Divorce Process and Children

Recently, there has been an increase in divorce rates in our country as well as in the world. Divorce, which is a sociological phenomenon, can have many economic, psychological, cultural and social reasons. When the divorce process is viewed from the child’s point of view, not being able to reach the two people with whom he or she bonds equally in the next life may divide the child’s world into two. In terms of parents, divorce; it means rebuilding a life for themselves, forming new relationships with their children and ex-spouse, financial difficulties and a change in social relations. Of course, it will not be easy for family members to get used to this new order because although divorce is a planned decision, it affects people emotionally and psychologically.

The best possible situation from the child’s point of view is an environment where the parties are separated without hostility towards each other, where they can communicate with each other for their children with whom they have common bonds, and where they strive to maintain a positive relationship with their children. Because divorced parents are spouses, not parents. For this reason, the roles of parents continue from where they left off.

What explains the divorce decree to the child?

  • If possible, the divorce decision should be made together when the parents decide together, if not, the process should be explained to the child in a common language. It is important not to give too much detail during the narration and to make explanations suitable for the age level of the child.

  • One of the most important points to be considered while explaining the decision is that the parties avoid making accusatory sentences against each other. Instead of saying ‘we are getting divorced because your father made me very sad’ or ‘because your mother cheated on me’; Without giving details about the incident, you can say ‘we don’t get along as well as we used to and we decided to break up, but this does not prevent us from continuing to be your mother or father, we will always continue to be by your side’.

  • The biggest curiosity of children in the process is what kind of changes will happen in their lives from now on. Who will she stay with, how often she will see her other parent, will her school change, etc. She needs a clear answer.

  • Children need you to tell them that divorce does not mean that one of their parents is completely out of their life, and that you will always continue to love and protect them as a parent. Especially preschool and primary school children may tend to blame themselves for the divorce situation when clear explanations and information are not provided. To avoid this situation After explaining the process, parents should listen to the child’s feelings and thoughts and try to understand their concerns.

Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children

There are numerous studies on this subject. One of the important points where they all converge is that the type and reason of divorce determine how much the child will be affected by this situation. Continuing conflicts between parents in divorced families trigger anxiety and depression in the child. Anger, depression, decrease in school success, fear, etc. mental incompatibilities can be seen during and after the process. However, divorce is not the only factor that negatively affects the psychological adjustment of children, similar effects can be observed in children growing up in a family with conflicts.

Another important point is that after the divorce, the mother-child relationship continues to be more protected, since the child generally lives with the mother, it may resemble the mother-child relationship in married families a little more. On the contrary, the relationship between the child and the father, who cannot share with his father as often as in the past, may be adversely affected. In order to minimize the negative effects in the process, the cooperation of the parents is important. In conflict situations where the parties have difficulty in communicating, getting help from an expert will allow the process to be overcome in a healthier way for both the child and the parents.

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *