Being able to say no (teaching how to say no)

When someone makes a request or expresses their wishes. One has to decide whether or not to do what they say. The ability of the person to realize this proposal is a priority situation, whether it conflicts with the person’s priorities or not. People have the right to make decisions based on their own priorities and to refuse or reject what is desired by others without feeling selfish or guilty. Considering that the problems of children who use substances or at risk are increasing due to their inability to say “No”, it becomes clear how important it is to develop effective and safe ways to cope with demands and offers, that is, to gain the skills of saying no.


1-To teach him to compare the proposal made to him with his own priorities, needs and desires.

2- Teaching ways to say no

3 To teach how to refuse a proposal without feeling uncomfortable.

4-To enable him/her to use this skill widely in his/her daily life.


1- Ask him why he should reject the suggestions made to him and allow him to express his ideas.

a-Do the requests or suggestions made conflict with what they want to do? “How much time does he want to spend on what?”

b- The person making the request may have a bad record in the youth. He may have made many requests before and not returned to him. We can talk about the benefits and harms of giving the opportunity to someone who always treats him in a certain way and who is angry with this attitude.

c- The current emotional state of the young person may not be suitable for fulfilling that request.

At the end of these discussions, give a brief summary of the conversations.

2-Teaching to say no

If he can’t say that simple word when he wants to say “no”, which is not always easy, show that you empathize with his or her difficulty, affirming that it’s not always easy. Say that we’ve all had situations from time to time when we couldn’t say no to friends or loved ones. Help her see that she’s starting to lose control of her life. Choose one of the situations in which he cannot say no and focus on where it takes him, both behaviorally and emotionally.

The consequences of not saying no,

a-He gets away from his most important priorities. Doing things he doesn’t want will steal his energy and time from the things he actually wants to do.

b- He may hate himself for his weakness over time, as he will begin to lose self-respect.

c- Since he cannot act clearly and openly to others, others will have different thoughts about him, which will create an angle between himself and the way he reflects, which will disturb him.

d- Their resentments and resentments will accumulate. If he allows someone else to exploit him, he will eventually be able to overreact when someone asks him for something very small.

3 -To be able to reject the proposal without feeling uncomfortable

Express that people usually feel great discomfort when they reject other people’s requests and offers, and state that this feeling is not just their own. I stayed) need to rationalize. We should question whether there is evidence to support these thoughts.

Considering the long-term consequences, show from examples from his own life that the discomfort he will feel from the consequences of not rejecting it even though he wants to will be much worse than the short-term discomfort he feels when he says no.

4- Pay attention to your body language, tone of voice, body posture, eye contact and facial expressions. teach him to use it to indicate what he wants. If there is a clear gap between what he is saying and his body language expression, show that this will encourage the other person to continue to press him.

If the other person continues to insist, if he continues to make his demands and suggestions, and if he continues to increase his requests and insist, tell him to repeat his “no” in a cold blooded way, not to aggravate the situation by intimidating with facial expressions by increasing his tone of voice, and to maintain his calm and determined attitude. Emphasize that she should try to maintain her reaction in the same calm demeanor until the other person gives up and leaves.

5-Sometimes he may want to compromise . Although he does not want to do everything that is asked of him or spend as much time as is demanded, he can settle for some of it. He can make changes in some of the things that are asked of him. If he really wants to help the other person, he can make a compromise, but this should not turn into a compromise if you do it and I will do it.

6- There is a huge difference between accepting something by choice and accepting something by forcing it. If doing a job is a burden to the young person. If he finds it difficult to do his job but still thinks it’s important to have that friendship or activity to accept some discomfort, he’ll still ‘ ‘Yeah”There is nothing wrong with saying.

7- However, it should be noted that it will be a problem for him to say yes when his main purpose is to say no. In order not to fall into such a situation, state that showing that you understand the other person’s feelings or the situation they are in will facilitate their rejection, such as “I understand that you are very cheerful and active today and it will be fun for you to see that movie, but I do not feel well.”) They say that people are listened to and taken seriously. Show him or her that they will accept rejection with less resentment when they feel it.

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