DIFFERENT ATTITUDES OF PARENTS AND THE EFFECT OF THESE ATTITUDES ON THE CHILDREN

One of the most basic points in child education is that whatever behaviors parents expect from their children, they should behave in that way and be a model for them. The role that children see from their parents plays the basis of their behavior in the face of various events.

Parental attitudes affect children’s relationships with other people in adulthood, their behavior in professional and school life, their adaptability and choices. Again, one of the factors affecting the character traits of children is the attitude of the parents towards the child, especially in the 0-6 age period. For this reason, the structure of communication between parents and their children, their behavior styles and their attitudes are of great importance.

Yavuzer (1998) states that different parent attitudes can be grouped under 6 headings. These attitudes are as follows;

OPPRESSIVE AND AUTHORITIVE ATTITUDE

Parents with an overly oppressive and authoritarian attitude often display a behavior style that constantly criticizes, punishes, and judges their children. They do not see their children’s efforts, but they take a critical and accusatory attitude at the slightest mistake or mistake. There are many rules that must be followed for them and the child must obey these rules. The dominant and decision-making authority is always the parents. A child who grows up in this way forms an externally controlled personality. It can develop feelings of inferiority. They can become children who constantly cry and rebel. Children who grow up in such an oppressive environment may develop an extremely rebellious or submissive nature. Behavior and adaptation problems may occur, and they may not be able to express their feelings and thoughts easily.

LOOSE ATTITUDE (CHILD CENTRALIZED FAMILY)

Child-centred families are often found in families with children over the middle age, or if the child is the only child growing up in a large group of adults. (Yavuzer, 1998) In such an environment, the dominance rests with the child. His wishes come first and other members of the family unconditionally comply with these wishes.

A child who grows up in a child-centered family environment will develop dissatisfaction over time. A child who does not learn the meaning of the word “no” will continue to increase his wishes. Because from the early stages of his life, the child has developed an expectation that his every wish will be met and that his wishes are in the nature of orders. In this case, he does not respect his parents and if his wishes are not fulfilled, the dosage of his negative reactions increases with age. It becomes inevitable for the child to have problems in the later stages of his life, who make it a habit to do whatever he wants. He has difficulty in adapting to social rules, he sees the right to break the prohibitions. The rules that exist in life areas such as school and work become a burden for him and therefore he may experience failure.

UNBALANCED AND UNDETERMINATED ATTITUDE

Imbalance and inconsistency can be seen in the difference of opinion between parents, as well as in the form of variable behaviors of parents (Yavuzer, 1998).

Parents criticizing each other in the presence of the child, one parent saying no to a child’s request or behavior, and the other parent saying yes are examples of unstable and indecisive attitudes. A single parent’s attention to a rule set for the child, decisions being made by a single parent, and the good cop-bad cop distinction between parents affect the child’s development negatively.

The imbalance and indecision that may arise from the person of the mother or father can be seen as the parent’s saying yes or no to a child’s behavior according to their wishes and needs, or allowing or not allowing. For example, the parent supports the child to play a loud musical instrument when he/she feels good, and gets angry if he/she plays the same musical instrument when he/she feels tired/bad. Or, an example of an unbalanced and indecisive attitude can be given by a parent who cannot make him listen to his child, shouting with an increasing voice, hitting him, and then apologizing and hugging him.

Children who grow up with such an attitude become incapable of knowing how to behave under what conditions. They cannot predict which behavior is appropriate and which behavior is inappropriate. Because the appropriateness or unsuitability of a behavior depends on the parents’ mood rather than the behavior itself. In this case, the child becomes internally restless and may develop an unstable and unstable structure in the future.

INFLUENCED AND IGNORANT ATTITUDE

Indifferent and indifferent attitude means that the parents ignore the child’s wishes and needs, prevent the child from getting emotional satisfaction, and ignore the child and what he does. Such behaviors, which are considered as emotional abuse, cause great harm to the socio-emotional development of the child.

In a family environment where such attitudes persist, there is a communication gap between the child and his parents. The child constantly strives to express himself, to receive attention, but cannot find a response. Studies have shown that the attitude of indifferent and indifferent parents strengthens the aggression tendency of the child. Due to the indifference of the parents, the child may harm the objects and people around him.

EXTREME PROTECTIVE ATTITUDE

Overprotective attitude means that the parent cares and controls the child excessively. The emotional loneliness of the mother lies behind this overprotection, which mostly occurs in the mother-child relationship (Yavuzer, 1998). A mother with this attitude prevents the child from developing self-care skills that go in parallel with his development. So much so that even at the age of 10, the child may turn into a child who eats from his mother’s hand, and may want to sleep with his mother in adolescence.

Children who grow up exposed to such an attitude run the risk of becoming dependent on other people in their adult lives, unable to make their own decisions and gain independence. Self-confidence and social development are damaged in children who are not allowed to make their own decisions and fulfill their self-care skills. A sense of responsibility and consciousness cannot develop.

CONFIDENT, SUPPORTIVE AND DEMOCRATIC stance

A reassuring, supportive and democratic attitude means that parents are tolerant of their children, support them, and allow children to do whatever they want, except for some restrictions. (Yavuzer, 1998)

Parents with a democratic attitude provide an environment where their children can freely express their feelings and thoughts. The fact that the family environment gives the child the opportunity to define his/her self ensures that the child matures in a healthy way.

As a result of the researches, it has been seen that if the parents use the way of persuading their children to supervise their children and have a supportive attitude, children experience a healthy psychosocial development and respond more positively to the expectations of the parents. (Yavuzer, 1995)

Parents with this attitude clearly describe acceptable and unacceptable behaviors and are consistent about them. They draw the necessary boundaries and leave the child free within these limits. The child has the right to speak and is supported to express his/her feelings and opinions. He receives love and encouragement. In this way, the child’s self-confidence develops and the child becomes an adult who is responsible, respectful of the rights and freedoms of others, who can define his own feelings and thoughts and has no difficulty in expressing them.

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