Family Communication and Healthy Communication Suggestions

Family Communication and Healthy Communication Suggestions

“What do we want from life”? A wide variety of answers can be given to his question, but “having a happy family” wish is perhaps the best known. In order to ensure a happy family, the family institution also has basic requirements.

What Are the Basic Needs of the Family?

We can examine the basic needs of the family under 7 sub-titles.

1. A sense of worthiness: Interaction within the family leads children to the feeling of “I am valuable” or “I am worthless”. If this need is not fulfilled in the family, the child tries to achieve this feeling in ways. The conflicts of adolescent boys, which often result in death by forming gangs, can also be interpreted as a reaction to family environments that do not consider themselves important. The individual who acquires the feeling of “I am valuable” within the family will not need to act excessively to prove himself.

2.Environment of trust: Individuals in the family want to provide the feeling that they are safe in the family and that dangerous events outside will not enter the family. This feeling is also a feeling that should be earned in the family. One thing that should not be forgotten is how safe the child is at home. Especially in terms of exposure to violence, the home environment should be structured by considering the dangers of TV and internet environment that are not suitable for their age. Eating a meal in front of the TV, decorating the home environment according to the television, news programs about extreme violence, magazine programs that will encourage children and young people can be factors that will disrupt the safety of the home for children. The child, who does not find himself in safety, may turn to a place other than the family and break his ties with the family.

3. A sense of closeness and solidarity: If there is basic trust and solidarity within the family, negative events that create stress outside the family will not be very destructive. The family, in which the feeling of trust is experienced, can protect itself from the troubles and anxieties of the outside world. Individuals in this type of family trust themselves as well as their surroundings. If trust and solidarity are not established within the family, these people experience intense stress and tension. These people cannot even trust themselves. Therefore, they cannot establish close relationships around them.

4. Sense of responsibility: The sense of responsibility begins to develop within the family system. Parents express a sense of responsibility with their actions and words. Everyone in the family shares the sense of responsibility, not just the parents. Of course, children should be given responsibility in proportion to their age. Parents who take all responsibility on themselves and save their children from responsibility raise individuals who have difficulty in shaping their own life and are constantly under the management of others. Individuals who have grown up as a result of such attitudes constantly hold others responsible for the events that take place in their lives.

How to Gain a Sense of Responsibility?

Responsibility starts from early childhood by assigning tasks appropriate to the age, gender and developmental level of the child. Starting from the age of two and a half, giving the child the opportunity to drink the soup on his own, waiting for him to collect his toys, and preparing an environment for him to sleep in his own bed in his own room provides an encouraging and supportive environment for the child in terms of responsibility. Such an environment will increase the child’s self-confidence as it will allow the child to be self-sufficient and self-directed.

On the contrary, the protective approach; It prevents the child from becoming a self-sufficient, independent individual. Protecting the child or young person, raising him under his wing, does more harm than good. The seeds of self-esteem thrive when given responsibility.

Interaction child in the family or “I am valuable”or “I am worthless”it takes you to the feeling.

The child himself “I am valuable” First of all, he needs to be socially accepted from his close circle so that he can perceive it and feel important. In order to create this environment, it is necessary to give the child the opportunity to practice. A child who dresses as he wishes, chooses his own clothes, paints as he wishes, eats his food without pressure, sees that his personality is respected and can express himself freely thinks “I am valuable”. The child’s feeling of importance and value leads him to new breakthroughs and achievements.

5.Learning to overcome difficulties by tackling them: The child should not be given everything ready-made. The stories about the development of the sense of responsibility are about struggling with difficulties. Considering the developmental period of the child, the child should be able to be left alone with his own problems. This approach is necessary for children to be able to deal with problems and to grow up as individuals who are self-confident and have developed problem-solving skills. Children of parents who are over-helpful in every challenge they face are constantly dependent on others and insecure in themselves. Such people cannot discover their talents.

6. Happiness and self-actualization environment: Family environment is an environment of happiness. Meeting the needs described so far brings happiness. The individual who feels that he is valuable at home becomes happy, gets satisfaction from the things he does, and finds the opportunity to realize himself. Otherwise, when a mother who dedicates herself to her child or husband suspends or abandons her own development, she will become unhappy by experiencing deprivation or thinking that she sacrificed herself and her youth. The unhappiness of one of the individuals in the house in this regard will also affect other individuals and prevent family happiness. Whereas, the purpose of the devotee’s dedication was probably to make his family happier.

7. The environment of establishing the foundations of a healthy spiritual life: A child raised under strict religious rules constantly fears that he will be judged and punished. Instead of exploring and exploring his inner and outer world that will enrich his own life and experiences, he learns to obey blindly and be ashamed of his own thoughts and feelings. A healthy spiritual life is the most important process that a family can give to their child. People with a healthy spiritual foundation grow up as individuals who are at peace with themselves, positive human relations, and strong respectful individuals.

Communication

“People talk and talk” Our proverb emphasizes the importance of interpersonal communication. Communication is a multi-faceted exchange of messages with other people. These messages can be verbal or non-verbal. While conveying our messages to others, our facial expressions, gestures, in other words, our body language constitute a very important dimension of our communication.

The research is the message that is wanted to be given. 65%It shows that 35% of them are transmitted verbally, while 35% of them are transmitted in non-verbal ways (body language, facial expressions, etc.).

What is Necessary for Effective Communication?

For Effective Communication;

1- Respect:Respecting the people in front of us means accepting their existence, making them feel important and valuable, and adopting them as they are.

2- Behaving Naturally:It is to act as it is, far from exaggeration.

3-Empathy: It is perhaps the most important element of communication. In a sense, it is trying to see the outside world from the other person’s window. This shared feeling makes communication strong.

4-Active Listening: A good listener pays attention not only to what the person is communicating with, but also to what they do with their face, hands, arms and body, because communication is also established by using silent messages such as facial expressions, hand and arm movements, body posture, tone of voice. Active listening shows that the listener not only hears what is being said, but also understands it correctly. Therefore, this method is considered as the healthiest communication method.

Communication is not just talking. Communication is also;

o What,

o When,

where is he,

ó Knowing how to say

ó Presenting the events in a simple way,

ó To be able to speak fluently and with eye contact with the person in front of you,

ó Concentrating attention and checking whether the other person understands the message.

The basis of effective communication is self-knowledge, awareness of one’s own values ​​and attitudes, and self-confidence. A good communicator instantly sees cues (gestures, facial expressions, body posture) and evaluates them realistically. The concepts of active listening, reaction, positive approach and self language are important for effective communication.

Family Communication

How Should the Parent-Child Relationship Be?

Every family wants to raise healthy and successful children. While the awareness of raising healthy children develops in a positive way with the developing technology, unfortunately, the expectation for success is increasing, the child has to grow up early and take responsibilities beyond his age. Parents, who try to provide a good future for their children as much as possible, do their best to educate them in good schools and give all their devotion to their children. However, how the child will develop a healthy personality is an issue that is not considered much. In fact, not everything in life is success. The important thing is that the child can live the period he is in in a healthy way and create a healthy identity.

Due to the characteristics of the periods in which the child lives, their needs are quite different from each other. The child who wants to fall asleep with his parents during childhood will not demand such a request during adolescence. Again, the child who is traveling with his parents will not want to travel with his parents, not even in adolescence, and even meet his parents when he is with his friends.

Adolescence is a process of change and development in itself, and in this period, besides the physical characteristics of the adolescent, differences can be observed in clothing, eating habits, friend preferences, and study habits.

Therefore, the age, gender and personality characteristics of the child are very important in communication with the child. Parents who can take an open stance against possible dangers during childhood should be able to remotely control their child with adolescence. He should not act controlled but oppressive in choosing friends. Let’s not forget that freedom does not mean unlimited.

The child reflects the family. The personality structure of the individuals in the family shapes the personality of the child. In other words, if the family cannot use their communication skills, the child cannot use their communication skills. Therefore, the child is in constant conflict both in the family and in the social environment. The child, who sees that his parents listen to him, first thinks that he is valued and important, accepted, and accordingly loved. At the same time, since the child has the opportunity to express his feelings, he experiences the feeling of “understanding” and relaxes. This situation causes both an increase in self-esteem and a feeling of closeness to the person listening to him. This healthy flow of messages strengthens the child’s bond with his family and ensures the continuation of communication.

In active listening, the parent plays the role of helping the child think for himself. Responsibility is left to the child. The parent only helps him find solutions.

Children are extremely sensitive to not being listened to and taken seriously. They quickly realize that they are not being listened to. Children who do not rest for long periods of time may become defensive, uncooperative, and withdrawn.

Despite his insistence, there is an example of a child biting his hands when his mother does not listen to him. Children are mostly associated with stealing, aggression, self-harming behaviors due to lack of rest. “Please listen to me. I’m emotionally upset, pay attention to me”are transmitting their message.

What are the Communication Barriers?

The communication between children and parents can sometimes be full of obstacles that force healthy communication. To give some examples;

ó Frequent Imperatives;

Let’s try to catch the imperative sentences we have formed by reviewing our lives. “Get up, wash your face, finish your milk, brush your teeth, don’t talk with your mouth full, finish your homework, turn off the TV, don’t raise your voice when talking to your elders, listen to your teacher……” It will not be difficult for us to catch extended command words such as It’s almost like the “down!-get up!-crawl out!” We can become people who are constantly giving orders. However, since obedience in military service is of vital importance, the soldier should not take another action until the order to get up comes after the order to lie down.

Well, is it what we want to turn our house into a military headquarters and create regular soldiers? Of course not. We should help our children think and find what is necessary for them, not doing what they are told out of fear.

ó Intimidating Speech;

“If you don’t finish school, you won’t get paid”, “If you don’t finish your homework, forget the TV”, “If you don’t drink your milk, you’ll be a dwarf”, “If you don’t have slippers, you’ll get sick” as. Sometimes we can condition him to finish a behavior to make our job easier, or we can make him do the behavior we want by intimidating him. Although we don’t want him to watch television, we can make it more attractive by making it conditional. It can also create behavior of fear, submission, obedience, or “attempt” can trigger the request. It can cause feelings of resentment, resentment, anger, and hostility.

ó Constantly Giving Advice, Suggesting Solutions;

“If I were you, I would work with a plan”, “you will get taller when you finish your milk”, “let me give you a suggestion” and we believe that this way of speaking is very helpful and constructive. What we need to think about first is to answer the question whether I need the things we say, and then to observe that unsolicited advice and help are not helpful. Otherwise, this approach may create children dependent on their parents. In addition, it will not contribute to the creation of their own solutions.

ó Frequently Judging, Criticizing;

“You’re already a lazy person” “I’d be surprised if you already succeeded” “You didn’t finish again” Making sentences like these can cause feelings of inadequacy and stupidity. It may cause the child to cut off communication for fear of being the target of negative judgment or scolding, or the child may perceive judgments and criticisms as real (I’m bad!)or respond (You’re not perfect either!).

These messages have a more negative impact on the child than any other. These assessments lower the child’s self-esteem. Negative evaluations about children cause the child to see himself as worthless and inadequate.

ó Constantly Praising the Child

If the child performs the desired behavior, the child can be praised in any inappropriate environment. “Very nice……..”, “I think you are doing a great job…..”In this case, the child may think that the expectations of the family are too high or may feel anxiety.

As a general belief, it is not thought that this situation will harm the child. Making evaluations that do not fit the child’s self-perception creates anger in the child. Children interpret these messages as cunning for the parents’ attempt to direct them and do their will.

When you say it like that, is it like I’m going to work harder?”

they might think. In addition, if praise is given in front of others, it may embarrass the child, or as a result of excessive praise, the child gets used to it and begins to need praise.

ó Name-calling, mocking:

“Big baby…”, “Come on Superman”, “Idiot”, “Come on you watery eye”, Making sentences like this does not make the child feel valuable in his development. It can lead to the formation of the impression that he is not loved, and it can have negative effects on his self-development. Saying words to the beloved, such as “my love, my lover”, may cause difficulties in determining the boundaries of his relationship with his mother or father, and in the formation of sexual norms.

ó Constantly Asking Questions, Testing, Questioning:

“Why?….Who?…..What did you do?……How?…..”

Because answering questions often brings criticism or compelling solutions, children often tend to say no, answer half-correctly, run away, or lie.

The child may become afraid and anxious as the questions often do not explain where the questioner wants to get to.

The child who tries to answer the questions arising from the concerns of the family may miss his own problem.

When the child feels that he is being questioned, this creates insecurity and doubt in him.

SUGGESTIONS

1. Spend time with your child. Time spent with your child is never wasted time.

Loving a child is not buying him lots of expensive toys, but sharing common activities with him, making time for him, playing games with him. Loving a child is beyond expressing love with words, it is making him experience this feeling with action.

2. When you are with your child, focus your full attention on him. Therefore, enjoy being a mother or father by taking care of your child when you feel comfortable, not while you are busy with another job.

3. Listen to the child instead of humiliating, blaming, making decisions on behalf of the child.

4. A child who thinks he is being listened to is a child who thinks he is accepted and therefore loved.

5. Reinforce the sign of acceptance with body language by making eye contact and smiling. Thus, the child “His personality is respected”continues to communicate.

6. The child, who sees that his parents listen to him, finds the opportunity to express his feelings. She experiences the feeling of “understanding” with the reactions she receives. That way they are comfortable.

7. Be consistent in your behavior towards your child. If you behave in a contradictory way within yourself or if the parents behave in contradiction with each other, “find the truth”forces on.

8. Do not compare your child with other children. The child needs to be cared for by his parents and to be accepted as a valuable person. Comparing him with other children prevents him from seeing himself as a valuable person. Accepting the child as a unique and independent individual is the basis of mental health.

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