“Human In fact, there is some truth in this saying. When people we care about in our lives let us down, we may resent them and choose to remain silent. We expect the person we care about to value us, to understand and take us seriously. We get hurt because we don’t expect the action from that person. It is a very natural behavior to cool our emotions at the end of the hurt and to calm down and account for the event. However, when resentment lasts longer than necessary, it causes breaks in communication by exceeding its meaning and purpose. Unnecessary long resentments can also have the purpose of manipulation and punishment .
The act of giving up is also a learned behavior like most behaviors. Mostly, they may set a negative example for their children as a result of parents giving place to resentment in their communication or showing resentment towards their children during childhood. It should not be forgotten that being offended by the child means rejecting the child, and this does not help the child to stop his behavior, but also increases the level of anxiety and causes the thought of worthlessness. As a matter of fact, when you get offended by your child, you are giving the message “I will accept and love you only if you behave the way I want”. Of course, with the heat of the event, you may need to be quiet a bit. After all, your children are the assets you value most in your life. So it is acceptable for you to be offended or resentful towards them. However, in such a situation, instead of being offended by your child, it would be sufficient to explain that “I feel really upset or angry about your behavior, so give me some time and then we’ll talk”. In this process, you can reduce communication until you calm down, but completely turning your back on your child will mean punishing him. This can make them feel seriously guilty. In order not to offend you, they may become very passive and expect approval in their every behavior, or they may become angry with the effect of conditional love and produce more problem behaviors. In addition, since the child will feel flawed, the probability of exhibiting a very touchy structure in his future life increases. This situation affects social life, friendships and friendships in an extremely negative way. It causes loneliness.
On the other hand, the child who takes the embarrassment as an example and believes that it works can also use this behavior to manipulate the parents. The child, who feels weak and helpless, may shut himself up in communication and get offended in order to gain control and avoid the reaction of his parents. In this way, he thinks that he can touch the conscience of his parents and calm them down. Especially children who expect too much punishment may try to soften the other person by staying silent. For this reason, you should talk about your children’s mistakes without being accusatory and without causing them to feel ashamed. Talking about problems with questions and answers such as “Why did you do this, how did you feel, what do you think could be the consequences of doing this, how can you solve the problem when you encounter the same situation again, how can you react?” is one of the effective methods.
The same situation is seen in children who get angry with their parents when their wishes are not fulfilled. In this way, the child who believes that he will make his parents feel sorry for himself, if he gets what he wants, sees it as a solution and starts to use it frequently. Therefore, parents should be aware of these situations and prevent their children from reaching their goals. If your child can’t stand it when he gets offended by you because it’s not what he wants, and you realize their wishes one by one, it is likely that they will resort to this method every time. Therefore, when your child cuts off communication with you, you can explain, “You are angry with me and I see that you do not want to talk, I understand that. We can talk when you are ready. But your silence will not change the result.”
Sometimes parents can make mistakes with their children. If your child is resentful as a result of being offended by you, it would be a wonderful gesture to apologize to him for your mistake. Because in this case, it should not be forgotten that the reason for his resentment is the value and love he gives to his parents. By apologizing to him, you will both show the value and respect you give him and set an example for him in apologizing.
As a result, resentment is an acceptable process as long as it is not used to manipulate the other party, but only means resentment. However, if the aim is to obtain requests, to attract attention, then this should not be allowed.