Lying behavior in children

Lying is deliberately deceiving another with words that are deliberately fabricated and have nothing to do with the truth. Children up to the age of 5 cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy very well because their dreams develop so quickly. They speak exaggeratedly until the age of 6-7. (Kırkıncıoğlu, 2003. p.127).

A lie is a truth that begins with the existence of humanity. This fact, which none of us likes, appears in every aspect of our lives. We show this behavior, which we do not approve or even ruthlessly criticize when it is done by someone else. Although we have a valid reason of our own, lying should never be resorted to.

Lying is not just the words that come out of our mouths. Cheating and cheating are also included in lies. With all these varieties, lying is encountered in all professions. However, educators bear a great responsibility in this regard. It is of great importance for the child’s present and future life to detect behavioral disorders in the child’s development process early and take the necessary precautions. If so, it is necessary to have sufficient knowledge about lying in order to fulfill this responsibility successfully.

Why Do Children Lie?

Children in general; They may lie to attract attention, avoid punishment, gain some benefits, get attention, get rid of some responsibilities that are difficult for them, and because of their fears. Although there are individual differences in each child, children begin to reason at the age of 7, when they begin to perceive abstract concepts, and at the age of 11, they begin to distinguish between right and wrong as close to adults. The moral education he received and the beautiful models he saw are effective in this distinction. However, most young children unconsciously lie or do not tell the truth. It can become a habit when you say it is a child and ignore it. Saying things that are not true due to not being able to distinguish between dreams and reality is mostly seen between the ages of 3-7 during the game. In this period, it should be avoided to call the dreams of the child as “lies”. After the age of 7, this type of behavior decreases in most children, as the child better distinguishes between fantasy and reality.

a) Avoiding (avoiding) punishment: A child who is afraid of his father’s beating will lie because if he tells the truth, he will face punishment. A student who doesn’t do his homework lies because he doesn’t want the teacher to give him low grades.

b) Obtaining a reward (reward):The little boy lies to get attention because the attention he gets is his reward.

c) Because of their fear: The child may be influenced by the news of snatching on television, a horror movie, or a bad dream, and may tell his school that the murderer came and killed a friend. Again, the child may say that his teacher or a friend beat him. Such fanciful words may be due to various reasons, such as the child’s desire to attract the attention of his parents for various reasons, or the expression of this fear because he is very afraid of beating. The reason for such fears should be investigated very well, and it should not be forgotten that in some cases it may lead to unfair accusations of others. Children who produce various scenarios because they are dreamers can be directed to various activities such as painting, theater or writing.

Of all these, the most worrying thing is that the child lies to gain an advantage or to get rid of a responsibility and thinks that he is making people around him believe it. For example, when a child whose parents are uninterested gets a bad grade in the written text, he can easily say that he got a good grade from the written grade because his parents knew that he would go to school and do research, and this behavior becomes a continuity and creates the beginning of bigger lies in the future.

A child who says that his father does not give enough pocket money can also get pocket money from his mother or grandfather without his father’s knowledge. A child who takes his friend’s belongings without permission may tell the people at home that his friend gave it to him as a gift. If deterrent measures are not taken in children who tell lies in this way and if the child is not noticed that the lie is understood, such behaviors will continue in pre-adolescence and adolescence, become a habit and lead to personality problems.

Apart from all this, children, jealousy and ADHD. (Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder) may show the behavior of lying because of an organic and psychological problem. In such cases, the child should seek help from a specialist.

a) The child’s learning to “lie” as a model: Our parents have been lying to us since we were little. “Son, be quiet, I’ll buy you chocolate. “But the chocolate that will be given when it is silent is not taken. “When your father comes in the evening, he will bring you toys”. Don’t tell me, what does the child understand from a lie? But his mind automatically records these lies. The child grows up a little and then witnesses other lies. When the phone comes to the house, the father says, “My son is not at home”. His mother takes the minibus with her 9-year-old son, but lies, saying “he is only 5 years old, he does not go to school” in order to make a profit of three or five cents. If he sees his neighbor, whom he pulled at home, in the neighborhood, he will show a smiling face and praise. The child who grows up in such a family starts to lie himself, thinking that lying is a very natural thing.

b) The child’s learning to “lie” from printed and visual publications: One day, watch your television only to find the lies in the programs you watch. How many lies do you think you come across in love series, action movies, magazine programs, morning shows, commercials, news? Unfortunately, we learn to lie from television when we are little. Even in the most innocent cartoons and novels, lying is engraved in the subconscious of us as such a normal thing that it becomes very difficult to get it out of our minds afterwards.

c) The child’s learning to “lie” from his/her environment: Even if our family doesn’t lie and we don’t watch TV, there are so many people around us who lie. In short, our friends, neighbors, uncles and aunts can lie while looking into our eyes. Sometimes they lie as a joke, but in the end, the result does not change and we are faced with lies again.

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