It’s Time to Stop Self-Sabotaging

Self-handicapping, defined by Berglas and Jones in 1978, helps people maintain their self-esteem by attributing faults to external causes. The self-sabotage of the individual to protect his/her self occurs in two ways: Verbal and behavioral sabotage.

A voice inside may be telling you the opposite of what you actually want to do. For example, there is an important job interview that you need to prepare for, but instead of preparing for it, you wash and iron the curtains, wipe and clean the house from top to bottom. You see, you don’t have time to prepare. Trying to clean instead of sitting down and getting ready for a job interview

The reason behind may be your fear of failure. Because it’s possible to be prepared and rejected, when you’re not prepared and rejected, you can say that I haven’t worked hard anyway. This comfort may actually be done to prevent the self from being damaged by failure. While procrastinating is in the behavioral sabotage class, it’s in the excuse class that I haven’t worked hard anyway. You are preparing for an exam, but you left it until the last night and you realize that you did not work hard, you leave the exam and say, ‘I never understood the subject anyway’. The sabotage mechanism works by making excuses and being ready for it before it happens. All these excuses you put forward actually serve no purpose other than cutting the branch you are on.

Why Do People Sabotage Oneself?

Fear of Success

You may be someone who asks himself what happens if I succeed. If we look at the examples, there will be responsibilities waiting for you if you succeed. These responsibilities may not seem as sweet to you as succeeding. You can experience this if you grew up in a family environment where success was determined as endless goals. Success is never enough because after each one you are motivated by the other. On the other hand, you may worry if I will change when I am successful. Fear of success may arise if you will experience situations that will cause you to leave the environment you are in when you are successful.

Fear of Failure

If you grew up in a family environment where success was a priority, and if you grew up thinking that your parents would not love and sacrifice you as much as they did when you say you failed, it may actually be a defense from the past, with your reinforced belief that you should not fail. Procrastination and not making much effort are examples of these.

Feeling I Don’t Deserve

There may be a voice inside telling you that you don’t deserve success, love and be loved. Creating problems in a relationship that is going well, making mistakes over and over while getting a promotion, and graciously pushing someone away can have consequences of feeling undeserved. Why did I do this to myself that you will say/hear his plea to yourself much later? The reasons behind it; There may be thought errors, past life experiences, and traumatic memories you’ve had in the family.

Not Affording to Be Inconvenienced

Habits manifest themselves spiritually as well as materially. For example, if you are in trouble with the question of why I continue to stay in a relationship that you are unhappy with, you might think this. You’re used to this relationship, as much as it hurts. Not being prepared for the unhappiness and loneliness that will occur when it ends can stress and scare you. As the resulting gap may cause the need to be filled, you can prevent the feeling of discomfort that the gap will create in this way.

How Do I Prevent This?

1. The first step is to notice. It will not be easy for you to admit this to yourself. Even if you have a hard time, you need to give yourself time to accept it.

2. Then there is the search for the motivation behind sabotaging yourself. There could be many specific reasons for this. If this belief runs too deep, it is essential that you be determined to continue your effort. Otherwise, it won’t be a surprise to find yourself back on track.

3. If you’ve come this far, it’s time to be open to change. Easy in word, tough in action. Do not forget that you will resort to a different path than the one so far. Don’t expect to run right away on this new path you will learn. 4. You are the first person to support the person you see in the mirror. Let me know first that you can do this. On the other hand, social support relaxes you in this process. The presence of people next to you gives you strength.

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