Living with the Angry Child

Sometimes we have witnessed children cry for no reason(!), that is, for no reason that we know or see. They may show crying behavior like crazy. In fact, they cry only to cry, with “excuses that will not fill the fig core”, such as why the color of their socks is not yellow and pink, why their baby’s hair is not short and long, why do you have eyebrows over your eyes and not your hair. In addition to crying, they experience outbursts of anger that can even take their behavior to a higher level when they cry “you say not to throw yourself on the ground, don’t hit the nearest one, don’t bite”. Imagine that when you go to the grocery store for home shopping, your child wants to buy chocolate, and when you say “no, we can’t buy it right now”, he starts crying attacks and even exhibits behaviors such as throwing himself on the ground, shouting, and then exhibiting aggressive attitudes. (Perhaps you have even experienced this situation). Were these outbursts of anger and crying spells really just because you said no? These behaviors that your child shows can be interpreted as “having the chocolate removed” in your eyes. However, it cannot be said that this means the same thing for the child.

We can talk about the fact that almost no child will come to this point with a single no, and we are also aware of the invisible side of the iceberg. What we cannot see is that the child has such heavy feelings that he has accumulated and that he needs anger in order to discharge these feelings. The fact that parents take a stance to understand the child does not prevent him from crying or having an outburst of anger. On the contrary, it will increase the child’s feelings and anger in the face of this situation. At some points, the “ignoring” method is used to cope with the child’s behavior during a tantrum. However, these behaviors shown by the child may also be a desire to give a “see me” message, contrary to what is known. As we ignore this behavior, the child’s tendency to have a tantrum increases. So what should I do? It will be much better if we know what anger is before we go on to answer the question.

What we call anger is difficult to deal with, we can express it as the overflow of our accumulated emotions as they can no longer bear it. It is useful to know that anger is not a behavior but a part of life, and being angry and showing it sometimes is an extremely healthy and natural process. However, if you have a child who gets angry often and regularly has crises, experiences intense anger and shows aggression, it is possible to talk about a problem there. Around 18 months, most children have tantrums when they get angry. These seizures peak at the end of the second year and decrease after the third year. This is because around the age of three, children realize that language is a more effective means of obtaining their desires. Like adults, some children get angry more easily than others. A little provocation would be enough for children like a pressure cooker carrying high steam pressure to explode.

When and How Should I Take Care?

If your child’s anger turns into physical aggression towards others, argues with classmates almost every day, gets angry more intensely than other children of the same age, cries and hits others frequently, does not respond to calming efforts or pushes you by shouting, finds something to be angry about in all areas of life and uses these substances If you say yes, you encounter these situations as you read, it’s time to take care of it.

In any case, there is one thing you need to know, which is to remain calm. It must be admitted that it is difficult to stay calm in front of your child who is having a tantrum, throwing himself to the ground, and exhibiting aggressive behavior. If your child is driving you mad, ask for a break to calm down. Hugging your child during a tantrum, standing next to him, and giving the message I understand you are among the priority preferences. But if you do not see the situation in yourself to be able to do this at that moment, it would be right to get away from there for a short time instead of shouting and getting angry.

Try to understand why. Let’s face it, children can’t balance and manage their emotions like adults do. The suppressed emotions do not disappear and appear with anger when you least expect it or in the face of a situation. For this reason, it is necessary to try to know the cause of the situation that causes anger. For this, you should stop the work you are doing at that moment for a short time and give the message “I care about you, I want to take care of you”. Trying to redirect will be effective. Accompanying your child to wash his hands and face, making him feel that he is with you emotionally at that moment strengthens the emotional bond between you and the child. For this, guidance on how to get rid of the child’s anger will be effective.

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