The first way to be a good parent is to be able to communicate effectively with children. When we say effective communication, the first thing that comes to our mind is language, that is, the primary tool of effective communication is sweet language and smiling face. When we say something, how we say it is as important as what we say at that time. Pay attention to your body language. While communicating, we can make our body language suitable for the child, for example, not looking down on the child, talking down to his height, making eye contact, being a good listener.
Creating an effective language of communication starts from infancy, as most of us know. The communication of the mother or the primary caregiver with the baby is very important in order to create this effective language. Basically, this well-established bond is very important for the healthy (safe bond) you will establish with your child. The ability of the primary caregiver to understand the baby’s needs correctly and respond to them in a timely manner creates this healthy bond.
When the baby cries, is he hungry, gassy, dirty, or does he need love, which is one of the basic needs? It is necessary to determine this correctly and answer it. Every parent undoubtedly wants to do the best for their child, but some wrong behaviors can cause children to develop wrong attitudes and even damage their self-confidence.
Some wrong attitudes and behaviors
Trying to get everything the child wants
Although this may seem positive for parents, it is actually an incorrect attitude. The child, who instantly achieves everything he wants, becomes dissatisfied, and in time, nothing he has or will have begins to satisfy him. It focuses more on things that have material returns. It turns them into insatiable individuals who cannot be happy with small things.
Solve your child’s problem on his behalf when faced with any problem
When faced with any problem, the child, whose every problem is solved by his parents, does not know what to do because he has no previous experience in the face of the difficulties he encounters in the future, and he stays in the middle of the events and feels the feeling of helplessness.
Support your child in their difficulties, but do not solve the problem instead.
suffocating the child with too many toys
Play is very important for children and it is a necessity for them. The game contributes to the child’s discovery of his talents and development of motor skills, but most parents can not say ‘no’ to their children, so they can buy them many toys. What should be considered here is not how many toys the child has.
Children with few toys learn to be more creative. Children who have too many toys have limited imagination and creativity.
Children with too many toys have a limited attention span and this will get worse over time.
The idea that they can have anything they want is entrenched in children who get everything they want. This will directly affect the child’s future life negatively.
Providing everything the child needs
Give your child responsibility. In order to develop a sense of responsibility, it is necessary for parents to allow the child to perform tasks appropriate to the child’s age, personal characteristics and developmental period.
We can see very well that the saying “Education starts in the family” overlaps here. Namely; Children who do not have the ability to take responsibility in the home environment always need help from others in the face of events they encounter at school or in the external environment. As children realize that they meet their needs on their own, their self-confidence will increase in a positive way. For example: If a child who goes to primary school tries to dress the child for school in the morning, tie his shoes, or try to feed the food to the child with the thought of ‘it will spill over, ruin the mess’ and so on, without allowing your child, whose motor skills are now developed or developing, to eat. Although it seems to protect the child as much as possible, it unfortunately affects the child negatively in the long run and may damage the child’s self-confidence and personality development.
Suggestions for Parents
Raising a child is hard work and requires patience. Supporting your child’s novice trials with patience and love is very important for the child’s personality development.
When giving responsibilities to children, give them age-appropriate responsibilities. Giving responsibilities that are not suitable for the level of development and that the child cannot do creates the belief of failure in the child. Remember that children are individuals like us adults and allow them to have a say in their own lives. Allow yourself to choose between several alternatives in any situation.
Determine the rules to be taken at home together. Be sure to inform your child about why the rules are necessary and what the consequences may be if the rules are not followed. If possible, post the rules you created together where he can see them. Be a role model for rules as a parent at home. Do not do the behaviors that you do not want your child to do and avoid exhibiting behaviors that are against the rules you have taken together. Remember that a child’s best role model is their closest parent.
Keep your conversations short and to the point
When talking to children, avoid long conversations and do not use judgmental, accusatory, commanding language in the oratory style. Allow him to express his feelings and thoughts while communicating.
Express your child often that you will love him/her in all circumstances.’ Avoid conditional phrases such as ‘I love you if you do this’. Don’t put your love on any condition. True love is being able to love him as he is, despite everything.
Even if you don’t realize it, children definitely feel whether this love is conditional or not. Love your child the way he is, not the way you want him to be.
Do not insist on things that your child does not want to do. Children should have the right to choose just like us adults. You should not be forced to eat food you don’t want. Or when you go out, don’t force him to talk to his elders or peers who try to like him or want to talk to him.
‘Come on say goodbye to sister’
‘Brother asks your name, tell me your name’
Often parents give such guiding warnings to their children, but this is not the right approach. It is very natural that your child may not want to talk to that person at that moment, or that he or she does not like the other person and does not want to talk. Do not violate your child’s boundaries and respect his or her decisions, as you do not want to hear people talk about your upbringing style to avoid social pressure.
Do not hesitate to answer your children’s questions.
You are the best teachers to know the world and experience and learn the environment. They are also an explorer, and do not give evasive, sarcastic, nonsensical answers to the questions they ask.
Around the age of 3, children develop their speaking skills further and can sometimes ask incessant questions. Although these questions are tiring for parents most of the time, the answers you give or will give to your children’s questions are very valuable for their development. Sometimes you may find the questions they ask you funny and absurd. But without ignoring these questions, answer the current question and make your child feel that you care about him. In the face of unfamiliar questions, say, ‘I don’t know the answer to this question either, but if you want, we can research and learn about this subject with you’.
In summary, see your child as an individual and act accordingly. Understand his feelings, make him feel that you are listening and that you care about him in every way.