FATHERS LOVE IT AS WE KNOW. THE SONS ALSO KNOW AS THEY KNOW
This is what the character of Yakup, played by Kadir İnanır in the movie Kapı, was saying.
How much do fathers know how to love in our society? In rural, urban, families that still preserve their patriarchal structure, fathers cannot show love to their children in public. Especially in the presence of family elders, they ignore them. Men who do not show a harsh and grandiose attitude to their wives and children are afraid of being ridiculed as henpecked, female peasant. The man, who is softer to his family when he is alone, may display harsh and uninterested attitudes in order to appear as a capable family man in the social environment due to social roles. How much love can a boy, who cannot get this love support from him, show his own child with the role model he has acquired?
Lack of interest and love from parents; attachment problems, which can lead to a perception of trauma. Does he then love, as Jacob said, “sons love as much as their father knows”?
A sentence that describes hereditary family traumas or trauma transfer very well. Studies on the transmission of childhood traumas to the next generations; shows that traumatic experiences can lead to interruptions in the mental integrity of individuals. Moreover, this effect can be reflected on future generations. An event that we don’t remember, or maybe you haven’t experienced personally, can cause us to have difficulty regulating emotions, disrupting our family functionality and disrupting our relationships.
Of course, it cannot be expected that every individual who encounters such shocks will give the same reaction. Environmental factors find meaning in our minds depending on our temperament. It is possible to break this chain of transmission by recognizing the effect of trauma and receiving treatment and emotional support. As Bernard Shaw said, “life is not about finding yourself. Life is creating yourself.”
Happy Father’s Day to all fathers who are advancing on the journey of creating themselves and the next generations.
Does this situation continue for generations with transmission? No! It would not be right to accept this as fate.
When families in which traumatic experiences are experienced continuously and intensely are examined, it is seen that parents have experienced similar traumas in their own childhood. In more in-depth studies, going back three generations; It has been observed that the same traumatic event experienced that day was experienced in the past. Domestic violence, physical and emotional neglect and abuse can manifest as a hereditary trait in some families.
In fact, it will be an important step to get professional support by realizing how true this is.
Therefore, trauma has both objective and subjective aspects. Traumatic experiences are events that cause individuals to give multi-axial symptoms psychologically. These events lead to disruptions in the mental integrity of traumatized individuals.