I’m Divorcing, What About My Child?

Children first learn to love and be loved from their parents. In a family environment, it is very important for parents to look at each other with love and to make their children feel this beautiful bond. Every child deserves to grow up in a happy and peaceful home. What child wants a home environment where there are constant fights at home and where parents look at each other with anger? Especially if the situation has reached the level of violence… Children feel the unhappiness and tension of their parents, in fact they are aware of everything… In such cases, a divorce decision may be the right decision for the psychological health of both the parents and the child, rather than continuing the marriage.

How will I explain the divorce to my child?

It is very important to manage this process correctly so that it does not cause permanent wounds in the child. First of all, this decision should be explained to the child in the most correct way in the presence of both parents. The explanations should be clear and not confuse the child further. The words of the parents should be consistent, promises should not be made to make the child happy at the moment, and the child should not be lied to. Parents should not speak in a blaming language. Children often blame themselves for the divorce and get the idea that “I made them sad, they’re getting divorced because of me”. In this process, it should be explained to the child that it is not a fault of the child and that this is a decision they have taken.

Especially with young children, what will happen to me now? Who will I live with? Will I never see my mother or father again? question marks occur, and these uncertainties make the child anxious. These questions should be answered one by one, clearly, and the child’s anxiety should be reduced.

How will divorce affect my child?

Each child’s personality and developmental characteristics are different. The child’s age, gender, changes in his life after the divorce, and his relationship with the parents are the factors. Some children get over this process quickly, while others go through it more difficult. It is possible for children to feel unhappy, helpless and pessimistic after divorce. In this process, the following behaviors and emotional states can be observed in children;

* pessimistic, depressed mood

* Frequent urge to cry

*state of anger

*Don’t blame a parent

* Excessive attachment to mother or father

* Not wanting to see friends or doing things that he used to enjoy

* Unwillingness to go to school, decrease in grade achievement

* Wetting at night, nail biting, night terrors in younger children

* Irregularity in sleep and appetite

The child should be well observed. The frequency and severity of behaviors are important. If necessary, support from a specialist should be sought. Sometimes parents think about getting back together because of the negative repercussions of divorce on their children. Getting back together until divorce is an important decision that should be well thought through.

What should parents pay attention to after divorce?

Even if the parents end their marital ties, their children and their parental role are the only things that do not change. It is advisable to minimize changes in the child’s life after divorce. For example, if possible, the house where the child lives and the school he attends should not be changed. family, such as celebrating the child’s birthdays together, if possible

It is recommended to continue the rituals.

After the divorce process, unfortunately, some parents still maintain conflict and friction between each other. If one side wants to continue the relationship and make peace, they can use the child in this situation, or they can make statements that will confuse the child, such as “we still love each other, we will make peace soon”. Unfortunately, these lead to confusion in children, increase their anxiety and cause them to be stuck between parents.

In our society, there are thoughts that the child of every divorced family will be unhappy, unsuccessful or problematic. Or every problem is connected to divorce. Divorce, of course, affects both parents and children negatively, but it would not be correct to say that divorce alone causes mental problems in the child. It should not be forgotten that it is much more important for the child to grow up in a peaceful environment rather than an unhealthy marriage. The important thing is to carry out this process as a parent in a healthy and correct way.

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