“I’m alone”

“I’m so lonely. It’s like there’s a void inside of me. Something is missing but it is so hard for me to describe. There are people around me, but how can I say… It’s like being blind and deaf in Istanbul traffic.”

He is one of those who are alone in the crowd. He can’t see what he expects from people, but he doesn’t know exactly what he wants. It’s as if a neglected child is hiding under the adult image. Maybe he’s not alone, but how can a person realize something he doesn’t know?

He is one of those who are alone in the crowd. He can’t see what he expects from people, but he doesn’t know exactly what he wants. It’s as if a neglected child is hiding under the adult image. Maybe he’s not alone, but how can a person realize something he doesn’t know?

She is pretty sure that no one truly loves her or that she will never get the love she needs. But he also wants to be wrong. Who wouldn’t want to fill such a void anyway? He is also looking for a hopeful person to make him feel special, to lean on his back, to hold his hand when he falls. He describes his expectation as if it were something very simple. “Someone should take the first step for me, understand before I say it, hug and be with me.” It’s a bit like parenthood. Is he now waiting for the love and understanding that he was deprived of and should have received from his parents at the time?

He is also a very good listener. In fact, she is the elder sister of everyone. Even her parents. What he expects from others, he shows them more so that he can make up for the lack within. But he has a problem: he is disappointed because he doesn’t get the same treatment from people. After a while, he starts to feel worthless and inadequate. “There must be a problem with me too, there must be a reason for this lovelessness. Am I so ugly? Or am I failing?” Questions like these and the judgmental inner voice make all hopes for life and himself fade away. As if it wasn’t enough “No one will be by my side and love me all my life!”Another whisper is added to this inner voice.

His world is now filled with pessimism. While he wanted people to understand and love him, he now has difficulty trusting people. It became almost impossible to believe that someone would love her sincerely or make her happy. He doesn’t want to be sad anymore. That’s why he decides to live in his own “alone” world. It’s time to give up hope on these people who made him sad, disappointed and weren’t there for him when he needed them. He was alone before. At least now her solitude will be her own choice. He tried everything, did his best, and had no other choice.

“Same person, same life, another window”

Before he can look at it from another window, he must realize that his expectations are too high. It is not possible for someone else to be our parent or our “everything”. Just because someone isn’t available at all times doesn’t mean they don’t love or care about us. Instead, it means they have other roles, likes, and limits in life. If our loved ones don’t have the ability to read minds, they’re unlikely to understand what we need. When we don’t get the same treatment if we don’t say what we want, we may feel that people have interests in us, that we are unloved, that we are worthless, and that we may retreat into the background. Therefore, being able to articulate our vulnerability and needs clearly is as valuable as not being isolated when we are hurt. The real resentment and anger is directed at the depriving parent, what we cannot face is reflected in our relationships today. In short, it is very difficult to find a cure for our current resentments without helping the neglected child inside us.

And what to say to his pessimism? Maybe you don’t get stabbed in the back thinking about the worst that could happen, you think you’re protecting yourself, but you lose what intimacy brings and you experience exactly what you fear: loneliness. Are you aware of the cost to your life of this pessimism? Does it really protect you or does it harm you? We can never fully control what happens to us in life, not just when it comes to relationships. We can be abandoned, cheated on, lose the one we love. Or we may not experience any of them. Rehearsing with bad dreams, scenarios doesn’t make us feel any less pain. When our fears happen to us, we still experience the same pain, no matter how many times we rehearse. Because this is the first time we are truly experiencing pain. The only thing that can help us when we are faced with pain is the good times in the past.

Do you have proof that no one truly loves or will love you? I can hear your answer. You’re lonely because you’re weird and different, right? You have always felt that something is strange, or they made you feel it too much. Now all social situations are starting to be scary for you. So, aren’t there those who are different and not excluded? I don’t deny that we have similarities with the people we have a good time with. But we don’t love someone because they are “the same” as us. At least that’s not what unconditional love is.

Now I ask, is your loneliness a real exclusion or a result of being unnatural? Because sometimes we focus more on our differences rather than our similarities.

As long as you can be free and natural and accept relationships with their bitterness and sweetness, I am sure that you will taste unconditional love. Because unconditional love is being able to love someone despite their faults, flaws and differences.

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.