About jealousy

“Finished.” said she, the woman on the phone. She was sobbing loudly. “I do not understand.” said the man, who had to answer his persistently ringing phone in the hottest part of the business meeting. “It’s over, you understand? This is the end…”

We didn’t understand anything, did we? Let’s go to two hours ago together. The woman, who woke up earlier than her husband in the morning, checked her husband’s e-mails on his mobile phone to fill time while the eggs were being boiled on the stove. In the midst of his routine business e-mails, an invoice sent by a mobile phone operator caught his attention. He opened the e-mail without much care. What is this? The line was registered to his wife’s name, but the number was not his wife’s, he himself… That is, there was a telephone line registered to his wife, which he was not aware of. Boiling water poured over his head, and his voice began to tremble, and his eyes began to fill with tears. He barely muttered to himself in that tearful inner voice; “You’ve got it wrong!” He checked it again, again, and even again… The result did not change. At that moment, she sensed that the man she had known for exactly 24 years and had been married for 14 years was hiding something important from her. He closed the stove, slammed the door, and rushed out into the street. The effect of this suspicion, which was gnawing at him, was growing more and more. She had not the slightest doubt that this phone line belonged to her husband’s lover. So this woman was covering all her expenses from her child’s sustenance to the smallest details. “Shame on you.” he said to himself, maybe a thousand times…” Shame on…” He considered calling this number first. But then he gave up, wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. What would he say to this woman he didn’t know? It was best to call her husband and end everything…

The young man opened his eyes when the door of the house slammed. He was late for work again. While he was washing his face in a hurry, he got angry with his wife, whom he thought was going to the market, “What would have happened if he had woken me…” He dressed hastily and set off on the road hoping to catch the morning meeting that was about to start at work. He was at the most crucial part of the meeting when his phone began to ring persistently. It must have been something important, since he was stealing so persistently. The young man answered his phone.

Finished.” said his wife of 14 years. She was sobbing loudly. “I do not understand.” said the man. “It’s over, you understand? That’s it…Don’t you dare deny it.” And he hit the man’s face that he had caught in the morning. “What bill could he say?” the man said in surprise. Wasn’t he acting like he didn’t know? 0-5..-……. said the woman angrily. “Oh,” said the young man, “that’s the bill for the mobile internet access we use at home”, “This time it came very heavily because your daughter was constantly downloading videos. We’ll talk in the evening.”

I can see you smiling, but how do you know you won’t experience a similar case tomorrow?

Doubts, which are completely related to trust in bilateral relations, darken the lives of many couples today. In our age when cheating is talked about so much, sometimes “I wonder if I am being cheated on?” It is not a disease to say, but when the dose of these wonders is missed, problems begin. Jealousy is an emotional state that stems from a lack of self-confidence. When people lose their self-confidence, they start to feel inadequate and as a result they fear losing what they have. Of course, I would like to point out that this situation is valid for both men and women; My female readers who read the real story above should not think that I am making gender discrimination. J Jealousy is the fear of losing what you have. This situation manifests itself in the form of fear of abandonment, especially in love relationships. Because in a love relationship, unlike in a love relationship, a person glorifies the other person and cannot (see) their shortcomings. But when a person feels a threat to this integrity, for example, when he predicts that his loved one’s attention is directed or will be directed to someone, he suddenly thinks that his partner is not that perfect, even that he is flawed, and the carriage turns into a pumpkin. This broken spell suddenly turns the course of the relationship into jealousy, fear of loss, defeat, ambitions and sometimes unnecessary accusations directed at the other party. Unfortunately, from that moment on, the man or woman caught in the grip of jealousy cannot think rationally. Although a small amount of jealousy that keeps the relationship alive and binds people together is natural, if there is a serious concern about being deprived of love, this will harm both the jealous person and the relationship. Marriages in which intense jealousy is experienced become unbearable for both the jealous and the envied. First of all, the person who is unduly jealous feels like he is trapped. The one who is jealous already inflicts the greatest harm on himself. Unresolved jealousy events also shake the foundation of marriage. Some jealous spouses use threats to keep their spouses housebound. However, loyalty is not achieved by threats, but by love. Trying to keep your spouse under pressure, following her every move, acting overly suspicious, reflecting jealousy in an angry way will drive the other side further away. The way to deal with negative emotions is to replace them with positive emotions. As the person approaches the person he/she loves with love, the other person will approach him/her in the same way and maybe the reasons that cause jealousy will disappear.

Acceptable level of jealousy is an emotion experienced by everyone and is also considered a measure of love. People who think “he loves me, he is jealous, if he doesn’t love me he wouldn’t be jealous” get overwhelmed when the extent of jealousy grows and their lives become unbearable and they look for ways to eliminate jealousy, but they often fail. The measure of jealousy remaining within healthy limits is that everyone is jealous at the level of common jealousy criteria in life, but does not go beyond this. The most cliché saying that the envious person finds as an excuse for jealousy; It’s the phrase “I trust you but I don’t trust people”. However, even if the person wants to hide behind this deception, the problems experienced in the result and process do not eliminate the fact that this is a pathological disease.

The measures taken by the envied person in order to eliminate the jealousy at the diseased level can reduce the dose of jealousy a little more, but cannot completely prevent it. Jealousy is one of the factors that kill love and relationship. Therefore, if we feel that our partner or ourselves are in the grip of jealousy, we should seek professional help without wasting any time, and we should be able to get away with this defect that seriously harms our togetherness.

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