Adolescent and love

In every period and culture, the desire of young people to make friends and to be successful in maintaining this relationship has been their greatest goal and need. Chosen friends have always been of primary importance to young people, even if they do not meet the criteria of their parents. Peer relationships, which contribute to shaping the worldview in adulthood, are important for young people in terms of providing both social support and relationship experience. The need for intimacy, the need for security and the need to relieve anxiety, which a person needs throughout his whole life; It is tried to be solved with the peer group included according to criteria such as age, gender, social class or leisure time activities, interests. Talking about issues that cannot be talked about with parents, sharing secrets, the need for unconditional approval, and the feeling of trust given by being in a group increase the importance given to peers in adolescence. In the early stages of adolescence, groups of friends of the same sex are replaced by groups of the opposite sex over time, turning into a large group of friends.

The dating relationship, which is as important as friendship relations with the adolescence period, has been experienced with different boundaries in every period and culture and has always managed to maintain its importance in human life. Sharing, which started with the love-poetry relationship in the past and continued with the diary books and survey books, is actively experienced through social media today. It should not be forgotten that the conflicts between parents and adolescents regarding the duration of phone and computer use are in fact an effort to maintain the youth’s belonging to the group they belong to and to preserve the dating relationship. Like all these, games among peers (such as truth-dare) can be found in shopping malls, cafes, etc. Parties and gatherings at places are also forms of socialization that help boys and girls adjust to each other and learn appropriate interaction skills. All these efforts are actually a reflection of the youth’s search for identity.

The rapprochement between peers, which started in social groups, eventually leaves its place to sharing with flirting. Sharing the internal conflicts experienced during the youth period increases this need for intimacy even more. The energy directed to different areas during childhood is channeled into dating relationships with the effective activation of testosterone and estrogen hormones with puberty. This situation makes the relationship that is or will be experienced with dating even more important. Increasing interest in dating relationships during adolescence and young adulthood allows the young person to get to know himself and the other. With all these experiences, increasing the ability to start, maintain and end the relationship is of great importance in terms of development and helps to develop a positive self-perception. (Ünlü (2004). In addition, a healthy dating relationship allows them to separate from their parents and be autonomous, express themselves as adults, take a step towards adulthood (Gray & Stenberg, 1999), gain experience in interpersonal relationships with equal status (Collins, 2003), romantic It also helps them to communicate comfortably during the relationship and to have self-confidence in this regard (Bouchey, 2007).

Young people experience gender roles, sharing life, competition, partnership, social skills, values ​​and goals with the flirty acts they perform, within the limits allowed by the family structure and culture in which they grew up, and sometimes by exceeding these limits (Horroks 1965).

It is one of the most debated issues how much dating relationships in different cultures and different times vary. Studies show the effect of cultural characteristics on peer relationships and romantic relationships. The perceptions, beliefs and values ​​of the people who make up the social environment and the culture in which they live, regarding gender and sexuality also have a significant impact on the youth. The diversity in these effects is one of the determinants of how and to what extent flirty relationships will be experienced. In the same society and culture, the constantly and rapidly changing social and cultural structure, depending on technological changes, can change the way in which relations are exhibited. While this change sometimes helps the young person to gain the courage that allows him to realize himself, from time to time it can support his risky behaviors by showing too much courage.

In researches on the subject; The attitudes and behaviors of American and Chinese college students regarding dating were examined and it was found that American adolescents are more liberal than those living in China, while the average age of dating is 14 in the United States and 18 in China (Tang & Zuo, 2000).

It has been revealed that in America, more than half of young people start dating around the age of 16, most of them have their first sexual experience around the age of 17, and more than 75% of them have active sex lives at the age of 19.

In our country, families have important effects on adolescents’ peer and romantic relationships, and they usually react to their youth’s dating/dating behavior when they (could) learn. It is one of the results of studies that more than half of the families intervene in the friendship relations of the young people and that this intervention interferes more with the girls’ relationships than the boys, and this is mostly done by the mother (Çevik, 2008).

According to Diyarbekirli (2007), who investigates the cultural and temporal differences in dating relationships; It has been observed that there is no significant difference between the dating relationship of today’s adolescence women and adult women’s dating relationships in adolescence according to the age, duration, and number of dating relationships experienced by adult women in adolescence.

Differences have emerged in the activities that adult women and adolescent women perform with the person they are dating. It has been determined that adolescent women give more importance to the physical characteristics of the person they are dating than adult women. It has been found that the sexual behaviors experienced in the dating relationship are more intense and comfortable in the relationships experienced by the adolescent women.

Contrary to what many parents fear, most adolescents in early romantic relationships do not take action to meet commitment or even sexual needs (Messina (2003). In this period, the effort to experience a sense of comfort and security within the group is a priority. However, parents often encourage their children to become close to the opposite sex in adulthood. During this period, mothers experience more anxiety than fathers, who have a feeling of powerlessness to carry and control the emotional distress they experience with their mothers, as young people share their emotional distress about their relationships with their mothers more than their fathers. They engage in more monitoring and controlling behaviors towards the youth and their relationships.

Inappropriate control methods applied by parents in order to prevent their young people from harming themselves and to enable them to become adults with a developed sense of responsibility can sometimes cause the relationship to wear out more and the young people to be more self-destructive by being stubborn. These harms can manifest themselves on a wide scale, starting with a decline in academic achievement and ending with suicide. Because adolescence is the most courageous period in human life.

The dating relationship, which has proven to be beneficial when lived under normal conditions, can turn into a very risky situation by changing its dimension, especially with some relational problems to be experienced with the family. The emotions that parents reflect on their young people and their related behaviors are of great importance on the basis of the fact that young people are not ready both physically and emotionally, can harm themselves and others, and can keep their risky behaviors under control. Of course, the society that does not end only with parents can not engage in activities other than flirting with young people, with the expectation that they only need to study in the expectation of academic success, depriving them of environments where they can discharge their overflowing energies and not being offered opportunities to produce is also effective in the increase of risky behaviors. The fact that young people who only flirt and can only connect through their flirts, who are not invested except for sexuality and taught learned love with all kinds of stimuli, experience their most natural emotions out of control and without limits, also brings serious risks.

Research has been conducted on the relationship between depression, which is one of these risks, and especially romantic relationships during youth. Along with the depressive moods specific to the period; The depressive affect caused by the feelings of exclusion or unpreference that can be experienced in the dating relationship increases with the absence of dating, leaving the date or leaving the date (Steinberg & Davila, 2008).

The dating relationship, which is met in the early period without being ready both physically and emotionally, can cause young people to be more courageous about new trials. Bold steps taken without being prepared can also lead to hurtful results.

Young people, who experience distance from their fathers due to different reasons in the family, have difficulties in taking responsibility in their dating relationships (Erdoğan, 2004). They have lower self-confidence in their relationships. Exactly here, parents and especially fathers, who try to keep their distance from their young people in order to act/appear more authoritative, keep their young people away from themselves by staying unfamiliar with the emotions experienced by young people, and by trying to discipline them by giving advice, giving advice, judging and questioning. With this emotional distance, she cannot recognize her young person and misses the chance to give the right reaction in time to possible risks that the young person may face. The young person in this situation may feel alone and make the mistake of getting support from the wrong people he thinks are with him.

In particular, the authoritarian attitude of female adolescents that they perceive as being rejected and the feeling of rejection they experience causes them to need the support of others more and to make more efforts in dating relationships to get rid of the expectations that they will be rejected again. (Erözkan (2007). Fear of rejection, the need to be preferred, and the anxiety of being alone bring the risk of taking steps they don’t want/are not ready for just because they want to date early.

It is also found that the girls who do not perceive enough warmth and love from their mothers in their childhood need more flirting in adulthood and tend to start dating.

Young people who experience inconsistency in their family structure and who are mistreated are quickly pushed into dating relationships due to their unmet need for intimacy and feelings of rejection, and they transfer their sense of attachment to their families to their peers in an immature way. At the end of this immature transfer, they can commit violent behaviors towards each other and find themselves experiencing violence in their dating relationships. Jealousy is the most obvious reason among the reasons for violence and discussion.

Young people will be more protected against possible risks in family environments that recognize the young person, can use the right border methods since childhood, are felt unconditionally accepted, have a voice especially in the decisions that concern them, and a democratic family structure can be applied. Young people who can share their troubles with their parents, live in environments where love and trust can be transferred without being questioned, judged, compared, independent of anxiety and fear, will also be able to protect themselves from all kinds of dependent and troubled relationships by loving and trusting themselves.

Peer and dating relationships are as important a source of support as medicine for the treatment of the hurt feelings of young people, who all adults see their right to criticize in any environment and situation, and for them to overcome other period-specific problems. Young people who experience the unconditional acceptance of their families, who are offered opportunities to discharge their accumulated energies and express their creativity, who feel unconditionally loved and respected, who learn timely and correct sexual information, succeed in not taking unprepared steps without harming themselves and the other, and are healthy, satisfied with their peers and peers who carry them to the future. will be able to live dating relationships in accordance with human nature.


* Collins, WA (2003). More than myth: The developmental significiance of romantic relationships in adolescence. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 52, 25-42

* Demir, O. N., Baran, GA and Ulusoy, D. (2005). Relationships During Adolescence: An Overview of Peer and Romantic Relationships. Adolescents’ Relationships with Friends-Peer Groups and Deviated Behaviors in Turkey: Ankara Sample. Ankara.

* Diyarbekirli, H. (2007). Comparison of dating relationships of adolescent and adult women in adolescence. Unpublished master’s thesis, Ankara University Institute of Educational Sciences, Ankara.

* Erözkan A. (2007). Examination of university students’ sensitivity to rejection and social anxiety levels according to some variables. Selcuk University Journal of Social Sciences Institute, 17, 225-240.

* Eryılmaz, A. & Ercan, L. (2011). Romantic Intimacy Initiation and Perceived Control in Emerging Adulthood. Eskişehir Osmangazi University Faculty of Education, Gazi University, Faculty of Education, GU, Journal of Gazi Faculty of Education, Vol 31, Number 2 (2011) 359 * Gray, M., & Steinberg, L. (1999). Unpacking authoritative parenting: Reassessing a multiddimensional construct. Journal of Marriage on the Family, 61,574-587. * Hatipoğlu, S.(2010) Dating Violence Prevalence Survey in Baskent University Students. Specialization Thesis. Ankara. Baskent University Faculty of Medicine, Department of Forensic Medicine * Krich, A. (2005), Anatomy of Love (Compilation Book), Translated by Harmancı Mehmet; Compiled by: Say Publications ,Istanbul. * Öztürk E., (2013) Sociology of Love in the Process of Socio-Historical Perspective Analysis Research Criticism Cinius Publications. Istanbul. * Şakiroğlu M., (2012). I love you Love. The Meaning of Change in Adolescence Growth. Turkish Family Health and Planning Foundation spring. Istanbul. * Türkoğlu İ.E.,(2013) Investigation of Perceived Parental Acceptance-Rejection in Childhood and Social Competence Beliefs in Relationship with the Opposite Sex According to University Students’ Dating Behaviors Master’s Thesis. Adana. Çukurova University Institute of Social Sciences, Department of Educational Sciences. * Tang, S. & Zuo J., (2000). Dating attitutes and behaviors of American chineese college students. The Social Science Journal, 37, 67-78. * Famous, V. (2004). Social competence expectancy scale in relationship with the opposite sex. Unpublished master’s thesis, Çukurova University Institute of Social Sciences, Adana

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