If the child lies

Why do children lie? Or I think it would be more correct to correct the question as ‘When does he lie’. Lying is actually a kind of defense mechanism. The person starts to defend himself against external factors that threaten his inner world.

In children, defense mechanisms work differently. Children are not as equipped in their inner world as adults, so they resort to defensive behaviors more often. Children lie to protect their self-esteem when they are afraid, jealous of their siblings, feel unsuccessful at school or traumatized after any stress. They lie when they want to get their parents’ attention.

What drives children to lie?

Children lie when they’re scared. Most of us have a vase that they broke in childhood, right? The child is afraid when he says ‘I didn’t break the vase’. It would be more accurate to describe the lying behavior of children until the age of 7-8 as ‘changing the event, interpreting it differently. If a child says that he is sick when he is 15 years old as an excuse for not doing his homework, it is a lie. Saba This situation is very different from a 5-year-old child who wets himself when he wakes up. His question should be the worst question to be asked to a child… Because they don’t know the answer. While raising our children, we should stop seeing fear as a tool of education and discipline.

Sometimes the child just wants attention; If he thinks that he is not taken care of enough, if he feels that his little brother has become the focus of the family, he will lie at once. He tells it even though he knows that he will get angry when he lies. Sometimes even this anger can be interpreted as interest. After all, the family reacted to him even if he was angry. Jealousy is a natural emotion. While adults experience and reflect their jealousy in different dimensions, young children cannot cope with these instincts and lie. A child who is very jealous of his brother constantly makes sentences about his brother to others. He answers the questions asked to him through his brother. ‘My brother loves cartoons, his very nice toys there are, they always play football with my father etc.’ .The content of the lie also gives good information to those who can hear..

A child whose parents are constantly fighting can tell his teacher that his parents have never fought.

As long as we can read the subtitles, children feel safe, and when they feel safe, they don’t need to lie.

I always tell my clients about the benefits of speaking with the I language. The I language instead of the You language. The You language is accusatory; you lied, why did you do that? You always want what you want! Comments in the form will drive your child away from you. We always call the feeling first; understand the emotion..’You must have been very upset. Something went wrong at school today? Do you want to tell me? What can I do for you?’ Your child should feel that you are there for him. Then he won’t lie.

Children can lie to see that they are approved. They can arrange their room exactly as their mother wants – unlike their sister – or they can tell their teacher that they go to bed early every night. The teacher tells them without asking. Approval-seeking makes your children servants in the future, they learn to live according to the other.

There may be other reasons behind the child’s lying behavior besides the ones listed above. Children can also lie after trauma. This is often like denying the stressful event in the face of intense stress in us adults. In such cases, it is necessary to seek help.

I’ve heard dozens of children say, ‘I don’t want to grow up’. Famous psychoanalyst Stephen A. Mitchell says, ‘Children fall out of diameter in the process of growing up, but for a good reason, so they adapt to real life’. Children resort to lies at every point where they fall off the scale. This is also the price of growing up. On the way we started as an 84-key piano, we reach adulthood with 10-15 keys left.

Let’s hear them, let them fall from less diameter…

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