Divorce and Children

Divorce brings with it a series of changes that can potentially seriously affect children’s development. Of course, there is no question that divorce inevitably harms children. What matters is how parents cope with the dissolution of their marriage, how they continue their lives and relationships after divorce, and how parents continue to take care of their children. The most important point is how the parents went through the divorce process and after that in order for children to adapt to a situation such as divorce and grow up as healthy adults.

Children need both parents. They learn different things about life from both parents. While a boy learns behaviors such as fatherhood, relationship with the opposite sex, and responsibility from his father; The girl learns from her mother about establishing harmonious relationships with other people, housework, motherhood, and sexual matters. Both children learn from their opposite-sex parent how to establish a non-sexual relationship with the opposite sex. Some divorced couples try to take their passion for each other by using their children as leverage. However, parents who act in this way not only provoke each other more with the other parent and cause their problems to take an unexpected turn, but also inflict the greatest harm on their young children. Children’s ability to develop a healthy self-image and establish lasting and loving relationships with people depends on being close to the most important figures in their lives, namely their parents. In order to achieve this, it is necessary for children to meet regularly with their separated parents and to establish a quality life with their parents.

Things to consider in order to help children adapt to divorce are as follows;

  • To ensure that children understand what it means to live separately and divorce within the unique conditions of the family,

  • Explaining in concrete terms how divorce will affect children in accordance with their age,

  • Making children believe that they will always be loved and cared for in the best way possible,

  • Encouraging and striving for children to maintain a happy and warm relationship with the other parent,

  • To maintain the relationship with the ex-spouse as smoothly as possible,

  • Not criticizing ex-spouses in front of children,

  • Collaborating with the ex-spouse in matters related to children,

  • To make children feel that they are irreplaceable and valuable assets to the parent,

  • Supporting children to get help from people and experts in their social circles,

  • Paying attention to the continuation of the relations of the children with their parents’ relatives and family elders,

  • Not to use children as a tool in frictions between parents, not to use words as a means of conveying words, not to provoke against the other parent,

  • Taking care not to argue in front of children,

  • Not to impose on children on issues such as different opinions, beliefs, etc., and not to try to make them take a stand against the other parent.

How children learn about this situation is also extremely important. How separation and divorce is explained determines how they will respond to the changes in this period. It is a great destruction for children when they wake up one morning to learn that one of their parents has left the house and will not return. For this, parents who decide to divorce should openly discuss this situation with their children with an explanation appropriate for their age and prepare them for the process in front of them. It is also important to note that they are in no way responsible for the problems between the parents and their decision to leave. Because children, especially younger children, feel guilty by holding themselves responsible for this situation. In the parents’ explanations, which parent will leave the house, which parent the child will be with, where the separated parent will live, what he will do, what kind of order will be established with the parent staying together, what will change in the child’s life (home, school, etc.), what will remain the same, what kind of relationship will be made with the other parent from now on. information must be included. This information can help the child get rid of uncertainty and anxiety.

After the divorce has taken place, the meetings with the separate parent should be determined by a joint decision. Knowing when the child will be with the parent he/she lives with and when he/she will see his/her separate parent will make him/her feel comfortable and safe. Care should be taken not to make changes as much as possible on the specified dates. Failure to attend the interview without informing the child may also cause the child to experience abandonment anxiety and not to trust both his parents and other individuals around him in the future.

Divorce causes great changes in the life of the adult as well as the child. It is possible for children to cope with this situation only if their parents can adapt to this situation in a healthy way. For this reason, it is important for divorced individuals to re-establish a social life for themselves.

Parents who have separated from their children’s parents may experience new relationships with the opposite sex. In such cases, these people should not be brought into the lives of children without making sure that the relationship is a permanent one that will last. As with divorce, remarriage also causes major changes in a child’s life. If there is a situation such as marrying a new person and step-parenting the child, the child should not be forced to love the step-parent or to put this parent in the place of the natural parent.

The breakdown of the family causes various emotional reactions in children. Although these reactions vary according to the age of the children, they are often; fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, rejection, regression, sleep problems, self-satisfaction, school problems, physical problems, problems with eating.

Some reactions seen in children may require support from a specialist. The child talks about suicide, harms himself, those around him, animals, becomes clumsy, has serious changes in his habits such as eating and sleeping, regularly recurring behaviors (such as washing hands frequently, touching a certain place, etc.), using alcohol or drugs, In cases such as being sexually active in the early period, it should be considered that the help of a specialist is needed.

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *