Didn’t you think children who would change the world didn’t change marriages? We want to get married and have children with a thousand and one dreams (it doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman for this request). We find someone suitable for us right away, we get married. There are those who die of love while getting married, and there are those who make a logical marriage.
After we get married, we say that everything will be better and have a “baby” and we have children. Not bad during pregnancy, an excitement… Problems start after delivery. Our couples, who believe that it is not always necessary to meet on a common point, but that each other should be respected, once you see, they got into each other. The subject of course is the child!
Of course, both parents want to do what they know best and what is best for their child. There is no problem in this, but there is a problem about who is more right. It is not normally seen that men and women who grew up in two different families easily meet at the same point, so when it comes to children, it’s almost immediately.
The mother wants one thing, the father another. While both are responsible, when something happens to the child, whoever is with him is declared problematic. There is a conflict at home. At that moment, should the child cry because he is afraid or fall, or should he cry to the arguing parents?
I especially look at those who come to me about children; The father does not allow what the mother allows, the mother says no to what the father says okay. You, as a parent, have as much conflict as you want, this is your problem, but do not reflect this on the children and create a confusion of authority in the child.
An inconsistent parent profile causes the child to both use the situation and experience internal conflict. The good cop bad cop game doesn’t work on the kid. He should know both authorities and accept that both authorities said no.
Let’s say the child wants to go to the movies with his friends, he asked the mother; “Let’s talk about this between your father and the two of us, and let’s answer your question that way”
Let’s diversify the example now “we also want you to have fun and spend time with your friends, but we have to think about it”
It can happen if one of the parties gives permission. You should say “Okay, if your father gave permission, just let me know” and talk to the father. You shouldn’t use sentences like you didn’t get the child’s permission from me, it’s not enough for the father to give permission.
And no matter what, you have a shared responsibility. Parenting shouldn’t be questioning which of you is the better parent, deciding who is the best. Marriage is a teamwork, a partnership. Both your profit and your loss. Conflict not only wastes time, it also reduces success. For your information…