If the child receives a reinforcement in return for a behavior he/she does, if he/she is rewarded by his/her parents; The probability of the child repeating that behavior is one hundred percent. I bet one hundred percent. You can try it at home if you want. Therefore, when a desired behavior is performed by the child, reward the child’s behavior immediately. In this way, the child will repeat the behavior you want, so that behavior you want will increase in the child. What you want is to share toys with a sibling or an adult; it may be to collect and organize the toys that he has distributed; it may be sitting quietly or, on the contrary, talking too much; It doesn’t matter if it is painting, singing, doing homework, as long as the child receives reinforcement from his parents or another elder and is rewarded. Now you might be asking, “Well, well, what are these awards? What kind of rewards will we give to the child?” Let me answer right away.
1- You can receive a gift. But not such expensive gifts. For example, it can be a pencil, a sharpener, an eraser, a coloring box, if there is a chocolate he likes, it can be… You can reward your child by buying these and similar gifts. The child will have the following idea after the gift he received. Hmmm, it means that if I repeat this behavior, he will receive a gift for me, he will say oh how nice.
2- I always say: “contact” is very, very important in our relationships. I think that we should attach great importance to contact both in our relations with adults (husband and wife) and in our relations with our children. Because love comes through contact, it goes through touching, right? By contact I mean; hugging, kissing, stroking her hair, stroking her back, holding her hand, touching her arm, taking her hands in hers. By doing these, you are sending some messages to the child. You are valuable to me, you are important, I value you, I love you. Apply this to your own partner as well. I am sure you will see the benefit. There will be serious changes in your spouse.
3- To smile, to show a smile. I think it would be more positive and meaningful to smile and smile at the child rather than frowning. Because smiling will show the child that: As your mother or as your father or as an elder, “I love you. I like your behavior. You made me happy with your behavior that I am smiling now. I like that because I’m smiling at you right now.” Human beings are happy to make someone happy, they enjoy it. This is also the case with children. Because he’s human too. Therefore, because it makes you happy, it becomes happy, enjoys and takes pleasure. And he will want to repeat that behavior. Because he knows that in every repetition, both you and he will be happy.
4- We can reinforce it with our language. How is that, I hear you say. In other words, we can reward the child with our words and sentences. Saying well done, saying you did a good job, praising and appreciating saying that’s my son/daughter. How does it sound, doesn’t it? Perhaps most parents did not use these words for their children. Or maybe many of us grew up without hearing such phrases from our parents and became parents. Maybe that’s why we couldn’t use it for our children. Positive behaviors such as praising the child and appreciating the child will also make the parents feel good. I think that doing unwanted behaviors such as constantly criticizing the child, talking about the negative aspects of the child, threatening the child will also make the parents feel bad. So words have a magic spell. When a man says I love you to a woman, it is impossible not to see the sparkle in her eyes. You will see it in children. Look into your child’s eyes and say I love you. Apply this to your partner as well. Happy parents mean happy children.
5- By allowing him to do a job he enjoys, an activity he enjoys doing, we reinforce the child, that is, reward him. Let’s say our child likes to be read fairy tales and stories, and our child exhibited a behavior we wanted, and we can say that you deserve a fairy tale. For example, he may enjoy walking in the park, if there is a food he likes, it may be a television show that he likes. Sometimes we can apply them to ourselves. Don’t you think we should reward ourselves from time to time? I am calling out to you, especially mothers, reward yourself so that your endurance and patience do not decrease. What happens if you don’t reward? You experience outbursts of anger at the smallest incident. And everyone around you will think you’re going crazy. After that, let the drugs come, drugs go.
Let’s keep this in mind, please. When a child is rewarded by a parent or other elder, the child’s basic emotion will be channeled in the direction: “I succeeded, I am a successful person, I usually do positive things, positive, useful things.” This helps build your child’s self-confidence. Wouldn’t a parent want their child to have self-confidence? Therefore, the child will roll up his sleeves to repeat that behavior you rewarded. And again, I claim that the probability of repeating the behavior is one hundred percent.
If there is a behavior you want, we will not hesitate to give an award immediately. You can apply one of the five items I listed above. Never delay rewarding. Please do not forget to clearly and every time reinforce any behavior that you consider positive. Never forget to reward. Don’t say I won’t reward you once, don’t say I have a job, then I’ll do it. Because all your efforts may go in vain. For your child, take time for yourself and take care to apply one of the five items I have listed above.
People don’t like uncertainty, what they want is clarity. This clarity makes people feel safe. Since the child is also a human being, he also likes clarity and wants clarity. Therefore, what is the behavior we want from the child, we must ensure that the child understands it exactly. As a parent, you need to convey to your child whatever behavior you want or like. So how do we do this? First of all, I would like to express this: “Every time we interact with the child, we will bend over to his height, and if necessary, we will sit across from him.” This is the first rule of communication with the child. Secondly, we will talk by looking into the eyes of the child. When we implement these two rules, we convey to the child what the behavior we want is to a large extent.
When we look at it, it is actually teaching our children their behavior from parents and other adults. Therefore, the role of parents in the behavior of the child in the future is quite large. Parents will decide whether this is positive or negative. This decision is not a conscious decision. But it is possible to change this, as you read. It just takes some time and some care.
The five items I have listed above have a very high importance in raising children. Observe and examine the child in order to be able to apply these five items. What he likes and what he dislikes. You need to have all kinds of information about the child. You cannot reward a child without knowledge.