How Do I Manage Anger?

I defined anger in my previous article and tried to convey my knowledge about it to you as best I could. I hope it was a useful writing. I hope you learned what the feeling of anger means and made sure that those around you read it too. Because being conscious of those around us will make our lives a little easier.

Finding the source of anger is actually not that difficult. If we examine the mistakes of the living and the living, I am sure that the source we are looking for will come across. I will try to write down the mistakes of the living and the living in another article. You cannot get rid of me. I will try to keep you well informed.

Setting a goal in anger management will ease our work a little and provide clarity in our minds. If uncertainty is what people dislike most, clarity is what they love most. Uncertainty is sometimes the main source of anger. Therefore, aiming and setting a goal will really bring us relief. Our goal is not to turn anger into aggression, not to cause violence, and if we can even turn it into a meaningful and positive energy, it would be great. As a person living in Gaziantep, if I make an analogy, it would be ice cream on baklava. Of course, this is not an easy thing at all. What an individual should do first is to be able to criticize himself, that is, to perform self-criticism. After experiencing anger, stay alone like this; Asking him a question like I wonder if I might be wrong. I wonder where I made a mistake, what should I do next, what can I fix, what can I do, and most importantly, is it possible to control my anger? Such questions show that the person actually trusts himself and is the party trying to fix the situation.

Methods Used to Control Anger

Cognitive method, which is one of the methods I frequently resort to in controlling anger; It is indeed a useful, very efficient method that allows one to quickly control one’s anger. With the cognitive method, we will see that the main source of our anger is actually the thoughts (scenarios) that occur in our minds. With the cognitive method, we will be aware of our anger and maybe we will be able to turn anger into a positive energy as I expressed it at the beginning. And again, we will be able to prevent serious aggressive behaviors by controlling our anger with the cognitive method.

The cognitive method actually aims at a change of thinking style. If we manage to change our way of thinking, we will have a chance to control our anger in almost half, maybe more. However, this is not an easy thing at all, it is absolutely necessary to get support from a psychologist in this process. As I said with the cognitive method, our main goal is to change the way of thinking. It is possible to get angry with something that comes to your mind without doing anything in your seat. For example, you called a member of your family and he spoke to you in a somewhat sleepy way. And you say, “Look, he doesn’t care about me, he doesn’t care about me. That’s why he talks to me sleepily.” You gave yourself a feedback. When we spoke to the person on the other end of the phone, “I just woke up from sleep, so my voice was sleepy.” We get an answer. From here we can conclude: It is possible to say that this person’s way of thinking generally does not value himself, does not love himself, does not care about himself, and causes him pain. However, couldn’t the same person say that? “He must have just woken up.”

During anger, people, unfortunately, show their reactions with the atmosphere of the moment with a serious intense emotionality. However, at a time like this, it is necessary to take a break. It would be a very wise method to take a break and evaluate what happened. When people are angry, their thoughts are not so true. The individual’s thoughts may contain some exaggeration. The person may even be distorted. Ultimately, such a perception is formed in the mind of the person. It is quite possible to notice these perceptions and replace them with more logical and rational thoughts. It just takes a little effort and a little exercise. Other than that there isn’t much else. With just a little effort and exercise, you can experience your anger in a more controlled way.

The words we use in our daily life can also determine our anger state. For example, words like never, never, absolutely never, constantly, constantly, always, always, never, always. Try to capture these in your conversations. For example, “you never loved me”, “you never helped me”, “always on the phone”, “always other people”, “you don’t care about me at all”. We can reproduce them. In fact, these sentences are also sentences that need to be studied and talked about. With these sentences you have formed, an infrastructure is formed in the person that it is justified to be angry. At the same time, unfortunately, it does not contribute to the solution of the problem, since the person has made his judgment about the situation long ago, forming his decision in a way. As a result, such sentences form the source of anger.

My dear readers, logic and reason are our two most important assistants in overcoming anger. If we take shelter in these two, be sure that we will overcome anger. Let’s say you gave your spouse a responsibility and unfortunately your spouse didn’t do it again. Don’t just pull out your swords and attack. Think before you attack by saying that you have not fulfilled any responsibility anyway. How will your sentence contribute to solving the problem? Perhaps, on the contrary, it will do harm. Instead, sit down and talk with your partner and look for a solution on how to take on this responsibility. But if you say the first sentence; your partner will also say something to defend himself and maybe the problem will get worse. Because your spouse will also get angry and angry. Only that sentence is useful. Therefore, you will make the job even more difficult.

My dear readers, do some exercises about anger during the day. For example, remind yourself that getting angry will not solve any problems. Take some notes to remind you that you will not feel better, but rather badly, and be sure to read them throughout the day. If necessary, set up some anger scenarios in your mind and create some plans for how to proceed. Such exercises, of course, will not immediately cure your problem. Please give yourself time for it. Because this is really not an easy thing. Because you’ve looked at the world that way for years. Maybe you solved your problems by getting angry, or at least you thought you did. Over time, you will see how well these exercises work.

Before you react, remind yourself that you will evaluate the situation positively. Again, take a breath before reacting and even wash your hands and face a little if you can. It will be great if you do the breathing for 2-3 minutes like this. By breathing, you will both gain some time and evaluate the process. In this way, you will not upset or offend the person or people in front of you, and you will protect yourself and your interlocutors from the destructive and harmful effects of anger.

Do not make hasty decisions when you experience your anger. Again, it will be useful if you can do exercises related to this. If you are having trouble controlling your anger, stay away from the environment. After walking away, think about “what caused me to feel anger, what happened, why did I get angry like this, what critical point did the incident touch on me, and I had such an outburst of anger.” Therefore, such post-event evaluations will help us to better understand ourselves, to discover our critical points that are important to us; It makes us realize what is important to us. During the event, we may not be able to fully control our feelings and thoughts during the hot heat, and maybe even our scenarios or prejudices that we have created in our inner world may come into play. This situation can actually prevent us from having a healthy thought.

As a result, every person experiences the feeling of anger. The important thing is that it happens in a controlled way. It is absolutely necessary to get support from a psychologist for anger control. Therapeutic methods such as cognitive therapy, behavioral therapy, schema therapy that your psychologist will do will help you in this regard. Every individual is special. The type of therapy that each individual will benefit from also varies from person to person.

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