What are the essential elements of a perfect relationship? Maybe an emotional intimacy, maybe passion? What about loyalty? Robert Sternberg pondered this and created the Love Triangle Theory (see previous posts for more on this). According to this theory, the main elements of love are commitment, passion, and emotional intimacy. He stated that relationships with these elements are longer lasting and healthy.
So what are the components of a perfect transcendent? Love; emotional of intimacy, passion and commitment It consists of three components. Based on these three sources, he created the “Triangle Love Theory”, which states that there are 7 states of love:
dislike : A situation in which only emotional intimacy predominates in a relationship. It is felt during the friendship and dating phase. For example, Asya feels that she can talk to Barış about many topics; he can talk about his childhood dreams or the traces that Stefan Zweig’s works left on his soul. Sometimes they can only watch the movies they like in common, and sometimes they can share their secrets (Intimacy).
madly love : When there is only physical passion in a relationship. It is usually felt intensely at the beginning of the relationship. There is no attachment or deep intimacy at this stage. Sinan prefers to have one-night stands. He especially feels an intense sexual attraction towards Alev; but he does not plan to have a romantic relationship other than the sex life he shares with her (Passion)
empty love : Love without intimacy or passion, but where partners feel connected. For example, planned marriages can turn into empty love over time. Muzaffer and Melis have been married for forty years. They once enjoyed spending time with each other and felt satisfied with their sex life. But lately they haven’t been feeling both; but they have no thoughts of leaving (Commitment)
Romantic love : In this type of love, both parties feel close to each other and experience physical passion. But as long as there is no commitment, it is as short-lived as summer romances. Arya and Can met last summer in Fethiye. They had a great time for three months: they went to concerts of their favorite bands, they gave morale in difficult times, they approached each other with passion. However, their relationship also ended with the summer (Intimacy + Passion).
friendly love: Partners discuss deep topics, feel close and connected. Such relationships, where there is little or no passion, can be seen in many years of marriage. İrem and Kerem have been best friends for years. They can consult each other on any subject; They laugh together and cry together. They got married after ten years of friendship. However, rather than a sexual attraction they feel for each other, it is like the crowning of two close friendships with marriage (Intimacy + Commitment).
stupid love : Although these people feel a physical attraction and attachment to the other person, there is no intimacy. It can be seen in people who fall in love and get married in a short time without having the opportunity to get to know each other. İpek and Sarp feel an intense attraction to each other. Even if they have romantic relationships with others for years, they continue their sexual lives together. They don’t talk about each other’s lives; they only come together for sex (Passion + Commitment).
perfect love : It is the most ideal, healthy and balanced type of love. In these relationships, partners feel close to each other, there is physical passion and long-term commitment. Ada and Ege met at the dance club at the University. As they danced, they realized that they had an intense desire for each other. After the dance for a long time, they went out to dinner together, went to the concerts they loved, and shared their worlds with each other as much as they did not open to anyone. After graduation, they got married.
Which relationships do you think are more common nowadays? Is it the sexual intercourse of strangers to each other, the marriage of long-lasting friendships, or the couples who share nothing but the promise they made to each other?
“The greatest thing in the world is to have a girlfriend who will also be your best friend” – Unknown
“The best relationships are not those committed to one common goal; those who depend on shared equality, desire, and a great deal of passion” – Sarah Maclean
“Love is not a vessel containing both security and adventure; Love is commitment that includes one of life’s greatest luxuries: time. Marriage is the beginning, not the end, of romance.” – Esther Perel