one of the most important things in life “CONFIDENCE” . Every time we go through difficult times, our trust is tested. There is something I always say. Trust in relationships is not a one-time thing, it always needs to be renewed. When you find out that you have been cheated on, the pain that gnaws at your soul falls right in the middle of your chest as if it will never go away. Now you will be one of those who carry the wound of betrayal in your heart. This betrayal experience brings out all negative emotions at once; anxiety, fear, sadness, surprise, anger. The feeling of being deceived makes one feel helpless. Trust, which seems like it will never be broken, is destroyed by a big earthquake.
Disappointments and abandonment hurt people deeply. Our minds come up with certain strategies to deal with deceptions. One of the common reactions to betrayal is “denial”. We want to deny it, we avoid facing the truth. Another reaction is withdrawal. Because the person feels let down, he withdraws. If I spoke, he would not understand, if he loved, he would not have cheated. As if I don’t care if I say something, thoughts are constantly spinning in our brains and we are out of communication. Another reaction is blame, we blame the person who incited the betrayal, we resent the situation, get angry and seek revenge.
Another passive reaction is that the deceived person begins to blame himself. It wouldn’t have been like this if I hadn’t been nagging, it wouldn’t have been like this if I hadn’t been so upset. With meaningless attacks of jealousy, we suddenly lower our entire self-worth and begin to feel much worse. Crying fits, outbursts of anger, endless interrogations. But you want it to be inside, let everything go back to the old, beautiful as before. For this, you want to give your lover and yourself a chance. You don’t know how to do this. Because there is no trace of confidence left.
Insecurity can shatter our egos. Being alone with deep doubts is bad. However, your love is not over and there may still be hope within you. Can I forgive, can I forget, can it be the same as before? Although it is difficult, it is not impossible to trust again. If you want to give it another chance, a start may be possible when your lover or spouse accepts his mistake and decides to take responsibility, when you want to fix the communication and turn a page again. It should be known that trusting again is a painful and challenging process. In order to survive in a healthy way, you should take a look at the following.
1- Don’t be hasty. Communicate when the period of intense anger subsides and you begin to think clearly.
2- Talk about how you feel. Don’t suppress your emotions. Pressing it makes it stronger. If you can’t talk to your partner, talk to a specialist psychologist.
3- Remember that all the emotions experienced will pass or decrease over time.
4- The deceiving party should accept the wrong behaviors and change their behavior mutually.
5- FORGIVING. Forgiveness does not mean justifying, forgetting, ignoring or covering up negative behaviors. To understand is to accept cause and effect, to be aware.
6- In the thought-emotion-behavior component, the most difficult and last thing to change is emotions. If you can change your behavior and thoughts, your negative feelings will start to disappear over time. Take time for yourself and your relationship.
7- Try to restore trust together. If you cannot overcome it, definitely seek psychological support.