Conflict and Cheating in Marriage

Five types of reflections created by spouses unconsciously lead to conflict.

1- Putting in someone else’s place: The spouse’s other spouse is a substitute for someone else with whom he or she has a psychic conflict. In such a case of projection, one of the spouses usually re-experiences the unresolved mental problems and conflicts in childhood through the spouse whom he or she sees fit for that role, resulting in new conflicts. Examples would be a husband who is now experiencing conflicts with his mother in the past with his wife, or a woman who maintains conflicting emotional relationships with her father with her husband.

2-Mirror role: It can be defined as the situation where the spouses want one or more members of the family to be a mirror of themselves. Here, the dominant individual or individuals in the family force others to do so and do not allow contradictions.

3-Ideal self role: It is the desire of a person to see himself in the place of someone he wants to be or not. It is the satisfaction of another member of the family in a situation idealized for him but never realized. It is like the example of a parent who did not have the higher education he wanted or could not choose the profession he wanted, putting pressure on his child for his own ideals.

4-Negative ego role:The individual needs his wife to take a side of himself that he does not like or accept from himself, and he tries to put this into practice in two ways:

a- The role of the scapegoat: The married individual demands that he be blamed by throwing all the bad features that he has but not accepted on his wife.

b- The role of assuming the weak side: The married individual wishes to be in a situation where he can show his weaknesses over his wife and feel strong.

5-Comrade role: The married individual wants to be in parallel with his wife in his thoughts, activities or struggles, that is, the companionship of the spouse and forces him. He chooses a wife who can accompany him and assigns him this role.

Studies focusing on conflict in marriage mention three basic views. The first of these basic views is that they are dependent on each other in many ways and affect each other in various ways; It is inevitable to experience conflict between individuals who have different needs, interests and goals, or who try to achieve these goals through different strategies, even if their goals are the same, and because of limited resources. The second fundamental view is that conflict cannot be treated as “bad” or “good” from the outset; Conflict can be destructive as well as constructive. Conflict; Negative emotions can cause avoidance, rigidity and aggression, as well as change can cause individuals to become closer to each other, adapt and integrate. The last basic view is that conflict is a cognitive operation. This cognitive process; It includes many phenomena such as attitudes, evaluation, tolerance, acceptance of conflict in the relationship, differences in ideas, opinions or goals between spouses, understanding this difference, resolving the conflict, coping with the conflict or conflict management, and as a result, the decrease and increase of emotional intimacy in the relationship. .

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