Have you ever thought that you have found the love you are looking for in the dating stage that has just started? Did the other person make you feel like the most beautiful/handsome person in the world and take you above the clouds? Do you feel like you’ve known each other for years, even though you’ve only just met? Of course, we should not forget about exaggerated gifts, hourly calls, jealousy and restrictions. If all of this sounds familiar to you, congratulations, you are faced with a bomb with the pin pulled.
Love Bombing: This term, which we have started to hear frequently lately, is one of the types of emotional violence that makes the partner believe that everything is perfect and will happen at the beginning of the relationship, and then acts the opposite and causes the partner to question himself. There are studies showing that narcissistic individuals use this weapon to manipulate their partners and make them dependent on them. In the first stage of love bombing, which continues in a vicious circle, the manipulator makes his partner feel at the peak of love while they are at the beginning of the dating stage. With lots of attention and messages, excessive compliments, approving every word and action of the partner, and incessant gifts, the partner begins to experience the ‘best’ within himself and thinks that he is in a drenched love. Most partners can’t help but savor the situation, even when they realize deep down that things are going fast. While everything continues like a dream, other phases begin and the manipulator withdraws, begins to act as the opposite of his previous behavior or leaves. While everything is going on like a dream, danger bells start to ring for the partner who can’t see the old interest and compassion, and in his mind, “Is he alienated from me, I wonder? It was like he was in love, why did it happen like that?” He is devastated by endless thoughts. At this point, the partner finds himself doing his best and even doing many things he does not want to do to regain the love and attention he is attached to. As soon as the manipulator is sure of your love and attention, he starts to control your emotions and you get into a vicious circle where you compromise yourself too much in order not to lose the love and attention that you are addicted to. Now let’s see what we need to pay attention to so that this pin-pulled bomb does not explode in the middle of our lives:
-Be realistic. Of course, our moods change for the better when we all – especially those who have suffered great damage in their past relationships – receive attention from the person we like. But if someone you’ve just met keeps telling you that they’re madly in love with you or that they’ve found the love of their life, it’s a good idea to think carefully about what a person can love without getting to know you before you throw yourself into their arms.
– Consult your friends and family. Of course, it is normal not to be able to see certain things and not to look objectively while living a relationship. At this point, consult the opinions of the people around you. Instead of taking sentences like “Isn’t it a bit too much” or “You’re going too fast” as direct criticism, think about it first.
– Draw your boundaries. It’s up to you how much someone can interfere in your life. Intervene without excessive jealousy, restraint, endless calls, messages or gifts manipulating you – without the other person interfering with you.
Remember! No one expects, “If someone comes across me, I will do these things to him”. In fact, the other person is most likely not even aware of what he is doing because he is an individual with different dynamics or pathologies within himself, and unfortunately, the solution to these can be with a specialist therapist, not your patience, love or care.