Effective Communication in Romantic Relationships

Gender is a phenomenon defined by an individual’s reproductive organs and characteristics originating from his genes. An individual with the XX chromosome is called a female, and an individual with an XY chromosome is called a male. Humans are creatures that cannot live alone, coexist with others and seek close relationships. Intimacy or love is sometimes used to indicate a personal relationship, sometimes a special element or feature of personal relationships, and sometimes a certain feeling that one person has for another. The important thing here is that there should always be an “other” person for close relationship or love. People tend to be influenced by those closest to them. The more you are exposed to something or a person, the more you love it. Similarity in beliefs, attitudes, and values ​​leads to the development of friendship.

What is love?

Love is one of the complex human emotions and cannot be explained by a single theory or model. Love also has the ability to protect and heal from diseases. From a hormonal point of view, the signals of romantic love are manifested in the form of red cheeks, rapid heartbeat and sweaty hands. When falling in love, the main effect occurs inside the body with the effect of various chemicals released from the hypothalamus region of the brain. According to Fischer, people fall in love because of the complex chemistry of hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin, testosterone, and adrenaline. When falling in love, chemicals secreted from the hypothalamus transmit a message to the pituitary region of the brain, and the pituitary releases its own hormones into the bloodstream. After this stage, the hormones related to sexuality are rapidly mixed into the blood. Adrenaline is responsible for the lover’s heartbeat and sweating. Dopamine, on the other hand, is responsible for the fact that a person in love cannot forget the person in front of him and is attached to him with great passion. It has been proven that there is an increase in the activity of dopamine-producing cells in the brains of people who have just fallen in love with great passion. It is thought that the source of the problems that occur in rejected lovers is the depletion of the dopamine molecule in their brains. In the addiction phase of love, oxytocin and vasopressin are effective. Oxytocin is also secreted during birth and is also effective in the formation of the bond between mother and baby.

What are the effective ways of communication in romantic relationships?

The female brain and the male brain work very differently. Talking about the differences between male and female brains, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “While the right part of the brain of women develops, aesthetic perceptions such as emotion, excitement, music and art come to the fore; The left brain that develops in men has developed biologically with rational concepts such as logic, reasoning and analysis. But as the person develops himself and uses his forebrain, the difference between the right and left brain begins to decrease.” Tarhan said, “While the female brain works with a focus on relieving loneliness by talking when under stress, the male brain retreats to its mental shelter under stress, but if men say some nice words, women don’t need to talk,” said Tarhan. his brain works with a focus on romance”. While men use language more to express their ideas and solve problems, women use it more to share their concerns, daily experiences and mundane thoughts. Men use language to maintain their independence and place within the group, while women use it to connect and create a sense of intimacy. While men attack problems, women prefer to listen, support or show understanding. Based on all these differences, how can effective communication be ensured in male and female relations? It is necessary to be clear with each other, because the female brain works mainly verbally, she uses more words when expressing herself. However, since the male brain works with rational concepts, he will not be able to understand more than 9 (nine) words. Women complain about not being understood during the discussion, but because the male brain does not work verbally, communication problems arise. “I” language should be used in bilateral relations. In other words, instead of expressing what the other party did not do; A language such as “I felt worthless in line with this movement” should be used. Talking by taking a break is very effective. Talking for a long time makes it difficult for the other person to listen. “Mind-reading” should not be done. Focusing on your own needs and feelings instead of trying to read the thoughts of the other person ensures effective communication. Attribution is the individual’s attributing observable events to a number of reasons, based on the cause and effect relationship. Attribution, also called causality attribution, is defined as the process of trying to understand the causes of both their own behavior and that of other individuals. In the basic attribution fallacy, people tend to attribute external reasons for their own behavior and internal reasons for the behavior of others in situations that are not positive enough. While the main reason for external attribution to oneself is to try to maintain a positive and consistent image of himself, one of the most important reasons for internal attribution to others is that making an internal attribution requires less effort than looking at all of the situational details. Internalizing the situation or event makes the individual more aggressive. Instead, why did the person choose to do this behavior by approaching the events holistically, or what drove him to this attitude? Seeking an answer to the question will provide much healthier communication. Sometimes when trying to communicate effectively, one’s goal should be to express oneself rather than being understood. Generally, individuals understand the sentences by passing them through their own filters while listening. These filters vary according to many factors; such as culture, age, social environment, education level. The aim of the individual may be to express the emotions effectively and choose the way of relaxation instead of keeping them inside. Man is a social being and prefers to relax by talking and telling. A more concise, clear and sincere language will ensure effective communication.

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