Today, as we see the increasing number of divorces, negative attitudes towards marriage have started to increase. Especially among young people, marriage has become a phenomenon that should be avoided as much as possible. The proposition that marriage equals unhappiness began to gain general acceptance. I am a believer in marriage. Of course, when I am a part of a marriage that is about to end 17 years, it is impossible for me to say the opposite:) Joking aside, marriage opens the doors of the most beautiful gifts of life in everything from morning coffee to sharing the same bed in the evening. Marriage is one of the building blocks of a consistent and solid society. In the legal sense, it is a partnership agreement made by mutual consent. Emotionally, it’s your dedication to your partner to spend our lives side by side, hand in hand, and mutual love. When you decide to get married, it means that you have promised each other to form a union of forces to support your household, have children, have sex, your hobbies, support each other, absorb disappointments, celebrate victories, be together for good and bad, in short, to compose the music of our lives together. Although H. Heine says “Marriage is a deep ocean where no compass works”, there is a way to be happy in marriage, there is a method, a formula. Everyone must have their own route and compass in order not to get lost in this deep ocean.
The main reason couples succeed or fail in living together is the WORDS they use. Talking to each other is an indication that we want to share our experiences with the person in front of us, that we value the person in front of us and how valuable they are to us. The tone of your voice and the words you use determine your attitude towards each other. The bond established by talking, just like the sexual bond, defines your relationship and strengthens this relationship. If our conversations are full of trust and love and we get satisfaction from these conversations, your relationship is a good one. Yes, the formula is that simple 🙂 If one of the parties is dominant in our conversations and the conversations are constantly tense, rude or hurtful, the relationship is insecure and unpleasant. In other words, it is a bad relationship. Free and open expression of thoughts and feelings is the most important indicator of a healthy marriage. The way we convey our thoughts and our hearts to our spouse reveals whether we are partners or enemies. Even improving our communication skills is very important for saving a marriage and navigating happy and peaceful waters together. As the master Cahit Zarifoğlu said, “Sooth your heart and your voice” so that your relationship will flourish and bloom. How you choose words and how you use them directly affects your spouse’s attitude and behavior towards you. The couple should honestly and openly express the issues, needs, wishes, feelings and limits that confuse and upset them, and should be careful to tell the truth in a way that does not harm their relationship.
Eye contact should be maintained while speaking, one should not be busy with anything else while listening, care should be taken to reveal emotions, body language should be observed and the speaker should not be interrupted. Quality conversation requires not only listening with understanding, but also explaining oneself. In short, it should be a habit to chat alone, eye to eye, hand in hand. I feel like I can hear those who say, oh, where is my teacher then? If we can’t find time to spare for each other for half an hour every evening, then here’s the funeral prayer. What was it with Kadir brother, that wonderful line sung in the movie of Türkan sister; LOVE REQUIRES WORK… Married life tests the couple with many difficulties. Only those who succeed in this test can be happy. Quality, sane, valiant, honest, sincere couples are never affected by difficulties, they always maintain their loyalty. The faithful and loyal couple always says “WE” with love, no matter what happens to them.
This is true loyalty and devotion. The foundation of a healthy and happy relationship is based on loyalty. Sometimes the couple is afraid to get close and want to get away from each other, this is normal and normal, but they can stay connected through loyalty. Loyalty is not dependency, it is commitment, taking responsibility, controlling fears and being emotionally prepared. Because the couple makes promises to each other when they get married. marriage officers; “Do you promise to love and protect each other in good times and bad, in sickness and in health?” she asks and the couple takes turns saying “Yes!” says. Pledge of allegiance means keeping promises made, staying true to the agreement made. One of the important characteristics of man is being loyal and abiding by the contract made. For this reason, the couple should stay away from behaviors that will damage the environment of trust, shake their trust towards each other, not fulfill their promises and break their contracts. Not keeping one’s word is disloyalty. In summary, I can say that those who want to BE HAPPY do the following; They do not blame, humiliate, criticize, do not fight, do not try to be right all the time and stay away from happiness. They focus on the beautiful, the good, the pleasant. They look for beauty in everything and they find it. They do not know the negativity from their loved ones, they take their own responsibilities and act accordingly. They stand with their loved ones, not against them. They own their feelings. They show their love by touching, hugging and kissing.
They do not shut up. They speak with their actions, choices, and beautiful words. And I can’t help but add that, although emotions are very, very important in marriage, marriage is essentially the art of acting with the mind and keeping our brains one step ahead of our hearts. I wish happiness to all married and newlyweds.