Of course, we all have a definition or at least an opinion on this subject, but rather than that, I came to talk about what love is not.
Although the love songs we listen to from generation to generation, the romance novels we read or the TV series we watch –the common thing is that they tell the right proportion between love and pain-the problem actually starts with growing up in dysfunctional families. Now, as you read this, I hear you saying, “My family was perfectly normal, of course there are arguments etc. must-
Of course, when all these come together, the drama we will experience in our emotional relationships in our adulthood is inevitable. At first we are suddenly drawn to people who are cold, apathetic, or melancholic. Especially if he is someone who says he has never loved anyone before and lacks loyalty and commitment, it will be inedible. Then, without wasting any time, we make a list of the features that need to be changed and get to work. Because we think that his life needs to get better and that we need our help to make it happen. We are now in a toxic relationship with all these motivations. After that, it is about meeting the needs of the other party that we have created in our own mind, understanding it and trying to fix his life. This ranges from buying clothes for her to change her appearance, supporting her financially or letting her emotionally abuse us because she doesn’t know how to live in a relationship. This giving of yours cannot be reciprocated by his seldom calls and inconsistent attitudes, good or bad. On the contrary, you think about whether he values you or not, and this confusion begins to wear you down physically and mentally. It’s time for the most powerful weapon SEX! “How can sex be so good in such a bad relationship?” Perhaps you have asked yourself this question before. Before you say “skin harmony”, let me tell you, sex is a perfect manipulation tool for bad relationships. The person satisfies the feeling of togetherness and intimacy he seeks in a relationship with sex. Because while having sex, all the boundaries between her and her partner are removed and a sense of togetherness is formed. That’s why the obsessive person always strives to provoke and satisfy the other person more.
What I’ve told you may sound like a failed relationship or a deep love, but in truth, this is NOT LOVE, IT’S JUST AN obsession. In fact, this situation can be considered as a kind of addiction. Because people experience the lack of such a relationship in the form of a feeling of emptiness and depression, and either look for new fronts to struggle with or go back to the old ones. Let me tell you frankly, learning how to get out of this vicious circle and establish healthy and peaceful relationships is not an easy task. In the first place, he has to accept that it is just an obsession, not love, and gain the insight that all his struggles so far are only about himself, not his partners. Now I end the article by reminding a fact that we all forget.
We wouldn’t be where we are now if we spent half the effort we put into changing the lives of our partners to improve our own lives.