Dependency scheme; I am nothing without you

I am obliged to you, you do not know

I keep your name in my mind like a mih

Your eyes are getting bigger

I am obliged to you, you do not know…”

“Ever since he left my life, I feel empty. It’s like I’ve lost all meaning in my life. I am nothing now.”

“I can’t do anything without him. I don’t know how to live alone.”

“After losing him, I feel like I lost half of my body.”

Man expresses himself with “the other and the other”. This other and the others are the echoes and reflections of our parent and child voices and schemas that have been internalized and found in ourselves. However, in the above expressions, we see the expressions of one of them, the “dependency scheme”.

The dependency schema is the only one in areas such as being over-protected in relationships with childhood parents/caregivers, being hindered in making his own decisions and gaining autonomy, making decisions without giving him the opportunity to do his own work, as well as making decisions and taking action in situations where the child’s age is above their competence. It is seen that it develops in cases of being left alone, not showing the necessary support and not being able to provide guidance. Family first-primary caregivers “overprotection and vulnerability”Possession of identities may lead to the development of an addiction schema for the individual.

People with an addiction schema often say, “I’m clumsy, so I need others.”, “I can’t end my relationship with him, I don’t know what to do without him.” His thoughts are clear. These thoughts are perceived as if this is the reality in people’s daily lives, “addictive realities” often become the reality of the person due to the fact that the person constructs his life according to these realities. The person ties his or her own hands because only in this way can he believe that he is safe, valuable and loved. Our schemas are the most basic materials we use to construct the reality of our lives.

Addiction Scheme In Psychotherapy;

People with this schema generally come to psychotherapy because of the effects of this schema on them. These are often fear, depression, pain in love, loss of a loved one. It is possible for us to see the “other/others” frequently in the sessions, since the dynamic self in the relationships that people with addiction schema establish with themselves and with others makes it an expression, support, and even the purpose and reason for existence.

The main purpose of the addiction scheme is to increase the person’s sense of competence and to improve his relationship with others through establishing bonds, not dependence. Building a self that is self-confident, capable of making decisions, and able to establish healthy and nurturing relationships with others can be daunting at first. However, being alone does not mean being alone with the perception of someone with an addiction schema. As Atilla İlhan writes, being obliged is not loving.

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