Low self esteem

Low self esteem; It can be defined with concepts such as over-adapting, succumbing to situations, self-doubt, insecurity, loneliness, passivity, depression, sensitivity to criticism, feelings of inferiority, lack of confidence and feeling unloved. Lack of self-confidence, with a simple recipe; It is that the person does not have enough confidence in himself to be able to realize and act on what he wants in life. It is the inability to encourage oneself, the belief that one will succeed is not enough. Self-confidence enables a person to be happy first and then successful in all areas of life. In the case of lack of self-confidence, the person is not happy because he is not satisfied with himself and his abilities, and he cannot achieve success in whatever he takes, because he does not believe that he will succeed. It may not even be possible to make an attempt most of the time. In the lack of self-confidence; The individual constantly doubts himself, gives up quickly in the face of difficulties, submits to authority, is passive, distrustful of himself and those around him, has a feeling of inferiority and has a high tendency to fall into depression.

What Usually Occurs in People with a Low Self-Confidence?

In general, a person with a lack of self-confidence shows symptoms such as pessimism, asociality, saying yes to everything, social phobia, depression, guilt, and inability to express interest in the opposite sex. If you can’t say no to people around you about something you don’t want, you can’t set limits in your relationships, you can’t be in social situations, you feel worthless and inadequate, you may have a lack of self-confidence. These symptoms can also lead to very serious diseases, such as depression, headache, loss of appetite, self-harm. Lack of self-confidence can be seen as a psychological problem. There are symptoms such as being closed to the outside world, afraid of socializing and failing.

There is no such thing as a person’s lack of self-confidence. The issue of self-confidence appears at three different levels. Self-confidence types are classified as overconfidence, low self-confidence, and high self-confidence.

How Does a Lack of Self-Confidence Occur?

Lack of self-confidence occurs for a variety of reasons. Lack of self-confidence is a situation that generally arises at a young age, due to problems in raising and education of children. This situation starts in the family first. The attitude of the family towards the child during childhood is of great importance. In the family, the child’s humiliation, lack of value, lack of respect and love create a lack of self-confidence. In this case, the child, who feels worthless, insignificant and useless, experiences this situation all his life. The development of self-confidence can be related to the first childhood periods and subsequent events or attitudes. For this reason, children with a lack of self-confidence are raised.

This situation occurs not only within the family, but also due to factors outside the family. These factors are; what happens in the family, school period, friend environment, environment. The biggest factors that cause a lack of self-confidence are that the teacher does not treat the child correctly during the school period, that he is mocked in the environment of friends, that he is not valued in his environment, that he is not respected and loved. The continuation of this situation prevents the individual from having a healthy mood. Therefore, individuals do not have self-esteem. Individuals without self-esteem are always seen differently in society. This situation causes them to be unnoticed and ignored throughout their lives. Therefore, parents should show their children the necessary love and respect. During the school period, teachers should give every student the necessary attention. As a result, they become individuals with high self-confidence. Children grow up to be healthier individuals.

Feelings of inferiority and hopelessness often emerge after some negative life experiences at home, school or work. For example, your parents may not have been able to provide you with a healthy and supportive environment while you were growing up. They may be very critical, demanding, and/or overprotective of you. As a result, you start to think negatively about yourself.

Thoughts That Cause a Lack of Self-Confidence

Losing a family member or close friend. For example: your parents’ divorce, being away from your home for the first time (separating from family and friends), breaking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Rather than perceiving negative events such as failure and disappointment as an experience, dwelling on them too much. Criticizing yourself or your abilities in a very harsh way. Evaluating the consequences of events worse than they actually are. Feeling too much pressure to meet the wishes and expectations of your family and friends about you and this prevents you from developing your own identity and making your own decisions. Setting unrealistic goals. Fear of failure. For example; When you fail a class, think of yourself as a useless and unsuccessful person rather than a good person who failed a class.

Why Do We Experience Lack of Self-Confidence?

According to research, 35% of people in working life lack self-confidence in asking for a raise. While 52% cannot present to the public, 46% have the problem of not being able to speak in front of the public. 25% of the employees avoid asking for a break during the project or work process. Studies show that the approach styles of the family and the environment are at the root of the self-confidence problem experienced by individuals. Individuals who have not been able to get approval from their families from an early age have problems with self-confidence in later ages. It is stated that children who constantly hear sentences such as “You can’t do it, don’t touch it, don’t touch it, your peers are much better than you” from their parents may have trouble making peace with themselves throughout their lives.

Lack of Self Confidence for Adults

Children face intense criticism in their early childhood, which forms the basis of life. As a result of the criticism they receive, they see their goals as dreams and ask “I wonder?” they are approaching. In this period between the ages of 2-6; It is emphasized that giving enough love to children, not comparing them with their peers, answering their questions carefully and having a good time with them will yield positive results.

For adults, different ways of developing self-confidence are suggested. The problem of self-confidence in adult individuals, in addition to the negative reactions from the family and childhood, causes them to develop a belief that the environment in which they grew up, the failures they have experienced, and the negativities are destiny. While individuals with full self-confidence see negative experiences as experiences, individuals who do not have self-confidence show an approach like “These always happen to me”.

While lack of self-confidence can trigger important psychological problems, it is quite possible to say that the foundation of lack of self-confidence begins to be laid at a very young age. Self-confidence is damaged over time. Since childhood, we exhibit certain behaviors consciously or unconsciously, and we receive feedback from those around us, especially our families, against our every behavior. We evaluate the reactions we receive from the environment and come to a conclusion that what we are doing is good or bad. The child believes that he/she is valuable and sufficient if he/she receives appreciation, love and respect from his/her environment after displaying a behavior. On the contrary, if the child is constantly criticized and punished by his environment; he will develop a belief that he is bad, incompetent, and incompetent. By repeating such situations and behaviors many times, the child will begin to see himself as worthless, inadequate, and will experience fear of making mistakes and being criticized.

Do Childhood Traumas or What Happened During Those Days Have a Role in the Basis of Lack of Self-Confidence?
Childhood traumas are considered among the main causes of low self-esteem. In this period; Children who are excluded by their families, who are emotionally neglected, who are exposed to sexual abuse, have more self-confidence problems. Children who are excluded and neglected by their families often feel unloved and evaluate themselves as unsuccessful and worthless. They close in on themselves because they believe they will be easily rejected by people. Abuse, on the other hand, undermines the child’s emotional and sexual development, interpersonal relationships, and self-confidence. Disliking their physical appearance, feeling shame and guilt are among the most common symptoms in abused children. Therefore, these symptoms cause other symptoms of lack of self-confidence, such as not entering social environments and being withdrawn. It is not given much importance in the society, but the lack of self-confidence starts in childhood and in adulthood; It can lead to disorders such as depression and social phobia.

What are the Factors Leading to Lack of Self-Confidence?

The first of the factors that lead to a lack of self-confidence is definitely the wrong attitude of the family. These are generally;

Inability to give the feeling of being loved and valued enough under all circumstances,
Failure to trust the child
Insufficient support of the child’s abilities
Not giving responsibility to the child
Not providing environments for the child to experience the pleasure of success,
Failure to present achievable goals to the child,
Not being with the child in both success and failure situations, showing only success-oriented love,
Punishment-oriented behavior tendencies,
The child is not given enough freedom,
It can be listed as not creating a personal environment for the child at home.

Another important factor leading to a lack of self-confidence is negative teacher attitudes. Because when the child reaches school age, the mother is with the teacher all day rather than the father. In this respect, teacher behaviors that lead to a lack of self-confidence in children are generally;

Not paying attention to the fact that every child has different characteristics and the importance of individual differences,
Expecting the highest success from each student,
Expecting each student to be successful in very different subjects such as mathematics, grammar or foreign language,
Expecting every child to obey every command,
Showing love only to students with high grades
Applying the behavioral approach and punishing every wrong behavior,
Focusing on the result rather than the process or cause in behavior,
It can be listed as ignoring the characteristics of the developmental age of children and entering into false expectations.

What are the Causes of Lack of Self-Confidence? What Is It Caused By?

Childhood Neglect

Childhood years are the years when personality develops and takes shape. Everything that children experience, even small events that we cannot even think of, leave a mark on their personality and show their effect in the following years. Children who are silenced, not allowed to express their wishes and thoughts, or who have witnessed domestic violence and internalized it, often have self-confidence problems in later life.

Abuse

Children who are sexually abused during their childhood experience self-confidence problems in adulthood. The child feels guilty all his life due to the terrible trauma he has experienced, and cannot gather the necessary self-confidence.

Physical appereance

Appearance is important to gain self-confidence. A person who trusts his body also trusts his personality. For example, children and adults with obesity have difficulty gaining self-confidence. They think that their outward appearance is an obstacle to gaining a place in the society, and they close in on themselves. One of the reasons for not being able to go out in public is the fact that the person is not at peace with himself, and the desire to constantly put himself in other people’s shoes.

High Expectations of Parents

Of course, every parent wants their child to be successful. However, when this situation is overdone, when parents pressure their children to be successful and instill ambition, the child competes with himself and loses his self-confidence. The child should not be punished harshly, nor should he be rewarded when he succeeds. Factors such as not being with him when he is unsuccessful and being left alone are seen as the most important reasons for a child’s lack of self-confidence.

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