Factors that affect individuals in choosing a mate

In these periods, as we approach the two millenniums, changes and developments in science, technology and art are taking place at a dizzying pace.
With the industrial revolution, our country is also rapidly affected by the structure that has gained the feature of being a secondary (urban) society. This structure directly changes many elements and gives it new forms and contents in a short time. Family, economy, social relations, marriages etc…. These changes also increase the need for scientific research and examination. As a matter of fact, a study was conducted in 1996 in order to look at the institution of marriage and the changes in its formation from a different perspective in Turkey. The aim of the study is to determine the psycho-social factors in the spouse selection criteria of the marriage candidates (fiancé or verbal) and to rate the factors that are effective in considering marriage. The same research also aimed to determine the marriage counseling services and working qualifications provided in the province of Izmir. Based on this thesis, the research was carried out in a sample of 100 randomly selected people from Izmir. It has been observed that the factors that are effective in the selection of spouses also change depending on the change in the socio-economic and cultural levels of the individuals. It has been observed that as the specified levels increase, psychological and emotional factors such as love, respect and valuation are effective in the selection of a spouse, and as the specified levels decrease, the factors of establishing a marriage in accordance with familial and environmental expectations are effective.

Other important findings of the study can be summarized as follows;

Men and women who stated that women did not show a tendency to choose a spouse similar to their father’s personality and men’s personality similar to their mother’s personality, on the other hand, stated that they were mostly (63.9%) positively affected by these similarities.

Women decided to marry a person with equal or higher education, and men decided to marry a person with equal or lower education than them. Men and women took into account the education and occupation of the person they chose in relation to their own professional status.

They stated that they see “sharing life with the person they love” as a significant factor (71%) in their thoughts about wanting marriage.

It has been observed that as individuals’ participation in economic life increases, they tend to meet with the chosen spouse in the social or business environment rather than in the family environment, and they meet and flirt in line with their own choices.

Thoughts about whether or not dating before marriage is necessary, men and women have differentiated by being influenced by the settlement (village, city, town, metropolitan city…) where they spend most of their lives, and their educational status, especially the uneducated, uneducated rural region and men who have an extended family culture. has also become evident.

As for who should choose the person who is considered as a spouse, both women and men stated that they should choose it themselves, and they did not make a significant difference in this regard.

Questions about what marriage means for couples, open-ended questions, individuals are expressed as “love, love, sharing and happiness” depending on the increase in socio-cultural and economic level.

Although the research expresses the majority of couples who make seemingly independent decisions in the choice of marriage and spouse in Izmir, the psychological factors underlying these decisions were tried to be determined by the Beier and Thematic Perception Tests (TAT) applied to the individuals, and it was observed that the social and emotional factors and psychological factors did not overlap much. .

It was observed that individuals experienced fear in choosing a spouse, anxiety about not being happy and not being able to continue the marriage, negative feelings towards the spouse’s family, and some uncertainties about the spouse’s previous relationships.

For this reason, Counseling Research Centers and guidance services in secondary schools should be made more sensitive in this regard, and “marriage and family counseling centers” should be supported, structured and expanded by the state throughout the country.

Formal and non-formal education programs should be developed for individuals to gain a healthy sexual identity, and publications and research on this subject should be supported.
Awareness is essential for a healthy society and healthy marriages to be established.
The decision to marry is a new spontaneity that has been achieved in the mind and is caught at a one hundred percent intellectual level, and this spontaneity replaces the tendency to love. The decision to marry is a religious view of life based on moral data, so it should open the way to the love tendency and protect it against the dangers from inside and outside. Simone de Beauvoir, a French writer, expressed her ideas on this subject in her book entitled The Age of Marriage: The decision to marry should not be an instant decision. Individuals who are considering marriage should believe that they can create a healthy family environment with the person they want to marry. The creation of this environment depends on individuals’ being able to agree in many fields such as education, social-cultural field, temperament and mentality, and so on.(Beauvoir.1970 p:30-31)

Doğan Cüceloğlu expressed the reasons why this long-term relationship between individuals depends on: How is it that some relationships are short-term and some relationships are long-term? There may be changes in the relations of the individual depending on the social situation, age, education, family environment, religious beliefs, political ideologies. The fact that individuals perceive each other as similar plays an important role in the long or short-term relationships. Perceived similarity not only brings people closer to each other, but also leads to long-term relationships. The family is the foundation of society. On the basis of the family, there is a long-term satisfactory relationship between two adult people, one man and one woman.(Cüceloğlu.1992 p: 541-542)

The best solution for two people who love each other is marriage. (Fromm.1976 p: 76)
Marriage encompasses many different relationships, one of which breaks down and the other breaks down. Exchanging feelings and thoughts between spouses, spending some of their free time together; They should agree with each other in economic matters and in the upbringing of children and be in sexual harmony. Each of these relationships is equally important throughout the entire marriage. (Eker. 1993 p:87-95)

The younger generation is now trying to bring a different perspective to life. This situation brings with it conflicting criteria in choosing a spouse in marriage and thus divorce.(Rich.1974 p:177)

Marriage is a concept loaded with social elements that human groups practice and develop throughout their lives. The difference between cultures can be explained by the fact that social elements are formed between different cultures and are loaded with different value judgments. Societies have developed a set of rules about who can marry whom with how many wives and under what conditions. Although there are many different practices, marriage characterizes a type of relationship created between men and women or between men and women, which is approved by the society in its true aspect. The fact that the relationship takes place within certain patterns also allows marriage to be handled and analyzed as a social institution. Family unity ensures its continuity with the institution of marriage. In other words, the phenomenon of marriage emerges as a contract to establish the social relations that make up the family and to establish certain patterns.(Başar . 1994 p: 251)

It is known that social change causes some changes in the structure of the family, and the understanding and functions of the family change. The family has taken a new form within the framework of its changing functions and has gained a quality that can meet the material and emotional needs of its members at a higher level. Today, it is known that in many developed countries and Turkey, the institution of family and marriage has gained a new meaning that includes friendship, love and respect.(Erkan . 1986 p: 2)

In marriage, meeting the physiological needs comes to mind in the first place. In marriage, first of all, the union of a man and a woman is the issue. The need for love must be met, and marriage can be the satisfaction of the needs of love, affection, affection, and finally, love and love, which can lead to infatuation (Arkun.1965 p:34).

One of the basic social norms in all societies is the healthy and balanced continuation of marriages. Every person who decides to get married expects to be happier and more peaceful in their marital relationship. Because the institution of marriage is necessary for the establishment of family unity.( Arıkan . 1992 p:21)

In our country, premarital friendships generally occur at the end of high school and university period for the young people who study, and before and after the military service period for those who do not go to higher education. In choosing a spouse, the premarital friendship period is a period that should be carefully maintained and evaluated well. The most prominent benefit of this process, which facilitates choosing a spouse and reaching a marriage decision, is that individuals get to know both themselves and the other person.( Özgüven . 2000 p:41)

In our country, the average age at first marriage for girls is 17.7. In rural areas, this age drops to 17.2. As the education of girls increases, the age at first marriage is delayed. In addition, it is seen that those who work in the industry and service sector, that is, those who live in cities, get married later than others. In developing countries and Turkey, lack of education can be seen as a cause, not a result. In early marriages, the imbalance in the family structure and the inability to show the characteristics of being an adult are more common situations. (Hacettepe magazine January 1985 p: 55-56)

One of the biggest problems of today’s people is loneliness. As cities get bigger and life style gets faster, loneliness also increases. People also see marriage as a solution to get rid of loneliness and a safe life. In marriage, which aims to live together for life, regular, harmonious and balanced relations are closely related to the correct decision to marry at the beginning. The decision to marry is an important decision that will affect more than two-thirds of human life and the entire future.(Özgüven. 2000 p:21-36)

Higher education youth is a population that is experiencing or exceeding the end of adolescence in human life. Higher education youth, leaving the household and family population, have to make decisions on their own and take responsibility for the results. During this period, he is responsible for solving problems such as academic success, girl-boy and friend relations, dating, establishing a family, and gaining an identity in the most appropriate way. A healthy and strong society is also achieved through family and marriage, which are the core of society. At this point, young people need to be very selective and careful. ( Tan. 1986 p:304)

Source:
E.UNAL 1996
“Spouse Selection Criteria of Marriage Candidates and Marriage Counseling in Izmir
Services ” 9 Eylül University Institute of Social Sciences (Unpublished
MA Thesis)

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