All of our life ties are formed by the relationships we establish with others. Imagine that there is a rope between us and the people we are related to, and there is a rope between them and the people they are related to, you will see that all people are connected to each other by an endless rope. This means that we will feel the impact at one end of the rope at the other end, so we can call it the domino effect. That is why the Islamic scholar and mystic Shams-i Tabrizi, one of the most powerful and important religious figures of all time, speaks precisely of this by saying, ‘If your heart changes, the world will change’. Again, in the basement of Westminster Abbey in England, on the tomb of an Anglican bishop. As I got older and wiser, I realized that the world wouldn’t change. So I decided to limit my dreams a little and just change my hometown. But he didn’t seem to change either. When I got really old, I tried with a last effort to change only my family, those closest to me. But unfortunately I couldn’t accept it. And now, as I lay on my deathbed, I suddenly realized that if I had only changed myself first, I could have changed my family as an example to them. With the courage and inspiration from them, I could take my country further. Who knows, maybe I could even change the world. He writes. Famous writer and philosopher Tolstoy Everyone thinks about changing humanity, but no one thinks about changing himself first.” der. Although these thinkers, who were far beyond the society they lived in, aimed to change the society they lived in with their works and studies, as I mentioned at the beginning, the result they reached on this path was to change themselves.
When you begin to understand that all humanity is connected by an invisible thread, you begin to realize the value you put in life. All of us have an energy field around our bodies, and we communicate nonverbally with our environment through these energies. The nonverbal communication we establish actually affects the other person far beyond words. All of you have had the experience of liking or disliking a person when you enter a setting. These feelings, which you cannot cause, are usually related to the energy frequencies that that person radiates to the outside world. You prefer to be in relationships with people who are more like your own energy. Whatever is positive or negative, good or bad, is actually a reflection of you. In other words, there are people that you dislike, that you hate every time you see them, that you constantly judge, that you criticize, unfortunately, they also symbolize the dark side of your soul. The good news is that the beautiful people you say, who open your heart when you see them shining brightly, reflect a part of you. So, whatever you want to change that you are unhappy with, you must first start from your own energy field.
As a psychotherapist, I have found that my clients are very resistant to taking this responsibility. Even though many people are aware of their contribution to events during therapy, they focus on the other person’s contribution to the event and believe that everything will be okay when he changes himself. Although this type of thought system is common, it is actually a self-defense protection preference. This resistant structure, which I will call the ego, has a greater influence on you than you think. In Freud’s words, the EGO is like a knight on a rampaging horse. He does not want to change and is ready to fight for it. Even though you desire a more peaceful, happy and loving life, your ego is programmed to protect the existing system and resists to the end. He is right, but the ego has strengthened its entire system with environmental conditions, family dynamics and culture since childhood. Just like a perfectionist parent living inside you, he will judge and even punish you while protecting you. Your ego, which has been protecting you for years, may be thinking about your well-being on the one hand, and blocking all your efforts for change, on the other. I am not talking about a life without ego by putting the ego aside and looking out for it, on the contrary, I am talking about understanding the ego and being in peace and harmony with it. You may believe that you know your ego very well, whereas your ego knows you very well. Deep in your subconscious mind recognizes your darkest parts, your wishes, your desires, all your suppressed emotions and tries to keep you in balance. Understanding the ego and working in harmony with it will be a more supportive attitude than trying to ignore and destroy it. Some thinkers and philosophers talk about destroying the ego and silencing it. Inside every person there is an inner wisdom that lies perhaps a little deeper outside of their ego. Some might call it the inner voice, the higher self, the voice of the angels, the universal consciousness, I’d rather call it simply the wisdom within. This inner wisdom and your ego are separated from each other with sharp boundaries, in fact, you just need to know and understand both.
What is EGO? How do you know if your inner voice is your ego or your inner wisdom?
The ego always demands it. He wants to be important, to be valuable, to be respected in the society, to get approval, to control everyone and everything, to be the best, to be successful, to have no obstacles for this. He hopes either in the future or in the past. It doesn’t want change. He constantly compares himself with others, criticizes and judges. The language he uses is a necessity. You hear imperative moods such as – should-have-necessity, expressing oppressive necessity. He usually has an angry, harsh, oppressive attitude. He always blames others and likes revenge. He does not want to suffer, but he wants to keep the attention of those around him with manipulations that involve constant emotional and physical illness and sadness. Death is the greatest fear of extinction. Anxious produces restless dark emotions.
The Sacred Wisdom within you knows that everything and everyone on Earth is interconnected and part of a whole. It does not need external approval. He understands that everything that happens serves the purpose perfectly and is at peace. He always lives in the moment, enjoys life. He is open to change, gives pain and law the importance they deserve, and lives it in a healthy way, his language is soft, quiet and gentle. The harder the ego is, the more repressive and repetitive, the more gentle, kind, and gentle on our wise side. When you seek his guidance, he will communicate with you in the language of love. It produces loving, peaceful, merciful, peaceful feelings.
When you start listening to your inner voices, you start to become an expert on your own. Although it is difficult to distinguish between your ego and your wise inner voice at first, you will be able to do this easily in the future. Although meditating, of course, accelerates your personal transformation and strengthens your connection with the knowledge within you, I know that this is not possible for many of you. That’s why I’m going to talk about living life as meditation.
Thinker osho, whom The Sunday Times magazine considers one of the 1000 deities of the 20th century, Meditation means awareness. Everything you do with awareness is meditation. It’s not the action, it’s the quality you add to your action. If you walk on alert, walking can be a meditation. Sitting can be a meditation if you sit on alert. Listening to birds can be a meditation if you are listening with awareness. If you are alert and observant, simply listening to the voice inside your head can be a meditation. he actually talks about living life as meditation. Even if it is not in your every action, stop for a moment, watch yourself as if you are outside of yourself, and focus on your feelings for a minute. Are you angry, does your anger actually stem from your fear? Just be an observer and watch whatever is inside you at that moment. Now you are your own expert and have a chance to make a unique observation. Live every moment of your life by feeling, watching and knowing, so you will be able to distinguish which inner voice comes from the ego and which inner voice comes from the wise source within you, and in time you will be able to do this very quickly.
To live in a meditative state means to love oneself very much. To love his mind, to love his body, is to love everything that belongs to him. A person who knows his own mind and body cannot belong to any ideology and cannot be a prisoner of any prejudice and fanaticism belonging to groups. What I present to you is a completely new style of meditation. I am talking about living life meditatively, I am not telling you that meditating at certain times of the day is not efficient, of course you can benefit, but many of you will not. The ego will always go against meditation and listening to your mind. Beyond silencing the ego, I’m talking about listening to its voices and exploring its methods. One’s journey beyond oneself is only harmony and love, not war with enmity and anger. It may even be your own ego that you are angry with, that you are angry with, that you are fighting against, whereas when you follow your mind step by step with a developed awareness capacity, you will approach your darkest aspects of your emotions to your own truth. You should know that discovering your own light will also destroy your own darkness. And the good news is that this transformation you will create in yourself can happen faster than you think. Most people believe it’s impossible, and it’s very easy to believe that you are what you are at 7, at 70. whereas when I call enlightenment awareness you can always find an excuse for it. Excuses are also a defensive tactic of your ego. Forget everything else and play this easy game yourself. Listen to your mind as an observer, just listen to the voices of your mind, whatever comes to your mind, even if they are nonsense. It’s like a child singing loud jumbled songs trying to make himself heard while you’re chatting with a friend. He will keep yelling and babbling until you can hear him. When you listen to him, he will no longer have to shout and bullshit and he will express himself much more creatively and pleasantly.
When a person’s awareness of himself increases, he begins to get rid of the influence of his ego and discover his inner world, his mind. When you reach your secrets in the labyrinths of your own mind and begin to face your darkest sides, your ego no longer becomes an obstacle but a support.
The human mind accumulates all its experiences, although this is a positive situation, the accumulation of too many negative memories causes the person to develop a general sensitivity towards life. Now his mind perceives all life events within the framework of these negative experiences, which is a subjective interpretation of reality. The mind is so entangled with negative experiences that it can react unreal to even the smallest events. Someone whose emotional wounds from the past are still open is in the prison of the painful past. And in reality he cannot take responsibility for the present. One of my clients, who was abandoned by her mother at a young age, interpreted the pain of her boyfriend who left her as the pain of death and could not get rid of the effects of this abandonment for years. Probably the concepts of abandonment and separation were interpreted in his mind within the framework of his traumatic memory with his mother. When he realized this, the effect of this relationship, which should have ended anyway, was different. So this cluster of memories that took the present life out of his consciousness was even more influential on his present life than he thought. Once he understood this connection, it started to heal itself in the process.
Although human self-development is the subject of numerous studies, there are still various views on how it is formed and shaped. Most research suggests that self-development is substantially completed in the early stages of childhood. All mental confusion and relational entanglement occurs when people who do not know themselves well enough and do not know who they are, give vague feedback to all people they are in a relationship with. Especially those who cannot receive clear feedback from the people they trust and attach to the most in childhood tend to live and maintain these relationships in their adult lives. Understanding and realizing one’s self requires complete independence, real autonomy. That is, I’m talking about the capacity to follow one’s own values without needing anyone else. Often our own autonomy occurs within the limits of the authority of others within the hierarchical structure of the culture and or the system in which you live. While it is difficult to set your own independent limits in a system that has more power and resources than you, on the other hand, keeping up with this more powerful system and transferring all control to this system may be the first and easy choice for most people. A person with a healthy self-structure understands their own wishes, interests and needs, regardless of everything, and accepts them as they are. Without being caught in the thought of the past or the future, it accepts everything that is now and now as it is and becomes aware of itself.