If you have dependent character traits, you think that many things are too difficult to cope with. You feel inadequate in coping with the responsibilities of adult life. You feel an anxiety that you cannot control in decision-making processes and you expect help from those around you to cope with it. You feel stress and uneasiness in tasks that become routine for others. You act with the belief that you do not have a significant part of the skills you need. You always want someone to be around you. You feel that that little child inside you is panicking and needs help on how to cope. Your fear of abandonment has taken over you.
“I don’t think I can live a life without it.” “I can’t fight alone.” “I feel like I’m going to suffocate if I’m left without it.” Thoughts like these are a reflection of one’s patterns of addiction. If you have an addiction background, you will have difficulty in making decisions on your own. You avoid difficulties that you have to deal with on your own. You need support on how to use your coping mechanisms. When you are away from your parents, you lose your sense of self. In your adult life, you often need the support and guidance of your parents.
In your married life, you often take advice from your spouse and expect too much from him to guide you. After the tensions experienced, you cannot bear the distance of your spouse from you and you feel spiritually wounded. You can’t even stand the thought of your partner moving away from you emotionally. Whatever happens, you prefer your partner’s destructive presence to their absence. If you have an addiction background, being exposed to emotional violence alone is not enough for you to end your marriage. You prefer to continue your marriage, even though the damage your marriage has done to you is much greater than the contribution it has made to you. Because no matter what it gives you, you think that you feel your existence with your spouse and you feel that you cannot live a life without him. Even if they have no education, you act out of concern that your partner offers you the best guidance and that you will not be able to find your way without them.
You associate the meaning of your existence with your marriage and your spouse. According to you, a person must be attached to someone and complete his existence with it. You watch with amazement the struggle for life of an individual who is separated from his wife and can stand alone. Because, perhaps, it is not possible for someone who has preferred the absence of their spouse in your schemas to feel spiritually complete. The fear of being left on your own takes precedence over all fears. Sometimes you are emotionally rejected by your partner. You associate his rejecting attitudes with your own behavior and feel guilty as a result.
Even if you need to be separated from your spouse for a while, you cannot tolerate his emotional deprivation and you feel helpless. The painful way of communicating with him; You prefer the comfort of being without it. Although you have been subjected to humiliation, emotional violence, and criticism of your spouse for many years, you prefer to live a common life in order to tolerate the feeling of inadequacy and inadequacy within yourself. However, the basic condition for self-realization is not the dependence we feel on an individual. In the process of building your own self, you should realize your dependent personality traits and make an effort to separate (to be an individual) in a healthy way.