in his subconscious. Parents say on behalf of their children ‘he was young, he could not remember or understand’ about life events such as accidents, fights, violence, moving, adoption, death, but it is recorded in the child’s subconscious. When a baby comes into this world, he tries to describe his surroundings much more than an adult tries to perceive. For example, when a baby goes out of his usual routine for more than a long day, he gets stressed, and this is why when a baby goes on vacation with his family, his sleep, eating patterns may be disrupted or he may get sick. The adult, who looks at the child because he does not understand, cannot make sense of this situation. However, the baby, who is considered not to understand, is stressed because he is out of the routine. Here, instead of thinking that he does not understand the baby, the parent can express that he understands his anxiety with a compassionate and calm tone. When a person is stressed, their body releases a damaging stress hormone called adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH), and a baby instinctively cries to get rid of this hormone and relax. In scientific studies, in the examination of emotional tears and tears shed by using teardrops, ACTH was found in emotional tears, but ACTH was not observed in tears made using teardrops. If a baby cries due to stress, out of physical need (hunger, wetness, pain and fever), the parent should container the baby and tenderly allow the baby to regulate himself until he calms down. Instead of suppressing the crying of the child, such as attracting attention to other things, taking a walk, talking with compassion, talking to her that she is afraid, that she understands her feelings, and making sensual contact with her, should make her baby feel that she is safe.
As the babies they bring into the world grow, the issues that parents have difficulty in coping with change. The main issues are refusal of food, sleep, TV tablet time, picking up toys, stubbornness, not wanting to go home from the park, not wanting to go to kindergarten, etc. Here, parents tell their children why what should happen, why it should be done, what can happen if it happens, sometimes by encouraging and sometimes not. they patiently explain how it can be bad.. but they can’t get results, the child again exhibits the same undesirable behaviors. Children cannot understand verbal expressions because they think concretely. They think that the child understands when the adult explains it at length. . However, the child’s language of communication is not words! Children learn by experience! Let’s tell a child a million times, ‘Don’t touch it, you’ll burn’, but the child tries to touch that hot object again. Here, the parent should allow the child to experience that heat by holding the hand of the child under the control of his/her own safety. It is more effective for the child to learn that the object is dangerous by experiencing it himself, than to be told a million times by his parents.
Parents can start setting limits on their children after they are 24 months old. Not setting limits on a child is the worst thing that can be done to him. Boundaries and the stability within these limits make the child feel safe. One day, a parent may make an alternative to a dish that the child does not like, while another day he may be angry with his child for not eating. Because, due to the nature of the human being, sometimes the feelings of the parents can naturally reach undesirable levels. To prevent this, there must be borders and stability must be ensured.
When there is a crisis with the child, there are 3 steps in the stage of teaching the rules to ensure order. These steps are briefly as follows: In the mirroring stage, which is the first step; The parent should first look at the event from the mind of their child. Why does he deny the event? Why doesn’t he want to? Or why is he giving this reaction? These questions are not as the perception of the parent, but what is the thought, emotion that goes through the mind of the child at that age? He should express in his language that the answers he finds by answering from his eyes are understood to his child, also by making use of his facial expressions. He should talk about the child’s feelings and thoughts, without judging him, without trying to explain what should happen, in a way that will make his child feel that he is understood. Every individual who feels understood without being judged opens the doors of communication. Why never child here? Why? Such questions should not be asked! The questions should be answered by the parent from the mind of the child, presumably, by telling the child with his/her feelings, he/she should indicate that he/she is understood. Of course, the fact that the parent told him that he understood the reason for not doing the right thing to his child does not mean that he will not give him that responsibility! We move on to the second step, the boundary setting stage. How to make him feel understood and accepted unconditionally with his feelings in the 1st mirroring stage, the rule that should be a maximum of one sentence, as a calm but equally confident and determined parent, should be clearly stated in the 2nd step setting limits.3. In the step of making a choice part, it is necessary to give the child the right to make a negative and positive choice by using the language ‘you’ and to allow the child to experience the responsibility of the choice he has made. Let’s not forget that there is no democratic relationship between parent and child. A democracy cannot be expected in life where a child whose right or wrong mechanism has not reached a certain maturity yet says, “I will only eat chocolate,” and the parent allows him to choose it.
To give an example of these three steps: there is spinach in the food and the child hates to eat spinach and wants to eat pasta. What needs to happen here is to accept the truth by saying, “Spinach looks very disgusting to you, it has a bad smell, you don’t want to eat it!” .step limit) ”you should eat two spoons of this spinach.!!” In making the choice which is step 3, ”you choose to eat two spoons of spinach and then you choose to eat pasta and other favorite foods, or you choose not to eat the spinach you love tonight If you choose to stop eating things, which do you choose? By saying that, we should make the child experience taking responsibility for his choice. If the parent gives the pasta to the child after saying these things, they cannot teach the child to take responsibility for the choice made by the child, and the child does not refer to what the parent says, because the child has a perception of inconsistent parenting with what they say. Limits should be set for children, they should be accepted by making them feel understood, limits should be set and choices should be presented. There is no bad parenting, but there is bad parenting. Behaviors that we think are right and that we do with good intentions towards our children can harm them in the long run. To set boundaries for children, but this limit should be set as it should be.