Being Destructive in Conflicts

Conflicts are inevitable when it comes to romantic relationships. Contrary to popular belief, a healthy relationship is not one without conflicts. It is the attitudes, behaviors and patterns during the conflict rather than the existence of conflicts that harm the relationship and the individual. During the conflict, we see that some couples react that sustain and exacerbate the conflict, while others avoid fighting. Or we witness that couples who try to understand, appease and reconcile each other gain from conflicts.

What does it mean to be destructive in conflict?

Attitudes and behaviors during conflict constructive and destructive handled as. When we examine destructive conflict resolution styles threat, avoidance, domination, blame, and mockery We often see their behavior. These behaviors, which are considered destructive, cause negative feelings as a result of conflict and at least one of the partners is not satisfied with the result. Examples of destructive conflict styles include trying to impose one’s own point of view, avoiding any discussion, or surrendering to one’s partner by ignoring their own needs.

If we consider these examples;

don’t compete, Although it includes assertiveness towards solving problems, it is aimed at suppressing the partner. An individual using the competitive style is not open to cooperating with his partner. As expected, these individuals do not feel the same desire for their partners to have their own wants and needs met. For those who use this style, winning as a result of conflict is enough for them to be satisfied. For this reason, all the words and actions that can be said in order not to give in during the conflict are tried. The personality of the partner in the competitive process attacking, criticizing, insulting, mocking and imitating often used. In short, this approach, which is based on putting pressure on another and advocating the superiority of one’s own ideas, is far from empathy and mutual satisfaction.

Avoidance In style, unlike competition, there is no initiative to solve the problem. There is neither a step nor a light of motivation for the resolution of conflicts and unrest. There are many issues that need to be discussed; however, an individual who uses the avoidance style does not want to address both himself and his partner’s wishes and complaints. In general, when a discussion environment arises, he prefers to withdraw, not to talk about the problem, to leave the environment and to remain silent. Being introverted and avoiding arguing in this way is actually like building a wall in a relationship. As the person moves away from talking about his problems, he also moves away from his partner.

Similar to the avoidance style, adapt There is no motivation to solve problems in his style either. However, in order to make the partner happy, a false cooperation draws attention. Although it seems like cooperation is being made, what actually happens is to surrender to the wishes of the partner, not to defend his own rights and wishes, and not to exist in the relationship. People who use the adaptive style do not think much about their own wishes and limits or do not express them. The priority is the needs of the partner and the end of the conflict as soon as possible. For this reason, they prefer to calm their partners, keep up with their partners, and take care of their partners during conflict. Although they think they are good partners because they do not fuel the fire, the desires and emotions they suppress will one day visit their relationship.

So far, we have discussed being destructive in conflicts. “ How to be constructive in conflicts?” and ” Why is it important to be constructive in conflict? We will look for answers to these questions in the next article. Until then, let’s all think about the times when we clung to destructive attitudes during conflict and the effects of destructive attitudes on our relationship. Thus, the next article will be a guide for incorporating constructive conflict resolution styles into our lives.

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