The family is an organized, organic system and structurally the core of society. There is a hierarchy within the family, an order created by this hierarchy, and roles that depend on the order. These roles we wear as of the first years of our lives are not the limits we have won, but the limits we have acquired. Apart from being good or bad, it is essential for adaptation to the existing order. However, not every system has positioned the child at the level of the child, the mother at the level of the mother, and the father at the level of the father.
Our personal roles are the sum of the 3 selves and these 3 roles determine interpersonal interaction.
-Adult self (The rational, realistic side of personality. The balance between social structure and rules and our personal needs)
-Parental Self (The part of the personality that advises and gives orders to people about how to behave in the role of parent. Can be protective or judgmental.)
-Child self (It is not an underdeveloped or infantile self. It is the way we react emotionally with the instincts of childhood. It is healthy and necessary.)
We comprehend these roles according to the adequacy of the system we are in. As a child learns our self, our dynamics begin to take shape. Basic dynamics such as being able to act naturally, being compatible or fighting hierarchy, rebellious and incompatible structuring, states of dependency, our relationship with authority.
However, not every system is just or equitable in the distribution of these roles. While the adult of the system is expected to be a parent, divorce, loss of health, loss, difficult economic processes, parents who cannot move away from their root family (the family they were born into) !! Situations such as wars, early marriage, flirty intimacy with third parties can accelerate the transition in roles. It can make a child a system adult. In other words, a child may take on roles such as mothering his mother or fathering his father in the early stages, against his will.
Parenting is commonplace in collective cultures like ours in the aorist tense of experience, and is often healthy. However, the effort of a 14-year-old child to keep his family together for fear of losing also affects many of the communication he establishes outside the family in adulthood, and it is a pattern-dependent structure that is generally encountered. A controlling, anxious and always prone to parental reflex, and the experiences of worthlessness that it brings.
Conflict is inevitable when communication or relationship is not using the appropriate self-state.
In this state, families can leave not only resources that can increase wealth, but also debts as an inheritance.
‘Feeling obliged’ is apt to describe the emotion. Like the curse of Sisyphus, a movement may occur every day, such as the effort to get a rock from the ground to the top. The desire to get rid of the burdens can be an up-to-date dating window to establish a healthy relationship, not to leave the parent.