Margaret Nichols, 40 years old, lives in New York. Motherhood is her biggest dream and she starts preparing from the first day to hold her baby in her arms with a natural birth. A pool system is being set up for home birth. When the birthday comes, the process begins at home with his midwife and wife. After the pain that lasted for about 30 hours, she could not stand the pain anymore, went to the hospital, received epidural analgesia and gave birth to her baby with natural birth. She feels unsuccessful because she could not give birth at home as she had planned, even though she was able to hold her baby in her arms in good health. On top of that, when the mother’s milk is insufficient and she starts giving formula to her baby, she falls into depression with deep inadequacy and regret.
Based on the story of Margaret Nichols, who was on the cover of a magazine, this article tells about the emotional terror that mothers experience during pregnancy and childbirth.
How is the perception of perfection formed in expectant mothers?
This perception is created both by the mother-to-be and her environment. When I look at the women of today, I see that they have a very ambitious, goal-oriented and combative nature. This structure inevitably turns motherhood and baby care into a goal and casts a shadow over the times that should be spent with pleasure.
How do the legendary birth stories of the old reflect on new mothers?
Our elders are very precious to us. First of all, they are very experienced and there is no doubt that these experiences light the way for new mothers, but sometimes serious conflicts can occur. One of the most obvious examples of these conflicts is the mode of birth. They say that they do not take folic acid constantly because they give birth under different and mostly unfavorable conditions, and they give birth in the field or at home. However, there is the following truth; In today’s births, maternal-infant mortality and disabled baby birth rates have decreased significantly.
Why is birth type so important?
All the attention of pregnant women is turned to the way of delivery. In fact, this can sometimes cast a shadow over the pregnancy and prevent the mother from enjoying the unique moments of pregnancy to the fullest. If everything is fine, there is no situation that will endanger the health of the mother and baby, and if the expectant mother is also enthusiastic about this, natural birth should be considered. However, if the conditions are the opposite, cesarean section is not a bad option.
The perception that “a woman’s body is completely planned for natural birth” is common. Why?
Our friends, elders and all natural births around us create this perception. While a woman’s body is said to be planned for natural birth, those who cannot do it are considered to have failed to prove their strength. This is absolutely not true. Unfortunately, the conditions of every mother and baby may not be the same and equal. Therefore, natural birth should not be a goal. The main goal should be to have a healthy birth for the mother and the baby.
How should I prepare for birth?
Books will of course help, but the special relationship between parents and child differentiates the situation at home with books. In an environment where there is so much information pollution and misinformation, if the right resources can be reached, a very good foundation can be created. What is read should be kneaded correctly with the experience gained, and common sense and logic should not be avoided. If you accept that motherhood is a bit of trial and error and love your mistakes, you can be a good parent.
What are your tips for new mothers?
I always say the same thing to new mothers; “The hardest day is the first day. Everything will be much easier in the next days.” The first days are difficult due to the inexperience in the first birth, the stress of birth, and the fear of mothers making mistakes. Over time, the mother gets used to the baby, as everything goes well, panic and error rates decrease. In the second and third children, these situations are almost never experienced. It is acceptable for mothers to panic and feel inadequate at first. However, if this situation is prolonged, there may be some underlying psychological conditions. Severe postpartum depression may develop. In such cases, psychological support should be sought.
You are also a mother and you have two children. Can you share your experiences with us?
I can say that I was very confused after giving birth. I am an obstetrician and my wife is a pediatrician, but although we thought we were prepared, in some cases it was not. We said we would never give bottles or pacifiers, but 3 days later everything changed. We couldn’t stand the crying fits any longer and gave her a pacifier. I said that I would definitely not get used to the bottle. Since I started working when my baby was very young, I gave the milk I expressed with a bottle. We went through all these tests until we were raising our children, and I realized that theory and practice don’t always match.
BOX: As an obstetrician, I always say the same thing to both mothers who have just given birth and who are about to give birth; “There is no perfect mother. Perfect is the enemy of the good.”