Effects of Arguing Parents on Child Psychology

It is quite natural for two different individuals living under the same roof in marriage to have disagreements. There may be some conflicts and tensions in almost every family. However, the frequent repetition of these discussions, the fact that the spouses start to hurt each other verbally and physically, and communication without respect and love can cause deep wounds in the psychology of the children at home.

The family is the most important institution that shapes the future lives of children. Growing up in a peaceful family environment is the most basic right of children. It is very important for the child’s psycho-social development that the child grows up in a peaceful and compassionate environment, away from arguments and tensions, especially in the first childhood period when his personality is shaped.

Negative effects of quarrels in the family on the child:

– The child, who sees his parents verbally or physically attacking each other, may feel responsible for this situation and feel that his parents do not love him.

– The child who grows up in violent fights between spouses causes him to be afraid of them, become cold and his confidence decreases over time. The intense anger and physical violence that occurs in fights is a frightening situation for children. When the child gets angry, when he sees the father or mother who succumbed to his anger, he thinks that his parent, whom he had described as a loving person, has turned into something else and is afraid that the anger will turn towards him. As a result of all this, the child’s trust in his parents is shaken.

– The violence that comes with arguments from time to time in front of the child at home may cause the child to be prone to violence in the outside world.

Spouses talking loudly to each other increases the child’s fear and anxiety level.

A child who cannot find peace at home may seek happiness elsewhere. It is possible that children who commit crimes and use alcohol, drugs and cigarettes were brought up in an uneasy family environment.

-The fact that the child witnesses the fight of his parents during the first childhood, when the personality develops, paves the way for the formation of many emotional and behavioral problems in the child. The conflicts between the parents will remain as bad memories in the child’s love of people and life, and adaptation to social life. The emergence of many psycho-social disorders in humans may be due to such unpleasant memories in childhood. For example; Growing up in a peaceful family environment is effective at the root of many psychological disorders such as reluctance towards life, developing hostile feelings towards people, enjoying torturing animals, lying, stealing, acquiring various tics, lack of self-confidence and shyness.

-The school success of the child who grows up in a home where there is no fighting, will also be low. Particularly, he cannot listen to the lessons that require attention and cannot concentrate his attention. When parents complain about their children’s academic success, they should first question themselves. In addition, the child, who is affected by the tense family environment at home, may act aggressively to his friends at school, isolate himself from them, and be alone.

The depressive moods of the parents are also reflected on their children, and children show depressive symptoms such as intense sadness, unhappiness and not being able to enjoy anything.

What Should Parents Pay Attention To?

First of all, if husband-wife quarrels cannot be prevented, this should not be reflected to the child. Parents should avoid arguments in front of the child.

Care must be taken to ensure that the discussions are solution-oriented.

If the child has witnessed the argument at home, he or she should take care to resolve the argument. The resolution of the argument between the parents reduces the emotional and behavioral effect of the fight on the child. The resolution of the problems between the parents causes the children to feel that this conflict is constructive, and the child’s reaction changes accordingly. Resolved, constructive discussions are important for both parents and children. Although it is not always possible to find a solution in front of the child, children will benefit from an explanation on this issue.

But it is very important that words be consistent with actions. The message that the child receives from the speeches of his parents and the message he receives from the movement and tone of voice should not be contradictory.

Spouses should avoid offensive and insulting words or expressions. This situation increases the child’s anxiety and fear.

The child should not be given the task of “arbitrator” during the fight process. The mother or father should not tell the child about their complaints about each other, should not abuse each other to the child, and should not pressure the child to take sides.

Parents should not reflect their anger on the child during the discussion, and should not take their anger out on the child as if the child has made a mistake.

Especially discussions about the child should not be held in front of the child. Arguments about himself can cause problems such as guilt, shame, and inferiority complex in the child.

Finally; If spouses have complaints from each other and cannot resolve this situation among themselves, they should definitely seek support from a specialist. The personality development of children who grow up in fighting environments where violence, humiliation and insults are severely impaired. Parents should think about the future of their children and should not allow difficult-to-treat wounds in their child’s psychology.

Effects of Family Fights on Children:

– The child who sees his parents verbally or physically attacking each other may feel responsible for this situation and feel that his parents do not love him.

The child who grows up in violent fights between spouses causes him to be afraid of them, become cold and his confidence decreases over time. Intense anger, especially in fights, is a frightening situation for children. When the child gets angry, when he sees the father or mother who succumbed to his anger, he thinks that his parent, whom he had described as a loving person, has turned into something else and is afraid that the anger will turn towards him. As a result of all this, the child’s trust in his parents is shaken.

– The violence that comes with arguments from time to time in front of the child at home may cause the child to be prone to violence in the outside world.

– Spouses shouting loudly at each other increases the child’s fear and anxiety level.

A child who cannot find peace at home may seek happiness elsewhere. It is possible that children who commit crimes and use alcohol, drugs and cigarettes were brought up in an uneasy family environment.

-The fact that the child witnesses the fight of his parents during the first childhood, when the personality develops, paves the way for the formation of many emotional and behavioral problems in the child. The conflicts between the parents will remain as bad memories in the child’s love of people and life, and adaptation to social life. The emergence of many psycho-social disorders in humans may be due to such unpleasant memories in childhood. For example; Growing up in a restless family environment is effective on the basis of many psychological disorders such as reluctance towards life, developing hostile feelings towards people, enjoying torturing animals, lying, stealing, acquiring various tics, lack of self-confidence and shyness.

-The school success of the child who grows up in a home where there is no fighting, will also be low. Particularly, he cannot listen to the lessons that require attention and cannot concentrate his attention. When parents complain about their children’s academic success, they should first question themselves. In addition, the child, who is affected by the tense family environment at home, may act aggressively to his friends at school, isolate himself from them, and be alone.

The depressive moods of the parents are also reflected on their children, and children show depressive symptoms such as intense sadness, unhappiness, and inability to enjoy anything.

What Should Parents Pay Attention To?

– First of all, if husband-wife quarrels cannot be prevented, this should not be reflected to the child. Parents should avoid arguments in front of the child.

– If the child has witnessed the argument at home, parents should take care to resolve the argument. The resolution of the argument between the parents reduces the emotional and behavioral effect of the fight on the child. The resolution of the problems between the parents causes the children to feel that this conflict is constructive, and the child’s reaction changes accordingly. Constructive discussions that have been resolved are important for both parents and children. Although it is not always possible to find a solution in front of the child, children will benefit from an explanation on this issue. However, it is very important that the words in the statements made are consistent with the behaviors. The message that the child receives from the speeches of his parents and the message he receives from the movement and tone of voice should not be contradictory.

-The child should not be given the duty of “arbitrator” during the fight process. The mother or father should not tell the child about their complaints about each other, should not abuse each other to the child, and should not pressure the child to take sides.

-Mothers and fathers should not reflect their anger on the child during the discussion, and should not take their anger out on the child as if the child has made a mistake.

-Discussions, especially about the child, should not be held in front of the child. Arguments about himself can cause problems such as guilt, shame, inferiority complex, and introversion in the child.

In summary; If spouses have complaints from each other and cannot resolve this situation among themselves, they should definitely seek support from a specialist. The personality development of children who grow up in fighting environments with violence, humiliation and insults is seriously impaired. Parents should think about the future of their children and should not allow difficult-to-treat wounds in their child’s psychology.

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