Why do some of us have positive traits and positive thoughts, while some of us have negative thoughts and negative behaviors? Why do some of us always see the glass half full while some of us see the glass half empty? Why do some of us focus on our gains and abilities and be happy, while others focus on our shortcomings and losses and live around this axis?
The foundation of this structure is laid between the ages of 0-3. It matures at the age of 3-6 years. If a person’s negative personality traits are formed by the traumatic experiences he has been exposed to after the age of 6, it changes as easily as whether the dirt on the egg is washed or cleaned (the egg metaphor has been used to make it easier to understand).
With traumatic experiences between the ages of 3-6, pathological structures in the identity can be changed with difficulty, such as by reaching the inner membrane of the egg and intervening, which can be achieved with long-term psychotherapy studies.
Traumatic experiences between the ages of 0-3 are disorders in the yolk of the egg, which are pathologies that are much more difficult to change with external intervention. Personality disorders, which can only be partially changed with psychotherapy studies for many years, occur with traumatic experiences in this age range. These are collected in three main clusters as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizoid Personality Disorder.
This is why; In child care, the type of care and the characteristics of the caregiver are very important especially in the first 3 years and then between the ages of 3-6.
Our personality develops around two main axes: “Libidinal structure” and “Aggressive structure”. The experiences between the ages of 0-6, which we accumulate in the libidinal pole and the aggressive pole of our selves, determine the dominant features of our identity and direct the behaviors in our lives.
Libidinal =Positive =Positive=Good Aggressive=Negative =Negative=Bad
In our social relations, we call this positive, negative personality, or optimistic, pessimistic nature. Metaphysics calls this “duality”, the simultaneous presence of negative and positive traits in one’s mind. Psychology also calls the existence of these two poles the “libidinal” and “aggressive unit” of human identity. While it is called “Lust and Wrath” in Islamic philosophy, it is defined as “Eros, Tanatos” in Greek philosophy, and “Yin, Yan” in Far Eastern philosophy.
It is obligatory to create a healthy structure, to transform these two poles, which stand separately in identity, and which are separated from each other by a “partition” used as a defense mechanism, into a single whole. This is the purpose of psychotherapy.
Between the ages of 0-3, “splitting” is used by every human baby as the main defense mechanism. The presence of splitting up to 3 years of age is normal to live under the influence of splitting. In the child growing up in a healthy family environment, after the age of 3, the division disappears and the positive and negative pole becomes integrated. This is necessary for the formation of a healthy identity.
The person who has not completed his integration and still uses the division as an active defense mechanism continues his life by acting under the influence of one positive and one negative emotions due to these two poles in his identity. Splitting is still used as an active defense mechanism in narcissistic, borderline and schizoid personality disorders.
However, we need to be aware of and accept all our positive and negative features, and to live a more calm and healthy life with less ups and downs.
Psychological science calls this the disappearance of the “split”. Metaphysics calls this the end of “duality”.
For a healthy soul, for a healthy body, for healthy relationships (lover, spouse, sibling, friend, child…etc) the division needs to disappear. We need to live by being aware of our positive and negative personality traits, knowing and accepting that both are included in our identity, and beyond that, feeling ourselves as a whole.
We need to see and accept ourselves as a whole with our good and bad sides so that we can see and love the person in front of us as a whole. Then we can only say that “…. has bad but very good features”, but when the division does not disappear, then we say “…. He did this to me he is a bad person, I hate to see his face again, it’s over for me. Our ancestors’ saying “burning a quilt for fleas” explains exactly this.
The person under the influence of the division has no gray. Life is either black or white, love it or hate it. An hour ago, he said “I love you so much in my life” and an hour later, when he gets angry, he says, “Goddamn scumbag, where did you come from”. Even songs were written with the effect of the division, describing two opposite ends such as “I like it or not, if I erase it, I erase it with a pen”, “either you are mine or the black soil”.
In order for the division to disappear, we must first know why the division exists. Why is there a partition? What does partition mean? What does the existence of the partition protect us against? and how does Partition disappear?
It should be known that the mental structures that could not be integrated at the age of 3 can be changed only by internalizing the knowledge and what has been learned.
We organize regular workshops under the roof of our institution in order to share the information that most of us need with larger groups and raise awareness.
We provide an in-depth examination of the spiritual structure with individual therapies that start with OFFENSIVE THERAPY and include regular and long-term studies. In this way, awareness is raised, and change begins for a more peaceful and healthy life.
I wish all of us to be able to seek more knowledge with love and hope. Sincerely…