W. Faulkner says, “The past never ends, it never even passes.” Although most of us want to leave our past behind and move forward, we continue in the present period of our lives by assigning the roles of our parents or other people with unresolved problems between us to the new people in our lives right now. Thank you. Freud called this ‘transference’. When we transfer, what we felt and believed in the past reappear in the relationships we form now. And one does this unconsciously. Unconsciously, we see important memories and figures of our past in our spouse, lover, friends, competitors and even strangers. The things we convey are our feelings, beliefs, needs, expectations, prejudices, dreams. Transfer of making the invisible visible; It’s a subtle way of telling the unspoken sad story inside us, or, as E. Becker puts it, “the clumsy lies about life being misdirected.” So, does the past really pass? So, isn’t it possible to organize this unconscious action, to get rid of the negativities of the past and the burdens of memories and to be relieved?
Of course, it is possible to see each other and, of course, first of all ourselves, in a clear, clear way, that is, by being freed from the burdens of the past. Such clarity is only the triumph of pure attention and AWARENESS directed towards the “here and now”. The past is effective in unconscious transmission. Being aware that we are transferring gives power to the present moment, the present.
Awareness is paying attention to the moment. In order to do this, the person must first focus on himself, be ready and courageous to explore his inner world full of childhood traumas and secrets. This is a difficult process. Because paradoxically, what we want most is also what we fear most. That is, the closer we get to the hidden secrets within us, we begin to see a greater part of it, and the more we see, the less we comprehend, and the less we comprehend, the less we see. Because a person cannot see what he cannot comprehend, and as his vision narrows, he gradually moves away from the secrets and truths within him; begins to deceive himself, has difficulty accepting his feelings, denies it, and disappears into a false and false life… Many mental and physical ailments are caused by thoughts or feelings that people have difficulty accepting.
Every emotion that a person cannot accept takes over his body and soul like pus that cannot flow out. Every emotion that a person imprisons inside himself also imprisons his inside to these emotions. That is, the person feels enslaved and cannot feel the freedom to accept every emotion. There are many events in life where negative emotions as well as love, joy and positive emotions are experienced and will be experienced. Emotion, which is defined as the impression that a certain object, event or individual creates in the inner world of a person, is known as the sum of a feeling and certain thoughts specific to this feeling, psychological and biological states, and a series of movement tendencies. If we evaluate emotions in two dimensions as positive and negative emotions, emotions such as excitement, happiness, joy and optimism are positive; Emotions such as grief, sadness, fear, anger, anger, hatred, violence, jealousy can be defined as negative. It is not possible for a person not to experience negative emotions at all, but they must accept their existence and learn to come to terms with these emotions. Otherwise, in order to avoid negative feelings, the person may restrict some of his behaviors in order to protect himself, cannot take some necessary steps, and may experience some mental and physical ailments by always trying to stay in his safe area. Because emotions and the body’s records (body memory) and moral rules that have been internalized since eternity are always in conflict. This also prevents them from living a full and satisfying life.
Avoiding emotions makes a person dependent on the person and situation that is the source of those emotions. Addiction hurts and is the biggest obstacle to recovery. It is not possible to destroy thoughts or feelings. Moreover, trying to suppress or reject them will do more harm in the long run. The alternative to avoiding emotions is acceptance, awareness. AWARENESS involves approaching and accepting negative emotions such as hatred, sadness, anxiety, worry, fear, rather than avoiding them. Often confused with surrender and giving up, truly healing acceptance involves abandoning dysfunctional change efforts and actively feeling emotions as emotions, thinking thoughts as thoughts, and recalling and embracing memories as memories. Acceptance, which is an alternative way of dealing with disturbing thoughts, feelings or circumstances; instead of running away from the experience in the present moment, it directs the person to turn towards the experience and open up to their emotions. In this way, the person confronts his feelings, expresses them, learns to be with and accept pleasant, unpleasant and neutral experiences; Instead of rejecting, suppressing or avoiding inner experiences, they try to approach them. Therefore, acceptance means making room for unpleasant feelings, people or events, even if they cause discomfort, and being able to come to terms with them.
AWARENESS, which is a method that is used more and more every day in reducing daily stress, increasing self-awareness, improving emotional intelligence, weakening destructive, emotional, cognitive and behavioral processes; Paying special attention means accepting what is in the present and now, being able to make sense of what is voluntarily, deliberately and without judgment, directing attention to the present deliberately and with open-hearted curiosity, waking up, getting in touch with ourselves, and being able to evaluate the content of every moment of life. Awareness, which is a very special state of consciousness, is a state of mind of focus and clarity and heals in 10 different ways:
(1) trains one’s consciousness to accept and forgive oneself,
(2) helps to discover how to live in the present instead of being stuck in the past or constantly worrying about the future,
(3) It provides the integrity of the soul, heart, body and mind by revealing the ability of the person to react spontaneously to events, instead of constantly dealing with “I wish” and “what if”,
(4) improves consciousness by focusing on thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations,
(5) enables to deal with negative emotions, to experience and meet them safely,
(6) helps to find calmness, tranquility and peace in a complex and noisy world,
(7) makes it easier to focus on the here and now,
(8) enables the person to be more in touch with himself, others and his environment,
(9) serves to make the person less judgmental, and
(10) promises to live in more peace, serenity and tranquility.
Transfers, as we secretly embark our past today; AWARENESS, on the other hand, accompanies us to safely go to the port now, by unloading the unnecessary and illegal heavy loads on our ship into the sea. Transference is like being addicted to attributions about others and ourselves. AWARENESS, on the other hand, because it allows us to see others, what is going on in life, and ourselves as we are right now; is the antidote to it. AWARENESS gives healing.
Let’s not forget that we are not really helpless, the solution is in our own hands, but we have to make an effort for it, friends. The new year will not bring good things by itself. It is too romantic to expect new and good things from the new year by continuing the same behaviors, the same reactions, the same habits as in the old year. If we do the same things, we will encounter the same things. Everyone should add something to their life according to their own situation, power and possibilities. Anything. But of course, things that will be good for ourselves and our environment. We must set goals. These goals should be short-term goals that we can achieve. Instead of reading a book for 1 hour every day, I will read for 15 minutes every day or take 10 thousand steps every day. As I will take 5 thousand steps. One of the most important ways of getting to know ourselves, creating and strengthening our AWARENESS is PSYCHOTHERAPY. Because a person can make a fresh start with PSYCHOTHERAPY at any age, no matter what they have experienced. It is one of the most effective ways to prevent the pain of yesterday from getting in our way today. Psychotherapy.. Starting psychotherapy is also a matter of courage and awareness. Those who are strong or those who want to take power in their hands start PSYCHOTHERAPY.. Do not delay, decide and apply.. Anyway..
May the new year come to everyone with HEALING…
during the night
to guide us
another hand to touch
you will reach
is the belief.