Living with a narcissistic spouse

Do you feel worthless and humiliated in your relationship? Are you constantly criticized or blamed, directly or indirectly, by your partner? Does your partner react aggressively to criticism and won’t admit their mistakes? Do you feel that your self-confidence and self-respect are slowly fading? Do you compromise yourself too much while trying to make your spouse or partner happy? Think you can’t please him no matter what you do?

If so, it’s possible that your relationship is developing on a perverse basis and may indicate that you have a narcissistic partner. Narcissism is accepted as a personality disorder and the individual can make both his own life and especially his partner’s life unbearable. Narcissistic personality disorder is more common in men than women. In line with the intensity of feelings of worthlessness and inferiority complexes, the person exhibits his narcissistic characteristics more and his reactions may be more severe. Narcissists, who see themselves as very special and important, seek direct satisfaction, want to be admired and approved, are perfectionists, think they are magnificent, have a great need to be loved and valued, and they manipulate their partners to fulfill these needs. Narcissists’ approach to relationships is also self-directed. Relationships; It is built on feeding their egos and feeling good about themselves as a result. These people like their partners to “love themselves” rather than loving them. In fact, under all that sense of perfection in narcissistic people, there is a worthless, fragile, lonely, sense of self.

Usually everything is going perfectly at the beginning of the relationship, you think you have found the love of your life and your partner is the perfect person. Afterwards, the course of the relationship starts to change completely and proceeds in the opposite direction of the initial situation. The aim of the narcissistic partner here is to show himself in the best way with a false mask, to fascinate his partner, to numb, to make himself dependent and to make himself indispensable. When he achieves this, the narcissistic person begins to reveal the negative aspects of his personality. He acts like a dictator in the relationship. It devalues ​​their partner, destroys their self-esteem, humiliates, blames, belittles, cannot empathize and cannot see how their partner is feeling. It is also seen that such emotional and verbal manipulations can turn into physical violence.

The partner, on the other hand, tries to defend himself and react against these manipulations at first, but fails in this regard and is suppressed by the manipulator, and begins to feel inadequate and guilty. In some cases, he is afraid, gives in, accepts the situation in order to avoid causing fights, thinks that the situation is temporary, but gradually disappears and finds himself transformed into a different person than he is. He begins to lose his self-respect, become lonely and become indistinct. And over time, as it is exposed to manipulations, it adapts to the process that the narcissistic person manages so that problems do not arise.

Destructive effects such as depression, addiction and even suicide can be seen in partners in the role of victims in such a relationship, and at this point, it is very important to raise awareness in the person. Knowing the narcissistic partner is the most important condition for protection from him and his destructive effects. In addition, it will be comforting for the partner to know that the narcissistic person’s manipulations are not intentional, that they are related to their personality structure and that they can be treated with psychological support. If there is no physical violence, the person should be able to question the purpose of the narcissist’s humiliations and accusations and how he came to these judgments without losing his self-confidence and remaining unresponsive to the attacks. relationship or marriage can be restructured.

Stay with love…

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