“I can’t connect to anyone”, “I connect to everyone right away”, “I don’t feel like I belong anywhere” etc. You may have heard such statements, or so many TV series and movies have been shot on it that you must have watched it. You have some idea why. “Attachment disorder,” many cries out. We even joke about “me too” attachment disorder. It may not sound like a very important concept, but it is such a deep subject that “attachment” deeply affects every aspect of our lives. Our business life, our relationship with our partner, our relationship with our children, our roots in life, our way of life, our body, our weight situation, etc. affects the field profoundly. Let’s look at how the attachment develops or does not develop properly, which is such an important issue.
In fact, the first steps of attachment develop before they even fall into the mother’s womb. Just as our mother’s bond with her own mother is, she will bond with us without healing her own wounds. The next part is when planning the pregnancy process. Of course, if it is planned… Psychological preparation for pregnancy is very important in this sense. Desiring a baby, designing it in mind, talking about it, preparing physically and psychologically, there must have been a slight smile on your face while I was writing it and you were reading it. Our body records write all these one by one, and babies fall right into these body records. Do they know so they are wanted? Are they desired? Are they waiting? The binding process is processed loop by loop.
Then comes the pregnancy process. The baby is briefly a guest in the mother’s womb. This guest hears, feels, and has ideas. He is getting very important information about his parents, about the environment he will be permanently. This information makes an important contribution to the bonding process. It is such an important detail for the baby that the mother speaks and calls out to her baby. You are a guest in a foreign place and if the hosts chat with you, desire you, if the environment is safe and pleasant, you will develop warm bonds with them. If your mother does not talk to you at all during pregnancy, the environment is unsafe, the voices are restless, maybe if there is violence, she is afraid, she does not want to come home, you become restless. A fearful attachment develops on the spot.
Another important situation is “birth”… Birth is a journey. The baby’s journey home, the baby’s journey to his family. Birth is a feast, birth is the most miraculous event on earth. How is this journey going? Is the baby, the mother respected on this journey? It is very important for the baby to feel while taking this journey. What’s the weather like in the environment? How are the sounds? Is there privacy? Every mammal wants to be born and be born in an environment of privacy. Is there love on this journey? Are the stewardesses smiling on the flight home? Does he talk to passengers? Does he offer them good food and drink? It is so important for the baby to ride on this journey. How is the birthing team? Is he smiling? Does the passenger greet the mother and the baby with love? Will the passenger meet with his mother as soon as he gets off? How big concerns are for a tiny baby, and how important are issues for the baby, for the baby to bond with its mother-in-life.
Every bond that cannot be established, every baby that cannot be securely attached is a deep wound first for himself and then for the society.