Do you have courage to love?
Isn’t it difficult for some of us to ask this question? And let alone telling him this, it may be that sometimes we can’t even admit to ourselves that we’re in love. You know, there’s that feeling of being stuck between love and pride, or that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Have you ever been in love but couldn’t tell? Have you ever thought about what is holding you back? Why didn’t these words come out of your mouth? Why did it take you so hard to take the first step? But what is the basis of the emotion that we put into a single word, which we call pride? How does this have anything to do with our past? Why are we always stuck in the same spot? What if you could feel all these strong feelings towards your best friend? Would you gather all your courage and say it, or would you hide your love deep in your heart, waiting for him to say it one day?
Request 2003 This movie is born out of these dilemmas. Let’s illuminate the answers to these questions together with the light of Schema Therapy, which I believe maps the soul to. The movie is spiritual two injured children It starts with a friendship story. One is a boy who learns that his mother, who is his only source of love, is dying, makes totems so that he will not die, and has not received any attention, affection or closeness from his father in this process; the other is the immigrant daughter who came from her own country during a period of intense racism, was not accepted in the lands she came from, was excluded and humiliated…
Julien lost his mother when he was a child. the abandonment scheme while preparing the environment for its formation; father’s lack of interest, support, affection emotional deprivation schema caused to occur. These two main schemes not only affected his past but also influenced his future.
When Sophie comes from her own country, she is excluded in the environment she came from, being insulted as a dirty Polish, being mocked, her belief that she cannot be loved by anyone. of the flaw schemeand of skepticismwith laying the foundations ;not getting enough love and attention in this process, not having someone to protect her in the face of what she went through. emotional deprivation of the schemeand not feeling that he belongs to the environment he came from. Social Isolation of the scheme formed the core. And these schemas that he brought with him in his childhood affected his whole life and decisions like everyone else.
Julien is the only treasure his mother gave him to make Sophie happy and befriend her, a hurt child like himself. ‘game box’ He wants to give it to Sophie, but; Sophie’s answer “Prove you love me”is . The schema of imperfection and skepticismHe has become so in control of his life that he cannot even accept the gift given to him unconditionally. (scheme delivery). And dangerous games to prove their love for each other begin at this time. The game is for them to say ‘I love you, I’m with you, I’ll risk everything for you’ their emotional deprivation It is a way of mutual satisfaction. The game box is the symbol of their love.
Their friendship continued like this until the teenage years, which became stronger after the death of Julien’s mother. With adolescence, those innocent feelings of friendship have been replaced by love and neither of them have the courage to express it. In this period, when they cannot express their feelings, they hide their feelings. emotion suppression schemehas dominated (scheme delivery ). Although they could not express their mutual feelings, the strong attraction created by love drew them to each other like a magnet. common to both emotional deprivation schemeit made them feel such strong feelings for each other (schema chemistry).The games that bind them together were also in this period. Prove you love me’ came out of ‘ Is there someone she’s in love with? Does he have different feelings towards me too? ?’ It has been a tool that seeks answers to questions.
Why couldn’t Julien express his feelings freely when he was so in love with Sophie? What are the factors that cause him to bury his feelings deep in his heart?
Influencing Julien’s life, which emerged after the death of his mother; with the strongest schemas emotional deprivationand abandonment chart are the biggest factors that prevent him from expressing his feelings. How can a little boy who lost his mother afford to lose the most important person in his life now? What if he loses his best friend who is always there for him, who loves and cares? (When schemas take over our lives, surrender to the schemeWhen we are old, we cannot think clearly, we feel the same helplessness that we experienced in childhood intensely in our lives.)
Another factor affecting Julien is that his father doesn’t want him to see Sophie anymore because of his failure in his studies and his crazy life. Unable to receive unconditional love from his father, Julien bowed to his father’s wishes so that he could love him a little. (submission chart) He buried his love in his heart. Although he could not completely remove Sophie from his life, he wanted to remove Sophie from his life for 1 year and they were out of each other’s lives for more than 1 year. Himself to emotional deprivationand to be abandoned has condemned. While you are so afraid of being separated from Sophie, you can’t help but question why he easily removed her from your life, right? This is also schema therapy; with the overcompensation of the schema explains. Fighting the feared emotion, the thought that I will leave before it leaves me, but this does not prevent the same emotions from being experienced, and even causes them to be experienced with the same intensity. In short, during this period, Julien; While playing games with Sophie to find out if he was in love with her from somewhere, he pushed her from somewhere.
Why didn’t Sophie dare to express her feelings freely when she was so in love with Julien? What caused him to bury his feelings deep in his heart?
Sophie’s schemas created by her childhood memories hidden in the templates of her memory prevented her from confessing her love. When we examine how these schemes affect his life secretly; Sophie can never understand or trust whether Julien is taking care of her or playing games. Is he playing games with me?‘ is the question. skepticism scheme I am at work. And he is afraid of his own feelings being revealed. Responds to games with games. Sophie’s to suppress their emotions another reason is that Julien was never accepted by his father. The belief that he felt flawed, unwanted, and therefore unloved, caused him to take control of his life again. This too schema of imperfection and emotional deprivationcaused it to take over his life again.
After more than a year, he forces himself for Julien. He sacrifices himself to win his father’s love, to be the son he wants. (sacrifice chart) and he gets ready to marry a girl as he wants. However, with the arrival of Sophie at the wedding, Julien gives up on her decision. His father does not forgive him, he punishes him by abandoning him. With this pain of abandonment (abandonment scheme)he blames Sophie for this and this time he decides not to see each other for 10 years. (punishment scheme).
So, what will they experience these 10 years? Sophie has been with an athlete she hasn’t shared emotionally with in these 10 years. Thus, its schema to emotional deprivation imprison himself. He wants only one thing to marry; to give him a perfect, flamboyant, luxurious life (high standards chart)which basically makes you feel flawed (fault chart) It’s like a war with everything. But nothing is enough to make Julien forget, every day is a day to meet him.
Julien is at the top of his profession. He has a very profitable job, a wife with whom he cannot establish an emotional connection, and two children that he values very much. He had the life that his father wanted him to have. He made great sacrifices to win his father’s love. (self-sacrifice scheme)Even if he is found, it won’t be enough to bring his father back and all this does not alleviate the emotional loneliness they have. (emotional deprivation scheme).Afraid of being abandoned, the lonely and injured boy is left alone in the crowd with a self-fulfilling prophecy. (abandonment scheme). He has also been someone who looks forward to the passing of 10 years. He expressed this with the following words in the movie: “S I waited for you, Sophie, like a dog waiting for its master.”
And lovers reunite after 10 years play their last game; maybe they hug each other and bury themselves in the concrete pool in order to never be separated again, this is the happiest ending for them, it is eternity…
Why did they choose a happy death rather than a happy life together? Because for them, a happy eternity together is the only cure for their emotional loneliness. (It’s like a rebellion against emotional deprivation schemes.)So that Julien will never be abandoned by Sophie (abandonment scheme);Sophie never ‘Julien, does he really love me?‘ (scheme of skepticism)he will not think.