Does a Psychotherapist Give Advice? What Does the Psychotherapist Listen to in You?

First of all, I would like to point out that the “therapist” used in the title and to be used in the text.

Although the expression contains theoretical inaccuracies, its daily usage in Turkish and this

taking into account what is mostly meant in usage; “Psychologist” “Psychological Counselor”

and instead of all the titles of “Psychotherapist”, meaning “Mental Health Specialist”

used; The fact that only one name has been chosen is for both ease of expression and

Whatever approach a mental health professional is working with, his work and approach

It is based on therapeutic theories. Essentially, the intended concept is client-

It is the whole of psychological help services that includes the counselor relationship.

Advice is cheap, even as a poet says: “Recommenders are those who don’t pay the price.” says advice

about the givers.

Anybody can give advice about anything, because he doesn’t take any responsibility,

He speaks from a position where he can be easily stepped aside.

The advice puts the whole burden on the person being recommended, the adviser thus frees himself from liability.

has since.

Advice is a painkiller, it only stops the feeling of pain for a while, but

unrelated to the source.

Advice is often a band-aid type rapid response effort to a serious wound,

It doesn’t heal the wound, it just heals it.

One of the first skills therapists learn is to teach both themselves and their clients afterwards.

It will be perhaps the most difficult. “Sitting in silence”. Ultimately, your therapist in a sense

is a specialized, trained listener; It’s not a recommendation machine.

Of course, none of this is that your therapist is just staring at you throughout your interviews and

It doesn’t mean he just listened. Any therapist actively

follows specific signals; which you can then use in your dialogues over time.

will use it to structure it and guide its course as it will be beneficial to you.


Now, what a therapist has followed in you, in what you said, and in your silences,

I will try to deal with it in three main parts.

First, the therapist listens to hear what you essentially want. This is why advice

remains/will be ineffective in the counseling process; because what you really want is to arrive

The therapist cannot say anything about where you want, only you can know. Ultimately,

You still have the answers to your questions; those answers, maybe your expectations, maybe your dreams,

maybe it’s hiding under your hopes and waiting for you to find them there.

The therapist’s function for you is, in a sense, as Winnicott says, “Hiding is fun, but it’s never

not being found is a disaster”, as he said, this game of hide-and-seek is a game for you.

play your game in your language and accompany you so that it does not turn into a disaster.

it will do.

Second, the therapist listens to your tone. Because it’s not what you say, it’s how

What you say, what kind of utterance you prefer, takes you to where you are.

That’s why your speech is just as important to the therapist as what you talk about, and even

the words you choose as well as your expressions and your body language when using them. simply tell

If necessary, your use of the phrase “I wish” a lot focuses on the past and what happened in the past.

repeating the word “maybe” frequently to your indecision, “what if… if I had” “what if…

“I wish I had said that” statements give your therapist an idea about the level of stress you experience in certain situations.

It will give you the opportunity to begin to realize that what you are saying is being “heard” in these respects as well.

At the same time, you begin to hear in yourself the things that you have closed your ears to yourself.

will mean. Because now you know that you are “heard” and even what you have been told so far.

you may be beginning to discern that you are not “heard”, and the emotional changes this creates

Of course, it will be a part of your process, and it will be healing for you. And of course

in one respect the most important part of your speech/style: gaps and silences. in front of you

Now there is someone you are sure will listen to you without surprise, and you are silent,

Images, thoughts are running around in your mind, maybe it’s perfect because you know you’ll be heard.

you don’t want to say them without making it up, or maybe you’re so relieved that you’re there

Even talking to your therapist from time to time about your presence is beneficial for you.

you are making gains. The therapist listens to these gaps just as you speak, and

it agrees with your silence.

Third, the therapist has you close your eyes and ears to see or hear.

listens to your feelings that you don’t want, that you forgot or maybe you hide behind. because you

You are in them, you are with them, but you cannot see yourself together with your feelings.

You will need the mirror, for a while.

In short, the therapist does not give advice to do these things. Symbolically, a therapist

she takes her client’s hands and takes a walk with her into her world. drawing the way

It is the client himself, while the therapist only accompanies him. The therapist and client, together,

The places where the client has been stuck in the past, the places where he sees deficiencies, maybe he doesn’t care.

they take a walk towards what they don’t remember, their separation, their trauma. This discovery is

it continues until it is completely lost, unable to find its way back on its own; because

To find and be found, it must first be lost. At that stage, he will experience confusion,

he will feel tired and want to give up; not functional for him so far

will have difficulties repeating similar things despite knowing At this stage, the therapist

shows the client the breadcrumbs that will enable him to find the way; that is, the client

He gives back what he heard from their conversation and patiently tries to find the way out or back to the client.

waits to find it. He accompanies her by asking some questions, pointing to clues; thus

the client can make the tools that help him get out of his confusion, or he can

He will be able to begin to see that he has the ability to fix things.

The next session will look exactly like the previous one, the first session the third and the second until

long enough for the client to learn to find their own way out of their own confusion.

until you get through. And when he found it, when he was sure that what he found was what he was looking for; Request

therapy is complete there.

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