Caring for children’s feelings, showing interest and child Parents who know the feelings of their children are called “Emotion Coaches”. Emotion coach parents guide their children on what to do and how to cope with the ups and downs of life.
They do not object or oppose their children’s negative emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and anger. They do not prefer not to see their children. Rather, they accept the negative emotions their children have felt as a fact of life. And then, they see the moment when these feelings are experienced as an “opportunity” for them and evaluate this feeling with their children, being with them and guiding them on how to deal with this feeling.
Research shows that children are sad or angry when they need their parents the most. Children’s ability to cope with their negative emotions may be limited and differ from each other. Parents who were not successful in instilling emotional intelligence in their children were divided into three groups:
Parents who ignore their feelingsThey ignore or trivialize children’s negative emotions.
Parents who disapprove of feelingsThey criticize children who express negative emotions, and sometimes scold or punish them for their emotional expression.
not interfering with emotions , Overly tolerant parents accept and empathize with their children’s feelings. But they fall short of guiding or limiting behavior.
In summary, parents are divided into emotional coaching parents and these three groups of non-coaching parents. So, how will emotional coaching be applied?
The emotion coaching process can be considered in five stages. Parents:
Recognizes the child’s feelings.
He sees emotion as an opportunity to get closer and teach.
Listens empathetically and confirms the validity of feelings.
Helps the child find the right words to name the emotion.
It sets boundaries while helping the child solve the problem.
When we look at the effects of emotion coaching; Children who often receive guidance about their emotions (compared to those who do not) are healthier and more successful. They have better relationships with their friends, show less problematic behaviors, and are less involved in acts of violence. They experience negative emotions less than positive ones and live as emotionally healthy individuals.
When the stages of emotion coaching are carried out regularly, parents and children get used to it in a short time and become competent. They notice emotions more easily and are more willing to express them. Children begin to realize the benefits of getting help from an emotion coach as they try to solve their problems. When they have problems, they may be in search of someone who is an emotion coach. But of course, emotion coaching does not mean that we will always be in calm waters. We encounter some difficulties and obstacles, there are times when we try to be in touch with the child’s emotions and do not get any signals from him. I will talk about the methods we can use in moments of congestion soon.
The biggest responsibility of parents; Listening to the child is defined as hearing not only the child’s words, but also the feelings behind the words. How do you hear your child?