Rapport; It can be defined as the ability of an individual to establish a balanced relationship between his/her self and the environment he/she is in and to maintain this relationship.
As rapid social, technological, economic and scientific changes and developments occur day by day, new and new conditions that the individual must comply with are increasing. It is a fact that this situation also increases incompatibilities. It is seen that the mismatched children of school age correspond to 2% of our population.
When the negative effects of the immediate environment are added to the natural difficulties brought by the developmental stages, the child may often experience emotional disorders as a reaction to them. We call these negative reactions “Adjustment Disorders”.
Personality is developed by solving many problems and overcoming obstacles, even in the most suitable environment. On the one hand, the child adapts to his environment by gaining new abilities and new skills, on the other hand, he encounters new problems as a requirement of development. Coping with these problems depends on creating a positive environment, trusting, understanding and loving approaches. The child who cannot find this environment becomes insecure. He is overwhelmed by complex emotions, thoughts and contradictions. According to his own age level, he enters into complex emotions according to his level of development. He does not believe or trust those around him, under the suspicion that no one loves or wants him. Acts unnecessarily to attract the attention of adults. Since these behaviors continue to a certain extent at first, they do not disturb the family and the environment. After a certain limit, the child’s behavior deteriorates and the problem of adaptation to the environment arises. At the beginning of such disorders, there is constant irritability, irritability, incompatibility, lying, quarrelsomeness, disobedience, anxiety and fear. As the age gets older, such behaviors turn into family and social adjustment disorder.
It shows behavioral disorders such as truancy from home, school, theft, constant rebellion, aggression, pickpocketing, drinking alcohol, breaking the rules, fighting, destroying, carrying knives and guns, and wounding.
Causes of Incompatibility
one. Extends: It is true that heredity has an effect on the emergence of incompatibility. However, by preparing a suitable educational environment, it can either be eliminated or its degree can be reduced.
2. Physical causes: Blindness, strabismus, heavy hearing, hunchback, lameness, obesity, permanent and chronic diseases, sudden accidents and shocks. This type of physically handicapped person is not the cause of incompatibility per se, it causes the negative attitudes and behaviors of those around the child towards this disability.
3. Not satisfying basic needs:We can divide these needs into three.
a) Biological needs; nutrition, shelter, clothing, breathing, excretion, rest, and minimal feeding.
b) Psychological basic needs; the need to love-to be loved, the need to learn, the need to be protected from fear-anxiety and insecurity, the need to be successful, the need to be respected.
c) Social basic needs; the need for friendship, belonging to a group, status, prestige, independence.
If the above-mentioned needs are not satisfied, the possibility of adjustment disorder is high.
4. Environmental and socio-economic factors:
a)Family environment: Neglect of the child, not meeting his needs, excessive love and tolerance, lovelessness and intolerance, arguments by parents in front of the child, quarrels leaving the house, expulsion, beating and cursing may cause disharmony.
b) The close environment of the child: It is affected by the love and behavior of the friends and elders with whom the child plays with each day. In addition, watching TV, theater, cinema affects the child. If he sees the good and the beautiful, he is positively affected; however, if intolerance is found in an atmosphere of distrust, there can be disharmony.
c)School: Failure to meet the child’s psychological and social needs at school can lead to the emergence of many adjustment disorders.
5. Incorrect education: The child can learn what is happening in and around him/herself and the demands of the society with an appropriate education. With an appropriate education, the child should be introduced to his/her interests and abilities beforehand, and then the environment and society’s value judgments. He should be taught where, how to behave, how to solve his problems. Fulfilling or limiting all the desires of the child causes the development of various incompatibilities.
As well as diagnosis, treatment of children with problems requires a long and meticulous study. In this study, as well as the parents with patient and effective approaches, the responsibilities fall on the specialist pedagogue, child psychiatrist and clinical psychologist.
BEHAVIORS IN NON-COMPATIBLE CHILDREN
1. Has nervous movements.
2. They are restless and disturbed.
3. Muscle twitches are seen.
4. They are indifferent to school work.
5. They are frequently absent from school.
6. They don’t like school.
7. They are jealous.
8. They like to compete.
9. They bite their nails.
10. They are careless.
11. They are intolerant of criticism.
12. They are game changers.
13. They get frustrated easily.
14. They are in constant tension.
15. Frequent tremors.
16. They always defend themselves.
17. They play often.
18. They resist authority.
19. They like to brag.
20. They do not like their peers.
21. They lie.
22. They complain about their illness chronically.
23. They say that they were oppressed by their fathers.
24. They show tantrums.
25. They become joyless and lonely.
26. They become shy, fearful, timid, anxious.
27. They have hallucinations (acting as if something does not exist).
28. He throws problems that he cannot solve.
29. They do not like to work with others.
30. Does not trust himself, sees his ideas as worthless, has a feeling of inferiority.
31. Sighing, hair curling and pulling is common.
32. They shout and call unnecessarily.
CLASSIFICATION OF COMPLIANCE PROBLEMS
one- BEHAVIOR DISORDERS
. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
. Children Who Steal
. Children Running From Home
. Children with Sleep Disorders
. Children with Eating Problems
2- HABIT DISORDERS
. Bottom Soak (Enoresis)
. Fecal Incontinence (Encopresis)
. Nail biting
. Tick Children
. Thumb Sucking
3- EMOTIONAL DISORDERS
. Angry Children
. Aggressive Children
. Jealous Kids
. Children Who Lie
. School Phobia
. Shy Kids
1- BEHAVIOR DISORDERS
one- ATTENTION DEFICIT AND HYPERACTIVITY
Children are generally lively, active and full of life. They play, run and jump all day long. They are constantly doing something in the form of a commute. They don’t know what it is to be tired. As if playing outside is not enough, they often play running and jumping games at home, which annoys their mothers. Most children seem to have unlimited energy. They rush around quickly to consume this energy.
To understand hyperactive children, let’s imagine a new, shiny car. The driver of this car drives the car downhill by pressing the gas, takes the corners with the wheels squeaking and continues on his way at full speed. Then the driver wants to stop the car, but cannot slow it down. This car has everything, but no brakes. The car can go off the road at any time. It can even smash into places.
Here is the situation of children with ADHP; it’s a nice sports car, it has a good engine (strong thinking ability), but the car has no brakes. ADHD is a developmental disorder in behavior that begins in infancy or before the age of 5 years.
Symptoms; not being able to take instructions, not being able to control oneself, not being able to go to problem solving, not being able to evaluate one’s behavior, acting without thinking. A child’s attention span is shorter than his age and intelligence requires.
These children intelligence is normal but their attention is insufficient. This causes them to encounter learning problems at school.
ADHD affects four areas of life;
· Social relations
Mobility is often a problem in the first ten years. Mobility decreases with age.
Attention is unimportant in the first years of life, it becomes important during the school years, and the attention span becomes longer as the child grows.
Social relationships and emotional life are more active in adulthood.
In our country, often hyperactive children are “too smart, so they can’t sit still.” and children were not considered to have a real problem. Whenever a child starts school and learning problems arise, parents begin to worry about their children.
Symptoms of Hyperactive Children
There are three main symptoms:
one. Lack of attention: Children cannot focus their attention on a particular subject. They cannot concentrate in activities such as reading, listening to someone, playing games. Even if they collect for a short time, they are quickly distracted by any sound, movement, smell, or any other subject on their mind. Attention deficit can be seen alone or in combination with hyperactivity. Inactive, sluggish children may also have a lack of attention.
2. Hyperactivity: It literally means hyperactivity. Not every active child is hyperactive. They are innately energetic and their movements are harmonious, purposeful and sustained. The mobility of children with ADHD is arbitrary and aimless. Since they cannot control their reactions to the environment, they exhibit a stray activity.
3. Inability to control impulses: They act without thinking, they think by talking. He runs after the ball into the street, not paying attention to the cars; While running around the room, he bumps into a flower pot and knocks it over. Even if he understands the question correctly, he chooses the wrong answer because he answers without thinking. Because they do not listen to what is being said, they do not know what they themselves want; therefore they cannot be disciplined.
Mood changes, quarrelsome, irritable, insatiable, impatient, quickly disappointed and often cry, quickly gets excited, often gets up and walks around. Does not obey the rules of school and family.
one.It comes naturally.
2.It is one of the structural features.
3.Traumas during pregnancy, birth and early childhood accelerate the formation.
4.Controversy continues regarding the lack or excess of some vitamins and the effect of some foodstuffs on trace elements such as zinc.
5.Having people in the family who have problems with rules and prohibitions, behaving inconsistently and changing jobs frequently contribute to the development of this disorder in the child.
WHEN IT Arises:
one.It usually starts to show itself after the age of 3, but it attracts attention with learning problems in the first years of school.
2. In some, it manifests itself in infancy. Sleep, eating disorders, restlessness.
WHAT TO DO?
one.When a disorder is suspected, a child psychiatrist should be consulted.
2.From the age of 6, drug treatment is applied and success is over 80%.
3.Cooperation should be made with School Guidance Services or Guidance and Research Centers.
THINGS TO DO AS A PARENT:
Identify the things that your child has difficulty in doing and the strengths and differences from other children. This will guide you through what you can do.
Everyone living in the house should know exactly what the child’s problem is.
While determining your expectations for your child, you should not go overboard and make your child tired. You shouldn’t compare with other kids.
If your child pretends not to listen to you and ignores you, make eye contact and start talking.
When doing school assignments, reduce study time, take short breaks.
When you see that your child is struggling or getting into trouble, encourage him to reduce tension and curb his anger, reduce his workload.
Talk to him about the behaviors that you definitely do not want to be done and the behaviors that you can allow and be determined.
Give your child clear, short and precise instructions.
Help them participate in social or sporting activities outside the home.
Assign small responsibilities at home.
Try to establish and maintain cooperation with the doctor, family, and teacher.
The issue of stealing arises from the failure of the family environment to teach children the necessary concepts and habits to respect property and the property of others.
The child attempts to appropriate or use the item that he/she likes or is interested in without thinking. Not every stealing incident should be seen as theft. However, if it is continuous and has become a habit, it can be seen as theft. Stealing should be considered as a sign of adjustment and behavior disorder and it should be known that it is a danger signal.
Stealing is not a problem until the age of 5. Every child must learn that he cannot take things that belong to others. The best way to teach this is when he takes something that belongs to someone else, he should be reminded to whom it belongs; should be taught that they can only receive them if they are allowed. It should be ensured that he has his own belongings and should be given pocket money when he is old enough.
Theft, which is done for a special excitement and pleasure when there is no need, is called kleptomania. It is done under the influence of a mental illness. They are sick, they do not steal for profit, and they take pleasure in telling about their thefts. They definitely need treatment.
PREVENTION OF THE STEAL:
Z Children’s rights must be respected. He must be taught to block the thoughts of possession.
Z Children should be given pocket money regularly from the age of 7-8.
Z Children should be taught to respect the property of others.
Z Parents should set a good example.
Z Parents should take care to protect their children’s independent living without restricting them.
3-CHILDREN RUNNING FROM HOME
It is called escaping when these children and young people leave the place where they should be and go to another place without permission.
We can divide the avoidance behavior into 2 groups: 1. Avoiding school, 2. Running away from home.
one. Skipping School: In general, students who are very unsuccessful or successful in their courses drop out of school. unsuccessful students; being ostracized by his friends and not being appreciated by his teacher; He runs away from school because he is bored at school. Very successful students are; They tend to run away from school because of being envied by their other friends, not being able to create a friendly environment and being bored, and pressure from over-disciplined administrators and teachers.
2. Escape from Home: There are family problems at the root of running away from home. The reasons for this escape;
_Conflicts within the family, the child’s belief that he is not loved,
_Exposure to domestic violence, desire to get rid of fearful situations,
_Being expelled from home and school,
_The desire to live a luxurious life,
_To attract the attention of others (young people who are not given to their loved ones, who are not allowed to marry, run away from home to attract attention),
_To earn money,
_With peer pressure and encouragement,
_Weakening of family ties, constant family quarrels.
In order to prevent escaping behavior, it is necessary to establish one-to-one communication with the child and determine the factors that will cause escaping. While talking to the child, the reasons should be discussed in a calm environment without shouting or insulting. The child should be given a voice often. For example, if the problem is caused by the family, it is necessary to try to eliminate the problem by gathering family members together. Confidence should be instilled in the child.
If there are problems arising from the school or its immediate surroundings, it is necessary to cooperate with the school and its immediate environment and try to prevent them.
As a result, cooperation should be made with the family, child, close environment, psychological counselor and psychotherapist in a child who shows escape behavior.
4-CHILDREN WITH EATING PROBLEMS
In order to understand the food problem of children, first of all, the issue of nutrition should be clarified. In order for the child to develop in a healthy way, it is necessary to have a balanced diet. Adequate and balanced nutrition of children depends on what is produced, the food prepared, and the knowledge of parents and teachers about nutrition. The foundation of adequate and balanced nutrition is laid in childhood. For this, the following skills should be given to the child: The child should come to the table, sit quietly and quickly at the table, eat with his spoon or fork, help the table clear.
Deep love and affection should be shown to the child, feeding times should be specific and regular.
Nutrition is not about filling the stomach.The child should get the nutrients he needs.
It is normal to resist eating until the age of 3-4 years. The resistance to food in children is due to the fact that they equate nutrition with mother’s love. She thinks that if she forces the mother, she will take care of herself more.
h The mother gives the breast to the newborn baby in anger,
h scolding the child while feeding, not showing love,
h Forcing the child to eat the food he does not like from infancy,
h Being forced to eat even though he is full,
h To be fed at irregular intervals, to feed the child by doing whatever he/she wants and having fun, to hurry,
h Comparing, rewarding or punishing other children,
h Paying too much attention to the child’s health and showing excessive interest in eating.
It causes eating problems in children.
h The mother should gain a regular eating habit from birth. According to the age of the child, the mother should set the table and let him clear the table after the meal.
h Even if he spills the food, he must eat it himself.
h The child should not beg for food, force should not be used, and rewards should not be promised.
h The child should be given the right to choose “Do you want the egg boiled or fried?”, “Do you drink milk or orange juice?”.
h The table should be neat and clean, and a friendly meal should be eaten.
h Feeding times should be turned into a happy event that the child desires.
h Appetizing foods should not be given in snacks.
h If the child does not eat continuously and there is weight loss, a doctor should be consulted.
h Foods he dislikes should be made cute. “Spinach in the form of brioche; potatoes, fried; Yogurt can be given in the form of soup.”
h If the problem is based on the child’s emotional characteristics and relationships, a psychiatrist should be consulted.
Some children experience sleep disturbances. But the thing that bothers parents the most is that the child does not sleep all night or wakes them up early in the morning. Sleep disorders occur in 2% of children up to 2 years of age and in 10% of children up to 4.5 years of age.
* The child thinks that his mother will forget him. Discord in the family, restlessness, a movie watched before bed or a scary story book can negatively affect a child’s sleep.
*Nutrition irregularities, low sucking, teething,
* The tension of the child-mother relationship,
* The mother’s excessive exaggeration of the child’s sleep issue, creating tension,
* Overactive children also have restless sleep.
*Children’s rest and sleep times should be adjusted to the same time every day.
* In order to prepare children for bedtime, some activities should be prepared to calm them down.
*Using a night lamp gives comfort to a favorite baby or toy child.
* Children should not be left at home while they are sleeping. When he wakes up, he will panic and think that he has been abandoned, so both sleep disorder begins and negatively affects personality development.
* The child should not be put to bed as punishment when he commits a crime. By establishing a negative connection between sleep and punishment, the child may develop sleep disorder.
* Before going to sleep, the child must be taken care of.
* The physical conditions of the sleeping environment should be healthy. The room should be quiet and should not be entered frequently.
* Children who wake up at night should not be overreacted.
* No spooky stories or events should be told before sleep.
2- HABIT DISORDERS
one- BOTTOM WET (ENORESIS)
For bedwetting to be a problem, it must occur twice a week for at least three consecutive months after the age of 5 years. Bedwetting is divided into day and night. Both will be considered together. Identifying the causes of bedwetting is an indispensable requirement for treatment. Undoubtedly, it is necessary to consult a doctor or psychiatrist in order to make the diagnosis. If drug treatment is applied and results cannot be obtained, or there are rules that must be followed together with drug treatment. To do this, the following questions should be asked first:
1. Does the child wake up wet every morning?
2. Does he miss during the day too?
3. When did you stop toilet training?
4. Do you have any special symptoms when you pee? (burning, painful sensation)
5. Does the child have abdominal pain or unexplained fever?
6. Does the child have major problems with school, family and environment?
7. How is the parent-child relationship?
8. How old is the child?
According to the answers to these questions, the reason or causes of bedwetting can be reached. Generally, families reduce bedwetting to simpler problems and expect the solution of the problem directly from the child. It is almost impossible for the child to solve his problem alone. Because there may be many reasons for bedwetting, and in order to find the appropriate treatment with the right interpretation, the parents need to find and remove all these reasons one by one.
Most children do not develop the necessary control over the nervous system and cannot control a full bladder. This is normal during developmental periods. If the uncontrollability continues in the future, it is necessary to consult a doctor.
Generally, children wet their bottoms until they are 2-3 years old, on average, until they can control their bladder. They gain control 2 during the day and control at night between the ages of 3.5-4.5. Bedwetting is the most common behavior disorder in terms of being both common and a difficult situation for the child-parent. 80% of them wet their bed at night, 5% during the day, and 15% both day and night.
Bedwetting is caused by insufficient neuromuscular development and underdevelopment of the bladder. This is due to inadequate toilet training of parents.
Another dimension of bedwetting is that it is more common in societies with low socio-economic level, less emotional interaction and less love.
]Jealousy, especially the birth of a new sibling,
]Authoritarian education, as a protest against harsh parenting,
]In cases of indifference, lovelessness and neglect,
]In cases of severe punishment,
]In response to irritable behaviors, behaviors that frighten the child,
]In children with disabilities, bedwetting is seen as a response.
]It is more common in families with poor financial situation.
]It is more common in families who start toilet training at a very early age (before the age of 2).
MISTAKES FAMILIES MAKE
]Not taking the child to the toilet on time and leaving the bottom wet, awakening an interest and desire in the child against the stench,
]The extreme care shown during the illness and the cessation of this care after recovery,
]Behaving nervously in a way that the child is not accustomed to causes sudden fear and fright in the child.
]Comparing with siblings or friends
]Frequent colds in the child
]Parental divorce, father’s frequent long-term travels.
PRECAUTIONS THAT FAMILIES SHOULD TAKE
] Grandparents, uncles, neighbors, etc. they should not be allowed to criticize the child
]Fluid consumption should not be restricted in the evening,
]If the child has exceeded a certain age period, diapers should not be tied under them,
]The child must be given proper care and attention from the day he is born.
]The child should not be constantly compared to siblings and friends.
]The child should not be cold at night.
]The child should not be neglected when his new sibling is born.
]These children should be encouraged to participate in social activities as much as possible.
]If there is an organic disorder for children to wet the bed, it should be treated medically.
]While peeing, holding and releasing movements should be done occasionally.
]Not being sent to the toilet during the day without getting stuck
]The days when he does not wet the bed should be rewarded.
2-FEET INCONTINENCE (ENCOPRESSIS)
Although the child is old enough to control the process of holding and releasing his poop, he cannot control his stool and soils his bottom.
If the child does this behavior only without a general medical problem such as drug use or constipation, we can say that he has a habit disorder. It is more common in men.
± Caused by intestinal structural disorders, inappropriate drug use, dietary changes, constipation.
± If the family gives toilet training before its time and gives it hard and rigidly, the child goes under it as a sign of resistance against his parents.
± The mother’s excessive rigor and the child’s frequent punishment for cleaning rules reduces the child’s self-confidence, which leads to incontinence.
± A child with a newborn sibling may suffocate like his younger sibling in order to attract attention.
± Deaths, separations, starting school, getting sick or the feeling of aggression that cannot be expressed can be expressed in this way.
1. Treatment method to be applied directly to the child: play therapy, psychotherapy, or group therapy
An interview relationship is established that alleviates the feeling of guilt and shyness in the interview with the child, and it is accepted that the problem can be solved with cooperation.
2. Indirect treatment: A treatment method that aims to improve the environmental conditions by interviewing the family, teachers and related people.
3. Family therapy: By interviewing the family, their general attitudes in raising the child, their feelings, thoughts and behaviors about incontinence are tried to be understood. Extremes are shown to them and suggestions are made. These;
– Extreme tolerance
– Punitive attitude
– Establishing positive communication with the child
3- NAIL EATING
Nail biting; It is a common habit in children and adolescents. Nail biting occurs after 3-4 years of age.
Nail biting is mostly seen in children who are nervous and easily excited, unlike children who suck their fingers.
CAUSES OF NAIL EATING
Nail biting is considered a sign of insecurity.
* Implementation of an over-pressured and authoritarian education in the family,
* Constant scolding and criticism of the child,
* Jealousy, insufficient attention, distress, tension,
* Fears, concerns and worries that the child faces and cannot solve,
* Feelings of inferiority, indifference of friends,
* Sibling jealousy.
PREVENTION OF NAIL EATING
* The child should not be completely banned from the habit of biting nails and should not be forced.
* The situation that upsets the child should be found and eliminated, his attention should be indirectly diverted to another direction.
* According to the developmental level of the child, a toy or key chain should be given to his hand and his attention should be concentrated at that point.
* Chewing gum in exciting moments, watching TV and movies should be given food to keep your mouth busy.
* It should be explained in a soft way that it is not good for health to bite nails without judgment and criticism.
* If there is a habit of biting nails while sleeping, gloves or socks should be worn on their hands.
* Teacher-family should be in cooperation.
Tic; are the unintentional or involuntary movements of muscle groups.
REASONS FOR TICKS:
* Tics are often precursors or manifestations of internal tensions or conflicts. Sometimes the tic that the child makes is a sign that he is trying to get rid of internal tension.
* Tics usually start in boys and at an early age and occur for psychological reasons. Some feelings of anger and aggression, which the child cannot express psychological conflicts in his inner world, lead to the formation of tics.
* One of the most important causes of tics is imitation. Sometimes, while young children imitate adults, they may acquire their flaws as behavioral disorders as well as their good aspects.
* Fear, uneasiness, anxiety, tension, and negative relationships with parents, which start at an early age and continue, lead to the formation of tics.
* The environment in which they live is quarrelsome and insecure.
* Comparison with siblings or friends, belittlement and contempt.
* When a tic is seen in a child, a psychiatrist should be consulted.
* Conflicts with the child’s family, school and relatives should be found and eliminated.
* Imitating, criticizing and comparing with their peers should be avoided.
* Insulting, scolding, beating reinforces the tic. These behaviors should not be done.
* Parents should reassure their child, should not be ashamed of him, not embarrass him.
* Participation in sports activities outside of school should be ensured.
Thumb sucking is a phenomenon seen in normal children until the age of 3-4 without a psychopathological factor. The most important reason why thumb sucking is seen in almost all babies is that they learned it in the womb. It shows that there is a close relationship between sleep and thumb sucking, with the baby who is sleepy from the 9th month taking his finger to his mouth. Efforts made for thumb sucking are met with resistance by the child until the age of 3 years. Thumb sucking at regular intervals until the age of 5-6 can be considered normal. If it continues, it indicates psychological problems and tension.
CAUSES OF FINGER SUCKING:If thumb sucking continues after the age of 6;
* Not fed enough with breast milk,
* Having grown up in an uneasy family environment,
* Due to insufficient and irregular nutrition,
* Growing up in an insecure, loveless family environment,
* Having disabled parents,
* Jealousy, fear, anxiety and loneliness.
FINGER SUCKING PRECAUTIONS:
* Finding and eliminating the cause of thumb sucking behavior is the family that will do it best. (These reasons may be jealousy towards the newborn sibling, frequent comparison with others, indifference of the father, domestic violence)
* Parents should greet them patiently without being alarmed, and constant attention should be avoided.
* The child should be told in an appropriate language that this habit is a babyish behavior and that it is not tolerated by others. Criticizing and making the child nervous is the wrong behavior of the family.
* Thumb sucking is resolved with a patient and continuous educational method.
1- ANGRY CHILDREN
Anger:It is an aggressive response to frustration, hurt, or intimidation.
Tantrum:It is the strong and extraordinary anger that young children show when they are prevented from doing anything.
From time to time, we all need to ejaculate by resorting to emotional expression in the face of events that make us angry and upset. This discharge is beneficial if it is at a certain level. It mediates us to exclude our accumulated distress, but turns into anger if it continues frequently and increasingly.
Symptoms of Anger:
When angry people are in anger, their muscles become tense and their fists are clenched.
Facial expressions are harsh, forehead wrinkled, eyebrows knitted.
They make smashing and biting movements.
There is hatred in his facial expression. Facial flushing or yellowing may occur.
There is a tightness in breathing, vomiting, hitting the head on a hard place can be seen.
There are tremors in the body.
CAUSES OF ANGRY IN CHILDREN
Physical ailments and troubles in children. When children are sick or face a distressing situation, they become angry if they do not receive attention (bed-wetting, fever).
Children who are not fed and put to bed on time and who are not properly rested become angry when they are deprived of this. (child from school unable to find his mother at home and kicking the door as a result).
It can infuriate the child if a parent or teacher appreciates any behavior of the child, punishes the other, or the same person treats the same behavior differently.
The child is hungry, thirsty or tired.
The people around the child displaying angry and furious behaviors, the child imitating these behaviors.
Severe and cruel punishments for children.
Mistakes made by parents and teachers in judging and evaluating children.
If anyone in the family gets what he wants by getting angry and angry and the parents make concessions to this anger, both the children who use anger as a threat and other children who observe the event tend to anger.
WAYS TO PREVENT ANGER
Protect your child from irritating and distressing diseases and disorders. When your child is angry, immediately ask about his needs.
Meet your child’s needs such as eating, drinking, dressing and resting on time at a minimum level. Do not neglect them for your own pleasure (the child will not get angry while the mother is washing the dishes, but will be angry if the mother leaves him and goes to the neighbor).
Do not get angry, stay calm, based on the principle that the nail pulls out the nail when the child is angry. If he gets angry for a logical reason, do whatever he wants. If there is no logical reason, tell him that you “didn’t do what he wanted because he got angry” or that he “can’t get anything by threatening”.
As parents and teachers, show the same reaction to the same behavior of your children.
Do not give unfair punishments to children.
Do not set an example by getting angry with your children.
Be fair in judging and evaluating your children.
Prevent your children from drinking.
If your child is constantly angry and has tantrums, direct them to social activities.
Keep children outdoors as much as possible. Direct them to sports activities.
Prepare various jobs and occupations for your children and change these occupations frequently.
An aggressive child is a child who cannot establish harmonious relations with his peers and his environment in general because of his mental problems. He is extremely disagreeable, quarrelsome. He often breaks the rules and gets punished. He goes against his parents and teachers. He can’t get over his anger, he always tends to justify himself. Even if he is ashamed of his behavior, he can not help himself from repeating it, he is not affected by punishment at all.
Frequent childhood mischief, scuffles, occasional disagreements, and fights are not enough to define a child as aggressive. If it shows continuity in its attitude and behavior, we can say it is aggressive.
CAUSES OF AGGRESSION IN CHILDREN
* Being restricted and prevented, (preventing a child in the game period from playing)
* Overindulgence of the parents, the habit of fulfilling the child’s every wish, and rarely, the aggressive attitude in case of not fulfilling the needs,
* The absence of fathers and the inability to identify with their own gender can also cause aggression in boys.
* Some programs on TV constitute a negative model. This leads to an aggressive attitude.
* It is seen in children who are not allowed to defend themselves, even to protect themselves by the family.
* The oppressive and prohibitive attitudes of the parents create an aggressive impulse in the child.
* It can be seen in children with a physical disability or any handicap.
WAYS TO PREVENT AGGRESSION
* Should be calm in the face of aggressive behavior, the child should be told that his behavior is wrong after he calms down, and if he continues like this, his wishes will not be fulfilled.
* The child should neither be pressured nor be treated loosely. The dose of these two should be adjusted very well.
* We cannot punish aggression with beatings. Any financial punishment should be avoided. Such material punishments may develop feelings of hostility in the child.
* Children should be given responsibilities appropriate to their age at all ages.
* The child’s basic needs should be met in a timely manner as much as possible.
* If the child has aggressive behaviors, opportunities should be provided to discharge his energy. (he should be allowed to break things with a hammer, punch the sack, cut things with scissors.)
* Participation in sports activities and events should be ensured.
* Parents, teachers and other people around them should not show examples of aggression.
* The child should be taken out into society frequently, and should be accustomed to people.
* Movies containing aggression should not be watched.
Jealousy is the most natural and universal human emotion. It is the state of not putting up with the sharing of love. Jealousy is a combination of emotions such as anger, revenge, self-pity, and sadness.
Like every human being, giving something that belongs to a child up to that time to someone else at a young age, or having to share it with someone else by being partially restricted, upsets the child and leads to jealousy.
Often jealousy is seen in the first child, with the birth of a younger second sibling. Since the mother is the most valuable asset for the child, it is not an easy and bearable feeling to share it with others. The child finds it difficult to understand why the family needs a second child while he is away. He thinks that his mother will never love him again. He tries to test his mother’s love, wanders around, makes unreasonable demands, becomes moody, cries.
Some kids don’t reveal their jealousy directly. He shows great fondness for his brother, cannot get enough of loving him. It helps the mother in the care of the baby. In fact, the child did not get rid of the feeling of jealousy, he threw it into it. He thinks that if he expresses his jealousy, the mother will distance himself from him completely. The artificiality and excess of the love he shows shows that his true feeling is the opposite. Such children try to harm the baby whenever they can, and they make it look like an accident.
WAYS TO PREVENT Jealousy
When this child brother was born;
The baby should be allowed to touch his belongings, he should be asked to help. By allowing him to hug the baby, a sense of protection should be aroused in him.
Arriving guests should be ensured to take care of the baby beforehand. He should even be congratulated on the arrival of a new sibling by bringing a gift not to the baby but to the older one.
It should not be forgotten that the older child is also a child. Enough time should be allocated to play with it.
Jokes such as “Your shoe has been thrown on the roof, you are crowned” that will provoke the child should not be made.
Do not compare your child with his sibling or friends.
Do not show your child too much affection.
Teach your child from an early age to share what they have with others.
The child should not be forced to love his sibling. When you express your negative feelings, telling your child “You are right to be angry with him, look, it bothers me too, look, it makes me angry from time to time” also calms the child.
4-CHILDREN WHO LIE
A lie is an attempt to hide an error. This attempt can be verbal as well as gesture, writing and silence. People are not born liars, but go through a developmental process where they learn to lie.
Until the age of 5, there is no need to worry about the lie that children tell. Being faithful to the truth is a phenomenon that develops over time in the child.
It is wrong to lecture the child not to lie or to attempt to prove that he is lying. When the child is openly lying, it should not be met with concern. In order to effectively combat the child’s lying, first of all, the type of lie should be known, and the psychological factors that cause it should be addressed rather than lying. The lies that young children tell are different from the real lie, the superficial resemblance to the real lie causes confusion. Before making this distinction, it would be wrong to brand the child a liar.
REASONS OF LIE
The phenomenon of lying should be handled together with environmental relations. First of all, there must be reasons that facilitate the development of lying in the child.
Another way that makes it easier for the child to learn to lie is by imitation. The child, who learns to lie by imitation, first determines that the lie provides him with some opportunities and advantages.
Feelings of inferiority, guilt, aggression, jealousy, fear, shyness and pressure push the child to lie.
Psychological Reasons of Lying:
The child’s need for love and attention cannot be adequately met by the parents,
The people around him set a bad example,
Making comparisons between children
Giving the child responsibility beyond his/her strength,
Giving harsh punishments as a result of the child’s mistakes.
TYPES OF LIES
There are many types of lies, but here we will consider the most common types of lies that we encounter in our children in our daily lives.
1-Imaginary Lies:Some parents see dreams as lies and can cause unnecessary excitement.
The child runs away from what he finds stupid and dislikes in this world. Then he confuses fantasy with reality, he may lie unintentionally. In such lies, the slightest logical thinking is not seen in what children say. The child may say that he sees fairies, dragons, jinn, demons, under the influence of what he hears. He talks to animals, makes up stories in his games.
When the child tells such a lie, the dream and the truth should be told appropriately, without approving or objecting, waiting for the lie to end. For example, when he tells an unbelievable tale, getting his attention and logic to ask, “Is this believable?” can help him stop and think about unreal things. The irrelevant aspects of life should be presented in an engaging and appealing way for them.
2-Exaggerated Lies: Exaggeration is a common feature in children. It often starts and develops as an imitation. Most of them don’t know if it really happened, they just heard it. He also magnifies and exaggerates events to create excitement.
3-Social Lies: These lies are the most common type of lie. It is often lies that adults tell and that they make children tell. For example, if we do not want to attend an invitation, a parent who rejects the invitation by saying “a relative came to visit, I’m sorry I can’t come” will not care even if they are aware that the child is listening to him at that moment. When the child says, “When did the mother come, I did not see it”, she probably gets the following answer: “You shut up, you are out of your mind”. When we use these and many similar lies frequently in our daily life in order not to offend the other party, first of all, children imitate us, and then they apply the same things when asked to do a job that they do not want to do.
Social lies may be used to improve relations between two friends, but otherwise, it is extremely inconvenient to do it in the presence of children.
4-Defense Lies: Lies that a child or teenager tells to protect themselves. They resort to such lies when too many threats, prohibitions are used, when they are forced to obey, and when they are questioned.
Distrust, suspicion, and accusations of lying against the child’s true words will make defensive lies a habit in the child.
4-Attention-Drawing Lies: In order to attract the attention of their parents and teachers, children draw attention by pretending to act contrary to their desires, wishes and tendencies, and by lying. For example, saying that he did not go to school to attract attention even though he went to school.
5-Exalted Lies: Children lie to get the admiration and appreciation of others. It is a basic need that the child desires to gain the appreciation of others and to receive rewards. If the child cannot achieve these needs in normal ways or if he is not given the opportunity to satisfy them, the child will compensate for this in other ways.
Reasons for the Exalted Lie:
– Do not expect and want things that children cannot do
– The child’s attempt to cover his failure with lies and excuses and this is approved by the family; for example, finding the share of his failure in his lessons in his teachers
PREVENTION OF LIE
It is possible to protect the child from lies by trusting the child, not punishing him for every mistake, and improving mutual trust. The rules that must be followed meticulously in the prevention of lying are as follows:
Parents and teachers should avoid lying.
Children’s undesirable behavior should be treated as gently and tolerantly as possible.
Children should not be asked to do things they cannot do.
Especially young children should not be punished when they lie.
Children should not be compared with other children.
By chatting with children frequently, their interests and expectations should be learned and taken into account.
School phobia is the child’s refusal or reluctance to go to school due to strong anxiety. Children with school phobia complain of physical complaints such as nausea, stomachache or headache in order not to go to school. Fear of the unknown and separation anxiety are normal for a child’s development, but they can cause problems if they go too far and interfere with the child’s functions. Fear of school is not a situation encountered in every child, and if it occurs, it can upset the school success of the child.
School phobia should not be confused with being truant. Children with school phobia do not want to go to school without the knowledge of their parents. The fear of failure, inability to be active in the classroom, and the mother’s fear that she will forget herself at school are the basis of the child’s unwillingness to go to school. Children who miss school do not like school, they are also lazy and leave school unaware of their parents. Children with school phobia do not stay away from home, they are happy and cheerful at home. The school success of these children is moderate.
School phobia can be seen in children of all ages. It can be seen from primary school to university.
` The child is afraid that something will happen to him or his parents in the absence of his parents,
` A stressful home life due to divorce, parental remarriage or financial problems,
` Having a stress factor such as the birth of a new sibling, moving, illness, death of a close person,
` Reflecting the mother’s concerns about her child starting school,
` The main thing to fear is not school, but leaving home, leaving the mother.
` The intense anxiety of parents that something will happen to them and their children creates anxiety and fear in the child.
Insufficient sleep is one of the most important causes of exhaustion in childhood. Children who go to bed too late and wake up too early don’t get enough rest. Morning fatigue can cause truancy from school.
`Failure at school,
` Having a teacher or school staff who is insensitive, constantly giving orders,
` The child is afraid of lecturing in front of the class, reading aloud and some activities.
PREVENTION OF SCHOOL PHOBIA
` Parents need to hide their concerns about the child.
` Comparisons should not be made with siblings and friends.
` Negative factors in the classroom (sitting style, group of friends) should be eliminated in close cooperation with the teacher.
` As the child reveals his fears and continues to go to school even though he is afraid of school, he should be praised and rewarded.
` Dependency on parents can be reduced by gaining leisure time and game skills.
` It should be approached with empathy, not sympathy. “I can understand how you’re feeling, I’ve felt this way before.” you can make the child feel that you understand their fears.
` Keeping the expectation level of the parents at a realistic level and giving the child time makes it easier to overcome fear.
` Mothers can be allowed to come to school and sit in the classroom for a short time until the child feels comfortable.
` Even if the child does not enter the classroom, he should not stay away from the school, and should be kept in the school garden or teachers’ room for a certain period of time.
` The teacher should prevent the child who is afraid of school from being mocked and intimidated.
` The teacher should make the school cute. (distributing chocolate, activities based on classroom entertainment)
These children do not act freely when they are not used to it, they are extremely embarrassed and withdraw into their own shell. They pose no danger to anyone, but they have significant emotional problems. These children are seen and liked very much by adults, but they are in conflict with their own selves.
Children have a limited social life or even deprivation,
The effect of false suggestions to children,
Children develop a sense of insecurity towards themselves in situations that create insecurity,
Blaming, scolding and expecting perfection from children for their little mistakes.
To ensure that children acquire the necessary skills through social life as much as possible.
To teach children how to play, speak well and behave in public places, and to provide self-confidence.
Of course, being a parent does not mean just giving birth to your child and meeting some of their physical needs (eating, drinking, dressing, sheltering). Emotionally consistent and balanced approach is required. Every child has different interests, needs and abilities. From the moment he starts to stand on his own feet, it is impossible for him to determine the things he will do and the events he will encounter. Therefore, children may not be able to cope with every problem they encounter. They may need partial or total outside help. If they try to solve their own problems, they can sometimes gain negative behaviors.
We cannot apply the classical methods from the past to protect children against problems or to fight against the problems encountered. We have to take some protective measures against adaptation problems that our children will encounter. These precautions are easy to do but often neglected by families. As soon as you feel that your child has a problem, a diagnosis should be made to find out what the problem is and ways to solve it. This diagnosis should be made by competent people. These are psychiatrists, pedagogues, and psychological counselors.
The attitudes and behaviors that families should take against possible adaptation problems should be as follows:
one. Daily family session:It is the time when family members will come together and talk, problems will be shared, and everyone will have an equal say.
2. Active Listening: Active listening takes time, not just peace of mind. Adults living in an environment where it is difficult to allocate time may not be able to spare time for their children in a rush. Nevertheless, it is necessary to find some ways and means and give him a chance so that the child or young person can express his heart. The phrase “I don’t have time to spare for you right now” should not come out. The child should be allowed to talk about his/her daily life and problems, and this should be done without taking our eyes off the child by asking questions about the subject.
3. Getting to know the child’s friends: The child’s friends can have a great influence on the child or even dominate. It can be seen what pressures recognizing friends face in daily life. The dangers that await the child can be identified. Ways to get to know your friends can be in the form of birthday celebrations, inviting their friends’ families to dinner.
Even if the child’s friends do not like it, you should never tell him that he is bad and make insulting innuendos.
4. Rewards and Penalties: Every child should be rewarded or punished if certain situations occur. For this, it is necessary to determine which behavior in the family requires reward or punishment and to inform the child.
5. Homework, in which the child will gain independence: Another sign of a child’s maturity is the ability to be independent. Of course, he can’t take on a big responsibility, but there are small responsibilities he can take on from a young age. He should be allowed to shop according to his age, pay phone, water, electricity bills. If the child makes a mistake, he should not be scolded or blamed, and he should be given the opportunity to learn from his mistake. A sense of independence develops with a sense of responsibility.
6. Anticipating problems: In the natural development process, the child will encounter some problems that parents know beforehand. This is especially common in adolescence. Parents should give the necessary warning before mistakes occur. However, while doing this, he should not use his power of command, but should be encouraging.
7. Slot temperature: There is so much talk of parental love that it seems as if every child grows up in love and compassion. How many people can say “I love you” to their spouse and child? Even that is not enough. Showing love is very simple. It can be shown in the form of holding the baby, holding the child by the hand, placing the hand on the shoulder of a teenager, holding the child and listening to the father. Parents apologizing to their children if they are wrong raises the temperature in the home.
As a result, being a good parent;
– Be consistent
– Be tolerant and patient
– Not showing exaggerated affection
– Not correcting mistakes by insulting or criticizing
– Not comparing with others
– Always seeing positive behaviors
– Not giving responsibilities that the child can’t handle
– Not being asked to do things that children cannot do
– Timely and measured giving of rewards and punishments
– By chatting frequently, their interests and expectations should be learned and taken into account.
– It should not be forgotten that the child is an individual.
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