How to Control Anger

Anger; It is a negative emotion that can suddenly appear in the face of any event we experience and lead us to destructive, hurtful or violent attitudes and behaviors. Have you ever thought about the speed of your responses to situations where you get angry? Have you ever thought that your anger is a destructive emotion that harms both yourself and our relationships?

In the face of unexpected events and in times of danger, the answer comes from the three response centers in our brain.

The first of these When we are faced with a real danger, it is our response to escape, freeze or fight from the reptilian brain, the most primitive part of our brain. For example, when there is a fire hazard, we either make an effort to put out the fire, or run away, or freeze without knowing what to do.

Second response center of the brain; emotional memory. (limbic brain) This memory is a memory area that encodes the negative events, situations, emotions that relationships make you feel and the traces you have left over the years. This area is unconscious and we cannot notice the feelings and thoughts we hide in this area in our daily life.

The third response of the brain is; It is the part that is done from the level of consciousness, that is, to respond by thinking. This part of the brain is called the advanced brain or neocortex region.

Even if there is no real source of danger during the day, when you encounter an unexpected and negative situation for you, your brain’s first and fastest response comes from the area we call emotional memory. This response is almost like an automatic response and is impulsive.

Think of it this way, let your brain be a light source and the conscious part of your brain working like a generator. In the face of a negative event you experience during the day, your electricity is suddenly cut off and it takes about 7 seconds for the generator to activate. Here, you spend 7 seconds in the dark before the part of the brain that responds with consciousness kicks in. In this 7-second moment of darkness, the emotion memory automatically kicks in. The responses from your emotional memory take their source from the negative feelings and thoughts that have accumulated in your memory until that day, and are the expression of emotions and unresolved thoughts that could not be expressed in time. If you feel anger in response, the emotion and thought records in your emotional memory are trying to manifest itself to you as anger. Therefore, anger is a secondary emotion, and primary and real emotions are hidden in the records of your emotional memory. In other words, under every anger, there is an unresolved event and the emotional traces that this event leaves on you. 

In order to control your anger in the face of an event, you need to wait 7 seconds for the thinking conscious part of your brain to activate before giving your answer. You can breathe deeply during this time. After 7 seconds, after your conscious brain, that is, your generator, is activated, your mind will be enlightened again and your response will be rational, not reactive.

With this; In order to get rid of the feeling of anger and its destructive consequences for life, you can also apply for psychotherapy support, which is a journey of discovery of your inner emotional memory.

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