Are you shy?

Most people feel shy in certain situations, but in some situations shyness can be so compelling that it can hinder one’s self-development. According to Vilhauer (2016), shy people want to be close with others, but they are so afraid of being criticized and rejected; They avoid social activities. Fortunately, social skills, like other skills, can be developed over time.

Here are four ways to increase your own social effectiveness:

1. Plan.

One of the ways to reduce anxiety is to shift thinking from fear of doing wrong to a plan for success.

Think about the things you have in common with other people at a social event, the things you feel safe about. Establish an avoidance strategy in the worst-case scenario. Feeling in control will give you courage.

2. Focus on others.

At a social event, try to shift your focus away from yourself and to others. Focus on people; Think about why you are in the same environment, your interests, hobbies. Being curious about these can be a good opportunity to open new topics. Being a listener can be good for you, and people love to talk about themselves.

3. Give yourself a role.

A person can feel professional and self-confident in areas where he is very successful and talented. Outside of these areas, they may not know what their roles are and may lose their self-confidence. Having a role can make you feel better. For example, imagine that your role is to be a good listener. Choose a job for yourself; How would it make you feel to make people feel welcome, to make them feel welcome?

4. Soften your inner dialogue.

Shy people are often prone to harshly criticizing themselves. When you criticize yourself, you think others will criticize you in the same way. This can hurt your self-confidence.

Be your own lawyer. Think about the good qualities about yourself and prepare a defense to your critical inner voice through your “attorney”. Tell him how valuable you are and that the most important thing is to love yourself. Remember, the more you try, the more your skills will improve.

If you think you can’t get through these processes alone, consider getting professional support.

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