I am alone

I AM ALONE

I’m alone, I’m so lonely This is my forehead. Whether far or near, Memories leave me alone.

Whether you come back or not Even if you don’t love me I have a glass in my hand I drink the longing.

Believe me dear, I am not offended. All I want in life alone Will reach out to me wholeheartedly I’m crazy for your friendly hand.

Yasar GUVENIR

When the dark clouds of loneliness descend upon us; We feel lonely, alone. With the pain and sadness of this feeling of loneliness that causes deep wounds in us, no one loves, understands, or cares for us enough; We think that if we fall, we don’t have someone close to us to help us get up. Have you ever thought that way too? What do you think could be the source of the feeling that hurts you so much? Lover, friend, family…

Let’s try to find the reasons for this feeling, which has sprouted in different periods of our lives, through schema therapy in the poem ‘I AM ALONE’.

To the poet’s poetry; ‘I’m lonely I’m so lonely’With his words, he began by inhaling the pain of his loneliness. (emotional deprivation schema, schema submission ). Well, can it be our own choice to be so alone in life? What we feel inside when we don’t get enough support from the people we care about; Under the influence of sadness and pain, we choose to distance ourselves from everyone around us and become alienated from them. In fact, sometimes this alienation is so severe that even our own voices begin to sound foreign to us, since we can’t talk to anyone. Well, why does one keep silent when there is someone to talk to in life? Why doesn’t he want to talk, tell about himself, talk about it? Why is he the one who fuels this fire of loneliness a little bit? Because even the people he cares about most in his life don’t care about his feelings, why would he want to explain himself to someone else when you can’t understand him enough. His heart was offended by people once. He also chose to remain silent and alienated from his surroundings. (emotional withdrawal schema, schema avoidance) .A person who is a prisoner of emotional loneliness is so convinced that no one will take care of him, that he cannot even feel emotionally next to people who take care of him. (emotional deprivation schema, schema submission) and begins to question the meaning of life with an ongoing sense of emptiness. ‘Why am I so lonely?’ saying. When the poet comes to the second line, he explains the reason for his loneliness. ‘this is my forehead’saying, he connects it to his fate and accepts it helplessly. (emotional deprivation and pessimism schema, schema submission). This feeling is so familiar to the poet that almost his whole life is a prisoner of the same feeling. This much; ‘Whether far or near, memories leave me alone’ he expresses it with his cries. In this line, close memories point to the lover, while distant memories are like a reference to his childhood. The poet, who had not received enough emotional support from his parents in his childhood, fought with the feeling of loneliness; He stated that he wanted to get rid of all the memories that reminded him of this feeling. (recurring schema effect/pattern at different stages of life).

Parents who confine their children to such a sense of loneliness are unfortunately not even aware of the heavy damage they have left on them. How would they know? They can’t even connect enough with their own emotions. Emotions are very scary for them. Maybe they are avoiding emotional bonds with their children with all their might because it reminds them of their own deprivation. Children who cannot establish an emotional bond with their parents; ‘Nobody can understand me in life, nobody can love me enough, even if they do, they can’t make me feel it’i learn (emotional deprivation schema origin, generational continuation of schemas). In their adult life, these children seek a haven to ease their emotional loneliness, but they are often strongly attracted to; They are people who don’t care enough about themselves like their parents and don’t love them. (emotional deprivation schema, schema chemistry). With their partners, they try to satisfy their emotional hunger with crumbs of love, just as they do with their parents. Since their emotional hunger is not fully satisfied, a feeling of emotional loneliness always accompanies them. (Emotional deprivation schema, schema delivery and lifelong pattern).

Unable to withstand the emotional burden of memories, the poet comes to the second stanza; ‘ Whether you come back or not, whatever you don’t love me, I have a glass in my hand, I’m drinking longing. ‘ he says. In this verse, where he tries to cope with the pain of loneliness left by the lover who left, it is no longer important for the poet that his lover comes back and still loves him. His heart was once offended by his lover. Because he experienced the same feeling as other important people in his life. The only way to cope with this pain of loneliness, which recurs in his life, is for the poet to intoxicate his feelings and reduce the unbearable pain of his feelings. Getting drunk is his way of holding on to life again. (Here, the poet wanted to alleviate the pain and sadness caused by the emotional deprivation schema by drinking alcohol. This is called schema avoidance in schema therapy.)

In the last stanza, we see the beginning of a spiritual awakening in the poet. The poet expressed it in these lines: ; ‘Believe me, my dear, I am not resentful, my only wish in life is, I am crazy for your friendly hand that will reach me wholeheartedly. ‘ My darling, even though you have upset me a lot, I am not angry or resentful with you. I no longer want a lover who I am madly in love with and who will upset me like you. I want a friend who will understand me, love me and value me. (The healthy adult side of the poet has come into play here. These words are a rebellion against schema chemistry. At the same time, it contains hope for the future).

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