The road, the passenger and the comrade. We are all travelers on the path of life. During this journey, we would like to find a comrade who will cure our problems in order to share happiness and carry the burden of life. The person we refer to as a comrade is our spouse. Allahu Teala has created spouses for us from our own selves so that we can find peace with them.
The most important helpers of this calmness are the fact that men and women know their dispositions, have information about the dispositions of the other side, and focus on understanding rather than being understood.
Knowing the dispositions of men and women reveals the ‘I’, and understanding their mutual dispositions reveals the ‘we’. As a matter of fact, Demir and Durmuş (2015) mention that when the marriage perceptions of individuals who have been married for a long time are examined, the perceptions of living together and establishing a home come to the fore rather than personal wishes and desires. Nowadays, people are mostly wrong about this. If we are women, we read and know about women’s rights/behaviors, if we are men, we also read about men’s rights/behaviors. And that doesn’t take us beyond defending ourselves against our spouse. Realizing that our differences make us whole, we should try to understand our spouse by directing our understanding to the creation characteristics of our spouse.
Men and women are different in terms of form, understanding and point of view. Although there are some feminine/masculine roles in both sexes, this does not change the general and dominant characteristics. The importance that men and women should investigate each other’s different aspects and act accordingly comes into play here. While love is important to women, respect is more important to men. When a man is respected and appreciated by his wife, he tries to be a better wife. Otherwise, no matter how much women love a man, he will not believe it when there is no respect. Love, on the other hand, is a necessity for women as much as air and water. Women want to hear and feel loved. Although men do not need to talk much, they should listen to their partner and share with him in order to feel valued. In the opposite case, the woman closes herself and her feelings to her partner. The man, on the other hand, is deprived of his wife’s true feelings.
These differences do not mean to isolate one or to prioritize one over the other in our marital life. Being in harmony with our spouse by accepting each other as individuals and revealing our own personalities is the real meaning of marriage. Therefore, recognizing and accepting our different aspects is important for harmony.
Although it is somewhat easy to learn the different aspects mentioned from various communication tools such as books and magazines, it is difficult for individuals to accept them. Here, traces of the past, a fixed point of view from the family, etc. Situations play an important role. Developing a positive perspective towards the spouse will be possible with an open and effective communication. Knowing that individuals who have stepped into a common life from two different lives can disagree and balance this between them, communication will act as a magic wand. Paying attention to the communication style, learning the ways of speaking without hurting each other at the point where they are stuck, not showing the behavior of resentment, will bring the love and respect needed after the trust in marriage.
The calligrapher wrote the road, the passenger and the comrade, Without one, the other would be incomplete.
And he added: “Look, it’s a long road, you’re a traveler too. You have a companion and he or she projects you onto you.
The moment you get out, you start to drive. Even if you don’t know the path, you will find your way with your comrade.
“Look, it’s a long road,” said the calligrapher. It’s a long and difficult, long and arduous, long but beautiful road. If you have a comrade who will be devoted to your path…